Comment

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 6:39pm

booklover and  Lillie, it is really hard to heal wounds that go so deeply as with problems with our parents. When I started doing my family genealogy, I had the opportunity to track down birthplaces of many of my ancestors on both side. Few knew the deep dark secrets of their ancestry. "We never talk about that!" many would say to me as I asked questions. Talking to genealogy librarians, descendants of other common ancestry, court and church records, and understanding the moral and ethical customs of their times, I found out our history that could not be talked about.

This information gave me insight into why they acted the way they did, why they thought and related that was so unhealthy. Thankfully, by learning effective and efficient communication ways, how to speak assertively and listen actively, how to identify problems, to develop a vision of a preferred future, create action plans and the value of taking risks, I was able to make the kinds of changes that were healthy. 

For me, it was violence in the family, but there are many other ways to cause harm to a new life that last their lifetime. Something very shattering, something strong enough to break old patterns then becomes your gift. 

One of the things I did in therapy was concentrate on remembering the strength I gained from each of them, build on those strengths and develop new skills that they were unable to teach me. 

Hope this helps in your journey to peach, joy, contentment and compassion. 

Comment by sk8eycat on January 18, 2013 at 6:15pm

If churches were at least required to file an honest annual Profit and Loss Statement (and a balance sheet) with the IRS the way other "non-profits" do, at least we would be able to see which ones were using their gross income to feed, clothe, and house the needy, and which ones were transferring the money offshore.

We also have to close ALL the tax loopholes that large corporations take advantage of, and stop giving benefits to oil companies and Big Agriculture...to name just two.

When Clinton left office the budget was balanced, and there was a fiscal surplus....But Dubya (with the help of De Facto Prez Cheney) had to have TWO futile wars to show the world he was more macho than his "Poppy." At the same time, they got congress to cut taxes on the welthiest.  Conservatives have been calling liberals the "tax and spend party " for decades,but they themselves are the "spend and spend party."

http://factcheck.org/2008/02/the-budget-and-deficit-under-clinton/

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 5:41pm

In small town USA, churches, schools, volunteer fire departments offer great places for community building. The problem, as I see it, is evangelism. If they came together to share with others, to pot-luck together, to take on community projects, that is one thing. However, proselytizing is an imperative for too many of them. Non-believers, such as myself, didn't say anything, we just put up with their babble.
NO MORE! Our school boards, local to national governments begin to look more like an evangelical gathering and I want no part of it. I will stay militant until and unless they mind their own business and get out of legislating their morality ... which many of them have trouble living.

Comment by Steph S. on January 18, 2013 at 5:30pm

Comment by booklover on January 18, 2013 at 5:19pm

Lillie, I'm so sorry you had a mother like that.  My own Mother had a mother like that.  We were all so relieved when she finally died.  It was like being held hostage.  My Aunt (my Mom's sister) recently became estranged from us by acting a lot like their mother.  My aunt had been in therapy for years because of her mother, then she ends up acting just like her!  Sad.

Comment by Lillie on January 18, 2013 at 3:20pm

John, I say that the real me was born the day my mother died.  It was such a relief.  I am so glad she is no longer in this world and since there is no Heaven or Hell, I won't ever have to see her again.  This is really sad.  I hope my children won't say that about me when I am gone.  Whatever my mother did, I tried to do the opposite.  Sometimes a strange negative thought comes into my mind and I wonder where in the world it came from.  Then I laugh and say, "Margaret lives."

Comment by Patricia on January 18, 2013 at 1:28pm

Just proves the churches can't/won't share the wealth with each other!

Comment by Future on January 18, 2013 at 1:21pm

There are thousands of small churches across the US that could not survive if they were taxed.  I don't really wish to see them shuttered because of something outside of their control.  However, practicing politics is completely inside of their control, and I am all for removing the tax exemption from any church who is stupid enough to use their captive audience to influence political issues and elections.  In my vision of a perfect world, all churches would be shuttered not because they had no choice, but because their members started thinking critically and left.

Comment by Patricia on January 18, 2013 at 1:12pm

As a Canadian I'm on the outside looking in, but as neighbors we're very close to you guys & so many things are showing us the US isn't that bloody wonderful.....nor blessed. We get all your tv networks so we see a lot of your news, & I can't say we like much of what we see. I know we have a lot of our own issues, but your's have gone way beyond the toleration point, & unfortunately we tend to follow. I just have to hope our leaders can stand up to your's as strongly as possible.

Comment by booklover on January 18, 2013 at 11:42am

I'd LOVE to see that also Felaine, but I doubt it will ever happen.

Sending the golden snitch cat to my daughter Steph! :)

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