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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 850
Latest Activity: yesterday

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Let's not define ourselves or others by our worst behaviors

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Dominique Lutz yesterday. 6 Replies

My take on the recent melt down at Hang With Friends, of which I missed part, is that some of us were tripped up by a habit of thought. It's something we learn growing up, and use without realizing how much pain it can generate -  failing to…Continue

Tags: dispute at Hang With Friends

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Idaho Spud Mar 29. 3 Replies

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling"the internet is a lifeline for people trapped in the most restrictive and stifling forms of…Continue

Tags: Warren Jeff, internet, FLDS

Ode to Yahweh (Non Stamp Collector & 43alley)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 24. 1 Reply

Ages ago (five or six years, I guess it is) when I first started recognizing my own atheism, one of the first atheist YouTubers I ran onto was Non Stamp Collector.  His handiwork wasn't up to Disney's standards, nor even Hanna-Barbera, but his wit…Continue

Tags: Yahweh, YouTube, 43alley, Non Stamp Collector

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Mar 15. 3 Replies

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline"Populations of Eel-like lamprey have suddenly plummeted since the year 2000 in the Columbia Basin, surprising…Continue

Richard Dawkins, Growing Up in the Universe

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 14. 2 Replies

Here is an oldie, the young Richard Dawkins teaching kids about the universe. I especially like the one demonstrating how the eye evolved. This should answer those who believe it was impossible to evolve an eye. Continue

Tags: universe, teaching, Dawkins, Richard

Seeing Things (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Feb 25. 2 Replies

TheraminTrees doesn't release videos very often these days,  but when he does, they are positive GEMS.  Most recent of his works is the following, wherein he dismantles some of the common rebuttals atheist get from believers when we assert our…Continue

Tags: seeing things, YouTube, TheraminTrees

Comment Wall

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Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 5:26pm

My parents were very social, liked to go camping, and travel till we moved here to Burbank when I was 5 (15 years after they were married.)  Dad's ambition was to start his own business and resign from Union Oil Co. (even though he was friends and a fraternity brother of the CEO.)  He did all that.

AND he "farmed" the extra land that was attached to the house until the city began surveying and dividing this neighborhood into standard lots. (Both my parents grew up on small farms.) 

Dad was NOT controlling...he and Mother worked things out between them without yelling, or animosity, as far as I know.  HOWEVER, he began drinking heavily when I was about 10 or 11; he was never mean or abusive...just stupid.  It nearly killed me because he was a brilliant man, and that's one of the many reasons I wanted a contract with ANY touring show ASAP.

SO....I was 20, and in Greenville, SC when I got a letter that the family had done an "intervention," and Dad was in a drying-out place.  He refused to have anything to do with AA, which is one reason I'm pretty sure he was a closeted atheist. 

Anyroad, he did dry out, and I left the show at the end of that year's tour, came home, went to work for him for 7 years....till he "fell off the wagon," and I ran away again.

So, yes, our family became dysfunctional, mother became bitter, and in February 1984, I was faced with the situation of having both parents in the hospital at the same time....Dad had to have vein grafts in both legs to relieve the gangrene and other complications of diabetes, and Mother had cancer all over her body...the worst was a tumor in her thigh bone.

I spent the next 9 years driving one or the other of them to doctors appointments and to the ER in the middle of the night.  In the summer of 1985 Dad had a massive left hemisphere stroke, and died that October.  Mother lived till July 1993...I was effing glad she was NOT here for the Northridge quake in January 1994....scary, scary, scary. It happened before the sun was above the horizon...just like the Sylmar quake.

But I have been knocking myself out trying to keep my head above water ever since then.  I'm tired of it all.  Or just plain tired.

*glub! glub!  glub!*

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 4:41pm

Felaine, Your story of your mother is interesting and reflects the challenges people had during that era. Scarlet fever took its toll on many families. That is another scourge we have under control, here.

Your mother, with her inquiring mind, may have seen beyond the confines of her life. I wonder if she ever doubted or called into question her faith. If she was locked into gender-role stereotypes, she could have felt hopeless. 

Your father probably had a very organized and systematic way of seeing and doing things. He may have had a sense of need to control. Accountants tend to need order.

Do you remember the personality tests we all had to take in high school to determine our career choices? That is what I am talking about; each person has a personality profile that tends to fit an occupational profile. 

I am not suggesting there was dysfunction in your home, but I am suggesting that the occupational choice of your father may be correlated with attitudes and behaviors that may have impacted your mother. An accountant needs to be compulsive about accuracy. Was he rigid with your mother? 

Your mother going back to reading the bible could imply a return to dependency and hope for a better afterlife.  

Of course I could be wrong, I have been before and I will be again. However, for me, the implication is to live fully, joyfully, interesingly, interdependently, in the now. There is no other life, nor is there a god who loves us and cares for us. There is no heaven where we will get a just reward. There is now, here. 

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 3:20pm

Ian, I loved Charles Schulz for many reasons, but the two most important ones were his love of ice skating, and the fact that he was a non-believer.
*********************************
If you all want a good laugh, read the "rapture & heaven" sequences in Robert A. Heinlein's JOB: a Comedy of Justice.  NOT my favorite R.A.H. novel, but those parts are hilarious.... heaven is a gigantic bureaucracy, and the snobbish original inhabitants (angels) are disgusted with the sudden influx of rude and crude "creatures" that need things like plumbing and hamburger joints (humans)

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 3:16pm

Ian, that Peanuts cartoons is priceless. Exactly what happens to some. 

For me, I slept away 2013 and during the summer I slept inside at night and in the garden during the day. Now that I am recovered, I realize the Earth kept turning, people were able and willing to take the responsibility off me, and some of the things needed to be let go. 

Now, I am sitting in my garden, I paid all my bills, Arranged for repairs for the roof and blow out the pipes in Oct. I'm cooking a full meal tonight and all is well with my world. 

Including, Cary took a photo that I requested of him this morning and as I sit here, a squirrel climbed the huge sunflower stalks looking for ripe sunflower seeds. He watched me as he explored, just 10 feet away from me. All of a sudden I heard a "CRACK" and down went one of large stalks. The squirrel looked as surprised as I felt. 

I enjoy the critters and their adventures. I think the hummingbirds have left for this season, I haven't seen one for several days. With the billions and billions of flowers in my garden, they would fight like gladiators over one blossom. Isn't nature interesting? 

Comment by The Flying Atheist on September 21, 2014 at 3:04pm

If the rapture is anything like getting selected for school sports teams, I'm screwed.  I always got picked last. 

Comment by Ian Mason on September 21, 2014 at 2:26pm

Comment by Ian Mason on September 21, 2014 at 2:25pm

Joan/Felaine: having worked in elderly care for 18 years, I've met quite a few people who "enjoy" their illnesses. It means that they're no longer responsible for anything. I myself used the same tactic when I was active as an alcoholic - "I suffer from depression,therefore no-one can expect me to stop drinking".

A pictorial version, by Schutz:

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 4:49am

Joan, my mother was born in 1905...the middle of 8 children...5 boys and 3 girls.  (Two of them died before age 18...scarlet fever)

  She quit school after the 8th grade to help feed the family. but she never stopped learning...married an MBA from USC (I think he became a closeted atheist somewhere along the line)....was an avid reader. was as thrilled as I was by the Apollo moon landings....but she was also something of an Oklahoma fundie...but stopped dragging me to Sunday School when I complained about not having a "day off" when I was about 10 or 11.

In her later years she went back to reading the buybull, and listened to Gene Scott on a tiny radio (with earphones.)  I don't know if she was more perturbed by my atheism (I made no secret of it) or my sister's JW obsessions.  She specifically said "NO funeral" when it became obvious that her body was failing...

We had no service for Dad, either.  (Pissed off his sister, who married "the son of a preacher-man.") And I paid off my membership with the Neptune Society years ago.

And that's the troooooooththththth,

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 3:40am

k.h. ky, when I was a member of the Presbyterian church, we had sessions after sermons when the pastor would meet with anyone who wanted to discuss his sermon. When I would bring up the use of man, I interpreted that as excluding women. The pastor vehemently claimed that man meant men and women. I would respond with something like, "If you mean men and women, then say men and women". He was a stubborn man, with absolute belief in scripture and dogma, and out of stubbornness, I suppose, or maybe out of principle, he never included women when he said man, meaning man and woman. 

The old fart! During one of his sermons, I got up and walked back. The bell had rung for me, I knew I did not belong there. The siren sounded in my head, and I had no other choice, but to leave ... for good. I had some doubts at first, I expected a bolt of lightning to hit my chair, but no such thing ever happened and I am content with my decision. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 3:27am

People respond so differently to having cancer or any life threatening disease. Felaine, your mother clearly was a troubled woman and caught in cycles of helplessness and hopelessness. At least with cancer, she could exploit the disease. Your description of her sounds so familiar. People learn how to think of themselves very young and I am wondering about the quality of parenting she had. People growing up at the time she was had very little access to mental health care and if she was born into a dysfunctional family, she probably didn't have any way to see beyond the traditional. 

The good news is, you live in an enlightened age and know how to access resources in order to change the patterns that pass from generation to generation, just as genes pass along. Behavior is different, it is a learned behavior and learned behaviors can be replaced with healthy functioning. 

I am so sorry your sister has Asperger's disease. I know you learned all you could about it, and that is about all you can do. She is a reality in your life. She must create a lot of stress for you. You manage so well, you deserve a lot of credit for your care of her. You are one of the unsung heroes that provides care without complaint, and understands her condition. That is about all you can do. 

 

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