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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 837
Latest Activity: 6 hours ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Discussion Forum

what boobs are good for

Started by dr kellie. Last reply by Bertold Brautigan 8 hours ago. 77 Replies

I discovered a brilliant new way to avoid  having xians ring my doorbell in attempt to share the good news with me.  Just now, I was in my kitchen, washing dishes and finding something to eat, when I looked out the large window above my sink.  Two…Continue

Surreal, I haz it

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Aug 6. 76 Replies

Surreal, not just found in art.Continue

Tags: surreal

Eat vegetables, Be happy

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Plinius Aug 1. 9 Replies

An association between the amount of fruit and vegetables people ate and their happiness? Yes indeed. People who ate 7 portions of fruits and/or vegetables a day were the happiest.…Continue

Tags: vegetables, fruit, diet, happiness

Optical Illusions

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Idaho Spud Jul 30. 59 Replies

This one seems a bit creepy, like the middle one shouldn't be able to change rotation like that. from Cheezburger.comContinue

Forest Fire

Started by Patricia. Last reply by Patricia Jul 21. 14 Replies

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Comment by The Flying Atheist on April 5, 2014 at 1:42am

Joan, thanks for sharing the intimate details of your story.  It really humbles me and puts perspective on my own life.  I've been extremely lucky to have been raised by two caring parents along with three other wonderful siblings.  Other than the expected backlash of anger I may have received from my parents when I truly deserved it, there was no kind of abuse whatsoever in my childhood.  I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to live in a constant state of fear of physical or mental abuse, both as a child and as an adult. 

It seems almost ironic that it took the actions of a small 10 year old kid to stand up to your husband and to plant the seeds of freedom into you.  You did a wonderful thing for yourself and for your children by taking your life back.  And it shows when you post stories and pictures of them here on A|N.  You have accomplished so much in your life and have proven yourself as a extraordinary role model.  Hugs to you. 

Comment by Plinius on April 5, 2014 at 1:23am

And I can't figure why someone would want to beat two month old babies! That's a crime!

Comment by Plinius on April 5, 2014 at 1:20am

I marvel at your daughter, Joan, how she found the strength to defend herself - she must have learnt it from you, I think, but you didn't dare to use it at the time. Wonderful, how you escaped and grew strong!

I never laughed too in my parents' house. Sexist men only joke with people they see as equals, never with women. Such men target their unfunny jokes at women, then say women have no sense of humor.

The humor broke out when I felt good about myself, and it's still there. I even use it in teaching - so good when fifteen people have a good laugh together!

Comment by Arp on April 5, 2014 at 12:53am

Joan, I read your story, and I realized what you went through. I can only say you are a real life hero. You have my admiration.

About revealing my atheism, I have no fear in revealing my atheism to the people I know such as friends, family and relatives.

I'm only concerned about strangers and school bullies (I'm still a student) who just need a thing to pick on others.

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 5, 2014 at 12:23am

Oh yes, I understand your situation Arp. Many do not want their atheism revealed because of personal, professional or other reasons and I honor that. 

I have been trying to figure out a way to get the fine writings that occur in various Atheist Nexus sites to the general population without exposing others to unnecessary risks. 

I am retired and living on my pension. I have nothing to lose by exposing myself to public knowledge of my strong anti-theist thinking. I think the problems that religion creates are so serious, they need to be exposed, challenged and replaced with ways of thinking that are healthier for the planet. 

The conversations that occur on Atheist Nexus are very different than on Facebook and Twitter. The real food for thought comes on these sites. This is where I come for nourishment and for a safe place to rant. 

Comment by Grinning Cat on April 4, 2014 at 10:42pm

Joan, you truly went through challenges I can't imagine... I'm glad you broke the cycle, and you and your kids went on to create a good life!

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 4, 2014 at 8:43pm

By the way, we ran away from our home on base at Ft Hood, TX in 1974; my husband was a full colonel by then. Yes, officers beat their wives and children, too. Don't let anyone tell you it is only the lower income, uneducated, low social strata that experience family violence.

I made a very good living after I earned my master's degree, when I had a private practice and most of my clients were wives of ministers, doctors, lawyers, judges and business executives. I was called as an expert witness in several child custody cases. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 4, 2014 at 8:33pm

Carl, Oh, yes! I think so. As a very small child I was always trying to figure out how to escape the razor strap which my mother used with perfect skill, and I was often trying to untangle their terrible fights. I was an only child and after WWII we lived in a neighborhood with no other children my age. I loved going over to Mrs. Robinson’s home with my collie and visit her many dogs, cats, chickens, Guinea hens and parrot. That is where I spent most of my time until I graduated from high school. 

After I married, I had to learn how to walk on egg shells and became quite good at it. When the children were born, my daughter was six weeks old when she received the first beating,  then my son Craig, and then my son Cary. I taught them how to be quiet when their dad was home, we spoke in sign language. 

One day in 1974, when Laura was ten years old, she put her hands on her hips, looked her Dad in the eye, when she was only eye level with his brass buckle belt and told him he didn’t have the right to treat us that way. 

Click! What did she say? She said he didn’t have the right to treat us this way! How many other times had he treated us in a way that he didn’t have a right to do? I put my kids in the car, with our two cats and their litters and drove two thousand miles, bought us an old condemned house and we lived in a tent until we got all the mice out of the place. We then moved in and slept on the floor, and used our tent for cooking. We did laundry in a basement sink, and began to work as a team. 

We planted a huge garden, made arrangements with Mert Rosauer, our local grocer, to scavenge his back room each week for out of date milk and meat. I worked full time, went to school and when the kids were in high school I finally had a master’s degree and began to make a living wage. 

That started 40 years ago, July 1, 1974. Now, 2014, that old condemned house is a lovely home with a beautiful garden where we hold weddings, funeral memorials, baby christenings, birthday celebrations and welcome in each new season with a festival. 

I lived with abundant resources and I lived with none. I know the struggles of families trying to survive with so many barriers to making a living wage. I spent my working years with people in trouble, whether it was at a boys’ ranch, at Community Colleges where I taught life skills for displaced homemakers, at battered women’s shelters, or at the prison where I taught men anger management and other skills they needed to survive in today’s world. 

I had to not only divorce my whole family, because we were generations of family violence victims, both men and women. I married a man with a similar heritage. To break out of the system, I had to break with family, religion, and community. 

Now, am I not one lucky woman!? I broke the cycle that goes back more generations than I have been able to find. I have gone back 15 generations on one grandparent … all with family violence. 

I am profoundly happy. I have met some rough challenges and I have been up to the task on every single one. Cancer was the most recent and I have been diagnosed with no cancer cells in my body. I had a chemo drip this afternoon and in three weeks I have my last. Life is too precious to be mad, sad, afraid, or guilty. 

Comment by Patricia on April 4, 2014 at 7:58pm

I'll have to steal that one Loren & send it around!

Comment by Joan Denoo on April 4, 2014 at 7:53pm

Loren, Priceless! I'm reposting. 

 

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