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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 839
Latest Activity: 1 hour ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

A comment is a shout-out, which will get lost in a few days, because the comment wall is just a random stack.

Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Optical Illusions

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by sk8eycat Sep 13. 60 Replies

This one seems a bit creepy, like the middle one shouldn't be able to change rotation like that. from Cheezburger.comContinue

Ebola Drug From BC

Started by Patricia Sep 12. 0 Replies

Ebola drug fast tracked.....http://www.cbc.ca/1.2731250B.C.'s Tekmira gets FDA approval to fast track Ebola drugContinue

Ebola Researcher from BC

Started by Patricia. Last reply by The Flying Atheist Sep 12. 1 Reply

From our news......Young scientist garnering international attention for Ebola research…Continue

Ozone Recovering?

Started by Patricia Sep 11. 0 Replies

http://shar.es/11RhRK Following a harrowing depletion in recent decades, Earth's protective ozone layer, high in the planet's atmosphere, is on the track to recovery, according to a new report released today…Continue

what boobs are good for

Started by dr kellie. Last reply by Larry Sep 5. 84 Replies

I discovered a brilliant new way to avoid  having xians ring my doorbell in attempt to share the good news with me.  Just now, I was in my kitchen, washing dishes and finding something to eat, when I looked out the large window above my sink.  Two…Continue

Your favorite photobombs?

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Aug 25. 10 Replies

Running of the bulls photobomb.Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

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Comment by booklover on April 25, 2014 at 4:05pm

As always, great advice Joan!  Hugs.

Patricia, have a good time and safe travels!

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 25, 2014 at 3:05pm

Mindy, You are just very fine! What you feel is what you feel and you can honor that without guilt. If you want her for a friend, by all means make that choice. If you don't want to, or not now, make that choice. You don't have to explain anything. Just make your statement and go on with life. 
About the anxiety attack, a good counselor can help you with that. Basically, sit quietly, paying attention to your breath. When a thought comes to mind, thank it for visiting and dismiss it away. It takes a lot of practice to get to the point where you can just sit, relaxed, breathing easily, and letting go of thoughts. That static in your mind can wear you out. 

Mindfulness Strategies

I like Chris' response: a hug, even virtual, is coming your way from me and I am sure all of us on this string. 

Ruth gives very good advice, and based on healthy communication skills. She is right on target about being honest with yourself and then letting her know. 

Patricia always has strong responses and, by golly, she is right. I really like what she said. You are who you are. Period.

Felaine has good sense as well ... goodness, we are lucky to have such trustworthy and wise friends. She advises using the Block button on Facebook and that is a great idea.

So, you have a lot of options and even more if you need to find a better way. However, there are some good options here to kick around. You are not a victim. You have everything you need to come out of this a winner. Sit back, enjoy that you have breath, celebrate your life, and experience the gratitude of strong family and friends. 

I just read your response and it seems you have been able to quiet your thoughts and get your anxiety down. Remember, anxiety is a symptom of feeling helpless. To feel optimistic is the goal. The method to achieve your goal lies within the symptoms. Look for mad, glad, sad, afraid, guilt, shame and you will usually find the cause of your anxiety. 
 

Comment by Idaho Spud on April 25, 2014 at 3:03pm

See ya Patricia.  Have fun.

Comment by Patricia on April 25, 2014 at 2:58pm

Well if you didn't like her much to begin with, then it should be a no-brainer.

Anyway, will finish packing & be ready to leave for the bus depot in a couple of hours. See you all on Monday.

Comment by booklover on April 25, 2014 at 2:16pm

Thanks Chris!  Hugs to you too!!! <3

Ruth,  I don't miss being young, but I need to work on being a little thinner, just for health.  I just really never liked her much, and I don't want to see her or talk to her.  So, I guess I answered my own question.  Thank you! You are such a nice friend. :)

Patricia, I LOVE your say it like it is style!  I did take your advice and went through my short friends list, and only kept a very few people who I enjoy sharing jokes and pictures with, which mostly include my sister, niece, etc. You're terrific!

And Felaine, you are absolutely correct!  I dumped her 22 years ago, and I DO worry too much!  And this is me on meds for that! lol.  I'm glad you are my friend.

So I will look at FB to get good stuff to share with you guys, and play a few games with my sister (Words with Friends is like Scrabble), and share a few jokes, etc.  Otherwise, AN is the place where the best friends to have are!!! <3 <3 <3

Comment by sk8eycat on April 25, 2014 at 1:58pm

Mindy, friendship, like love, should be unconditional. 

If somebody places conditions on how they should behave toward you, they are NOT True Friends.  DUMP THEM!  I have done that several times in the past 50+ years, and it may have hurt at first (but it usually hurt because they had done something to hurt me and/or mine), but it made life much easier in the long run.

You are a GOOD person, but you worry too much!  If you need FlakeBook to keep in touch with your extended family, limit it to just them, and block everyone else...if that can be done.

That site makes me very nervous; IMO it's useless except for small commercial and non-profit (animal rescue) enterprises.  I'm usually a very private person; I don't want Jack Schidt and his 10,000,000 friends to know what I'm thinking and doing...or not doing. I stick to e-mail to stay in touch. 

And this place.

Comment by Patricia on April 25, 2014 at 1:26pm

Going back is not possible.....I've tried it......doesn't work. Facebook seems to be an issue as well & nobody forces anyone to keep going there to risk contact with people not wanted. If no contact or renewal is of any interest, then why reply with a life story inviting more contact?

I'd like to be thinner too, but that is not my reality at this point in time. My weight, good or bad, is nobody's business but mine. As for what I look like, that is also nobody else's business, & I don't give a flying fig what people think.

As for facebook, I'd have absolutely nothing to do with that damn site.

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on April 25, 2014 at 10:59am

booklover, it sounds to me as if you miss being young and thin. I agree that a friend shallow enough to insist that you lose weight to be her bridesmaid might not be attractive. There's a possibility that she's matured. Were I in your situation, I'd tell her the real reason you don't seek her company, and how much her insisting that you lose weight to be her bridesmaid had hurt. Explain how you need friends that validate what's important to you now. Ask if she still has that attitude which so offended you.

Even if you reject her proposal to be a friend, it's healthier to be honest about why. You don't need to make excuses. We're proud of you just as you are.

Comment by Plinius on April 25, 2014 at 10:51am

You don't need advice Mindy, just a hug. You're doing all right! (((HUG)))

Comment by booklover on April 25, 2014 at 7:44am

Hi guys!  I need advice.  I KNOW I shouldn't be on Facebook.  This is what happened and I'm being wimpy about it.  When I had just given birth to my first child, I had already had a miscarriage, then I almost miscarried my daughter.  So I SAT.  And got FAT.  I had always been thin until this happened but I stayed on "chair rest" until I had her.  My then "best friend" was wanting me to be Matron of Honor in her wedding.  I didn't want to, as I actually didn't really even like her all that much, it was sort of a residual friendship from high school.  Then I had to have my gallbladder out.  Then I had a panic attack that was so horrible that I just felt utter despair.  So, this "friend" kept telling me I'd better lose the weight I'd gained, and all the other bridesmaids were thin, so I'd better get thin again before her wedding, etc.

To get to the point, I used to have a problem saying things to people's faces.  I wrote her a nice letter and said thank you for asking me, but I just can't do it right now, I'm having too many health problems, etc.  I even inferred that I didn't have the money, although that was a lie, and could I just be a guest.  She got really mad, etc.  We went back and forth, and the friendship ended.

Today I get a friend-request from her on Facebook, plus a message, "I want to see my old BFF (best friends forever, lol!)

I don't want to !!!!!!  Our time together was as young and pretty and thin, etc. and not based on anything substantial.  I am NOT that person anymore, although I'd take the thin part back. ha ha.

We live in the same city.  But it's a city of 150,000 people so it's not tiny.

My daughter says "F--- no!"  Well I just messaged the woman and said I have anxiety issues, and told her about my life, and asked about hers, but said it would be awkward to try and renew a friendship now. 

I guess I'm asking what you all think.  I think I know the answer. I just needed to talk this out.  Thanks for listening.

 

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