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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 848
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Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Seth Andrews - The Copycats: How Christianity Steals The Best Ideas

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Soren Sagan on Wednesday. 9 Replies

Many of us have observed or learned how christianity shamelessly borrows from other sources to bolster its position and show off its supposed wonderfulness.  Well, Seth Andrews of The Thinking Atheist podcast has compiled some of the more modern-day…Continue

Tags: steal, borrow, copycat, The Thinking Atheist, Seth Andrews

Finding Your Roots

Started by Randall Smith. Last reply by Chris G Dec 15. 9 Replies

I've been into genealogy for a long time. It's fun, especially with internet help, but increasingly frustrating. You see, I've hit "brick walls". And being a Smith doesn't make research any easier.Wouldn't you think I could find the death date and…Continue

Christmas: Behind the Curtain (The Thinking Atheist)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by sk8eycat Dec 12. 11 Replies

Well, it's that time of year again.  Time to gird our loins, put on our battle armor and join the (dah-dah DAAAAAH!) WAR AGAINST CHRISTMAS!!! [groan!] Yeah, most of us have heard that crap before, probably too many times, in fact, how atheists are…Continue

Tags: Christmas, The Thinking Atheist, Seth Andrews

Secular and Reclaimed Winter Holiday Songs

Started by Grinning Cat. Last reply by sk8eycat Nov 26. 41 Replies

This is an appropriate day of the year for this subject...What are some of your favorite winter holiday songs?It would be especially good to share powerful new secular lyrics to tunes that have become associated with Christmas.…Continue

Tags: singing, lyrics, reclaimed, reclaiming, HumanLight

Aljam

Started by Randall Smith. Last reply by Grinning Cat Nov 24. 4 Replies

I'm not a news hound by any stretch, but I do like to stay informed about what's going on in the world. (I despise "local" news with all the reports of murders, robberies, fires, etc.)The national "evening" news shows really irritate me. I hate…Continue

Surreal, I haz it

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Nov 22. 79 Replies

Surreal, not just found in art.Continue

Tags: surreal

Comment Wall

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Comment by Bertold Brautigan on November 21, 2014 at 7:54am

Mindy - how fun! What kind of countertops are you installing?

Comment by booklover on November 21, 2014 at 7:51am

Those are both great, Patricia!

Well I'm up and dressed early, but no sign of the roofers or plumber who are supposed to be here early.  Getting new kitchen countertops and sink today.

Comment by Randall Smith on November 21, 2014 at 7:35am

Carl, sorry about the rescheduling. Also, "praying for you". That boils my blood. Except for my stupid ex-wife, my family (kids and 2 sisters) are pretty respectful of my nonbelief. No meal prayers, for example (at least not outloud).

Felaine, your insights, wisdom, and wit are awesome!

Comment by Idaho Spud on November 21, 2014 at 6:47am

Thanks Patricia.  The "I have this book" one will probably go to my sister when I respond to her saying "We'll have to agree to disagree."  

I've been wanting to tell her I don't agree to disagree, because that makes it sound like our arguments are equal, when they're not.  Her arguments have no good evidence behind them, while mine have mountains of good scientific evidence.

Comment by sk8eycat on November 21, 2014 at 12:51am

Oh, Patricia!  GOOD stuff!  Thanks for posting ALL of it!  <3

Comment by Patricia on November 21, 2014 at 12:27am

Comment by Patricia on November 21, 2014 at 12:26am

Comment by sk8eycat on November 20, 2014 at 5:19pm

Carl, this is kinda cruel, but controlled experiments have been done with heart surgery patients, and the results were very weird.  The patients who had been told they were being prayed for did worse than any other group.

Try telling your mother to pray all she wants, but not to tell you about it.

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 20, 2014 at 5:05pm

Carl, you wrote that your mother said, 

"everyone I talk to, our friends and acquaintances, all say they are praying for you.  Prayer works."

If your mother's statement and the statements of others bother you, the trick is to reframe the experience. Especially with someone you love as much as your mother. Demonstrate to her and others that you put your full confidence in your medical team and in your strong desire to be healthy.

At the same time you know that there is an extremely high probability that prayers don't work because there is no god to hear them. I don't think it is wise to make the claim there is no god or prayer does not work, because you could be asked to prove your claim. It isn't possible to provide such proof. 

Because you know those who believe in superstitions depend on something that does not probably exist, and they feel hopeless and helpless to take away the disease, they want very much to help. They care about you. 

If you can acknowledge their care with a genuine appreciation, while at the same time tell them what you really need. You, and many others need their active participation in fundraising for those in treatment, or for liver research. That way, you give them an out. That is something they can do, hopefully, and it isn't cheap prayers.

My rage was so powerful it showed when others said they would pray for me. I had to reframe my experience. I was rather blunt, even bold, in asking them to take part in some real effort to fight cancer. 

You could suggest to them that they could volunteer time to help you by driving you to appointments or doing grocery shopping, or just sitting with you. Or they could work to raise money to help patients with expenses, or for liver research. Or volunteer at the treatment center. 

One friend of mine who died of cancer asked for us to read to her.  

Ask them for what you need. I know! We do not ask for help, even when we need it. We are supposed to be self-sufficient. 

Tell your mother how you feel and what you need from her. She really does want to help you, even if it is rattling bones of birds and eyeballs of gnutes. Seize the opportunity to educate her. Show her the confidence you have in your team of medical professionals. 

Comment by booklover on November 20, 2014 at 4:03pm
I'm sorry, Carl. Both of those things suck. I think of you quite often, and I hope you have good news to report soon.
Patricia, that is awful about your parents, and then just your mom. I'm sorry you have had to deal with that.
I lucky in that my mom and daughter are both Liberal Atheists, but my sister is a republican and a deist. She's my only sibling, so that sucks.
 

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