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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 852
Latest Activity: 15 hours ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

A comment is a shout-out, which will get lost in a few days, because the comment wall is just a random stack.

Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Betty Explains Religious Freedom (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Randall Smith 15 hours ago. 9 Replies

Well, considering all the RFRA bills popping up all over the United States, plus all the fun and games ISIS is bringing to the good folks in Syria and Iraq, Betty Bowers, the epitome of well-dressed christianity, has decided to clarify the true…Continue

Tags: persecution, ISIS, Religious Freedom, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

Surreal, I haz it

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner May 6. 82 Replies

Surreal, not just found in art.Continue

Tags: surreal

Let's not define ourselves or others by our worst behaviors

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Dominique Lutz Apr 16. 6 Replies

My take on the recent melt down at Hang With Friends, of which I missed part, is that some of us were tripped up by a habit of thought. It's something we learn growing up, and use without realizing how much pain it can generate -  failing to…Continue

Tags: dispute at Hang With Friends

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Idaho Spud Mar 29. 3 Replies

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling"the internet is a lifeline for people trapped in the most restrictive and stifling forms of…Continue

Tags: Warren Jeff, internet, FLDS

Ode to Yahweh (Non Stamp Collector & 43alley)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 24. 1 Reply

Ages ago (five or six years, I guess it is) when I first started recognizing my own atheism, one of the first atheist YouTubers I ran onto was Non Stamp Collector.  His handiwork wasn't up to Disney's standards, nor even Hanna-Barbera, but his wit…Continue

Tags: Yahweh, YouTube, 43alley, Non Stamp Collector

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Mar 15. 3 Replies

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline"Populations of Eel-like lamprey have suddenly plummeted since the year 2000 in the Columbia Basin, surprising…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Idaho Spud on November 21, 2014 at 6:47am

Thanks Patricia.  The "I have this book" one will probably go to my sister when I respond to her saying "We'll have to agree to disagree."  

I've been wanting to tell her I don't agree to disagree, because that makes it sound like our arguments are equal, when they're not.  Her arguments have no good evidence behind them, while mine have mountains of good scientific evidence.

Comment by sk8eycat on November 21, 2014 at 12:51am

Oh, Patricia!  GOOD stuff!  Thanks for posting ALL of it!  <3

Comment by Patricia on November 21, 2014 at 12:27am

Comment by Patricia on November 21, 2014 at 12:26am

Comment by sk8eycat on November 20, 2014 at 5:19pm

Carl, this is kinda cruel, but controlled experiments have been done with heart surgery patients, and the results were very weird.  The patients who had been told they were being prayed for did worse than any other group.

Try telling your mother to pray all she wants, but not to tell you about it.

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 20, 2014 at 5:05pm

Carl, you wrote that your mother said, 

"everyone I talk to, our friends and acquaintances, all say they are praying for you.  Prayer works."

If your mother's statement and the statements of others bother you, the trick is to reframe the experience. Especially with someone you love as much as your mother. Demonstrate to her and others that you put your full confidence in your medical team and in your strong desire to be healthy.

At the same time you know that there is an extremely high probability that prayers don't work because there is no god to hear them. I don't think it is wise to make the claim there is no god or prayer does not work, because you could be asked to prove your claim. It isn't possible to provide such proof. 

Because you know those who believe in superstitions depend on something that does not probably exist, and they feel hopeless and helpless to take away the disease, they want very much to help. They care about you. 

If you can acknowledge their care with a genuine appreciation, while at the same time tell them what you really need. You, and many others need their active participation in fundraising for those in treatment, or for liver research. That way, you give them an out. That is something they can do, hopefully, and it isn't cheap prayers.

My rage was so powerful it showed when others said they would pray for me. I had to reframe my experience. I was rather blunt, even bold, in asking them to take part in some real effort to fight cancer. 

You could suggest to them that they could volunteer time to help you by driving you to appointments or doing grocery shopping, or just sitting with you. Or they could work to raise money to help patients with expenses, or for liver research. Or volunteer at the treatment center. 

One friend of mine who died of cancer asked for us to read to her.  

Ask them for what you need. I know! We do not ask for help, even when we need it. We are supposed to be self-sufficient. 

Tell your mother how you feel and what you need from her. She really does want to help you, even if it is rattling bones of birds and eyeballs of gnutes. Seize the opportunity to educate her. Show her the confidence you have in your team of medical professionals. 

Comment by Plinius on November 20, 2014 at 2:23pm

Your family always know how to hurt you - and mine never missed an opportunity. Try to forget Carl, or some day you suddenly close the door to them. And I hope you'll feel better soon!

Comment by Patricia on November 20, 2014 at 1:47pm

I agree Carl, it is an insult, & from someone who should know better.

My family members, (mummy dear, & my daughter & son-in-law) have been told the subject must stay closed if they expect any sort of civility from me. Otherwise, I do really well at cold shoulder.

Cold shoulder is still in place for mummy dear after she dumped me years ago, & has only last year decided she should speak to me. This isn't even about the moronism, just the fact she & dear ol' dad dropped me after he got pissed at something my husband said & we don't even know what it was.

"Daddy" died several years ago & mummy dear moved back to Canada nearly 3 years ago, but I didn't find out until I asked my daughter. I got a birthday card 2 years ago, postmarked from right here in BC. I had been trying to keep my daughter out of the differences, but methinks her grandmother didn't.

Comment by The Flying Atheist on November 20, 2014 at 1:01pm

I've been a bit absent from here.  I'm feeling fine, just very tired.  I was supposed to have a consultation with a surgeon this week concerning a quick, small surgery for my arm to ready myself for dialysis in case I get to that point.  At the last minute the doctor's office cancelled and told me the doctor will be out of the office until mid-December.  Ugh!  

But here's my real rant.......

The other day I was on the telephone with my mother, a church-going believer.  She said, Carl, I know you don't want to hear this, but everyone I talk to, our friends and acquaintances, all say they are praying for you.  Prayer works.

I have to honestly say that I truly felt insulted by that remark.  When I hear strangers say to me, "Have a blessed day" or when I hear them say to each other, "I'll pray for you,"  I just roll my eyes.  But hearing such a sentiment from my own mother at this time really bothered me.  It's such an insult to my intelligence, especially coming from a family member. 

Comment by Grinning Cat on November 20, 2014 at 9:20am

I remember a cartoon right after the Supremes handed the presidential election to Bush by a 5-4 vote: "I demand a recount!"

 

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