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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
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Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

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Discussion Forum

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Comment Wall

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Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on April 27, 2013 at 8:33pm

Melinda, you might consider cultivating one or two new friendships,  people with whom you share common interests, whose lives don't revolve around religion. Then tell your old friend that you don't feel compatible with her any more, that you've drifted apart. I wouldn't lie, even a white lie about alcohol. I'd tell her how you actually feel when people talk about religion. Be clear that you still respect her and don't think badly of her, it's that particular behavior you can no longer abide.  Say it's not her, that you've changed. Well that's what I'd try. It's best not to cut yourself off socially, keep some friends in your life. This is a "Do as I say, not as I do", because I really haven't got any flesh and blood friends. I got bored with them, or I changed my interests, or they aged out (groups became too young for common interest), or the drive got too long for me. Perhaps I'm not the best person to advise on friendship.

Comment by booklover on April 27, 2013 at 7:50pm

Comment by booklover on April 27, 2013 at 7:48pm

I love the Red Hatters Joan!  Thanks Megan, yeah, it is a tough situation.  I want to get out of it without hurt feelings.  This is my plan.  She knows I have awful gastro issues, and that I see a specialist.  Even last night with 2 beers I had to take a handful of Tums.  I'm just going to say I can't drink anymore, which isn't totally the truth, but I drink so little ever anyway.  She is a big drinker, and she likes going out for drinks.  Maybe if I just sit there with a Diet Coke, she won't think I'm so much fun.  If there's really nothing to talk about anymore, maybe she won't ask me to go out.  Her life is SO hectic, and mine is SO not, that she is always the one to plan the get-togethers.  Not very straight-forward of me, but a plan that might cause less hurt feelings.

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 27, 2013 at 6:54pm
Remember, there are 7,113,105,376 human beings on the planet and some of them will bring you enlightenment, ideas, perspective, and a sense of being part of all that is.
Comment by Megan S. M. on April 27, 2013 at 6:43pm

It's hard to be tolerant of something like religion, at least for me, that causes so much harm.

But my family is super religious so I tolerate their not-so-subtle/friendly religious promotions and talk because I value that relationship enough. When everyone around is religious, tolerance seems to be the only way to not be ostracized.

Booklover, that is a tough situation :/

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 27, 2013 at 6:38pm

Have a red hatter day, Melinda, it is a state of mind. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 27, 2013 at 6:36pm

Melinda, you are so patient. Do you like being patient? If you like it, keep doing it; if you don't, then claim a Red Hatter Age; it is a state of mind.

Comment by Patricia on April 27, 2013 at 5:59pm

The older I got, the less tolerant I became, & I just can't deal with religions without gagging. Therefore, I keep distant for my own well-being.

Comment by booklover on April 27, 2013 at 5:22pm
You guys are right, but I have "broken-up" with so many friends in "real-life" over religion. She considers us to be good friends. I feel mean or something that I can't handle friendships with religious people anymore, my tolerance level has gone WAY down. I just wish some friends like that would quietly let the friendships go...
Comment by Patricia on April 27, 2013 at 1:53pm

I'd stop if it was no longer an enjoyable evening. I ''out-grew'' a lot of this type of thing years ago, & I just stopped it. You have to live with you, so why bring on headaches you don't need because some ''friend'' wants to preach? Plenty of other things are conversation topics, & religion doesn't have to be it. You're paid up, so you owe nothing financially or otherwise. Drop out, I say, & she can deal with it or not....tough beans!

 

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