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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 852
Latest Activity: yesterday

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

A comment is a shout-out, which will get lost in a few days, because the comment wall is just a random stack.

Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Surreal, I haz it

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner May 6. 82 Replies

Surreal, not just found in art.Continue

Tags: surreal

Let's not define ourselves or others by our worst behaviors

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Dominique Lutz Apr 16. 6 Replies

My take on the recent melt down at Hang With Friends, of which I missed part, is that some of us were tripped up by a habit of thought. It's something we learn growing up, and use without realizing how much pain it can generate -  failing to…Continue

Tags: dispute at Hang With Friends

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Idaho Spud Mar 29. 3 Replies

The FLDS Cult Is Unraveling"the internet is a lifeline for people trapped in the most restrictive and stifling forms of…Continue

Tags: Warren Jeff, internet, FLDS

Ode to Yahweh (Non Stamp Collector & 43alley)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 24. 1 Reply

Ages ago (five or six years, I guess it is) when I first started recognizing my own atheism, one of the first atheist YouTubers I ran onto was Non Stamp Collector.  His handiwork wasn't up to Disney's standards, nor even Hanna-Barbera, but his wit…Continue

Tags: Yahweh, YouTube, 43alley, Non Stamp Collector

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Mar 15. 3 Replies

Oregon Field Guide - Lamprey Decline"Populations of Eel-like lamprey have suddenly plummeted since the year 2000 in the Columbia Basin, surprising…Continue

Richard Dawkins, Growing Up in the Universe

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 14. 2 Replies

Here is an oldie, the young Richard Dawkins teaching kids about the universe. I especially like the one demonstrating how the eye evolved. This should answer those who believe it was impossible to evolve an eye. Continue

Tags: universe, teaching, Dawkins, Richard

Comment Wall

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Comment by Joan Denoo on February 25, 2014 at 12:42am

Chris, I am so very sorry you have all these pressures on you. There seems to be no relief for you in sight. Is it possible for you to turn off the phone, to lie back and just catch your breath? Can you say "NO" to some of the demands placed on you? Is there someone who can help?

As I understand your predicament, others make demands on you that they have no right to make. In a way, I am urging you to refuse to be a victim of life's circumstances and set limits that seem right for you. Is that at all possible?  

By all means, you are not weak! Your body gives you messages that you need to pay attention to and honor. You have the responsibility to pace yourself in the many tasks that lie ahead of you. Others have no right to impose tasks on you that are beyond your ability to handle. Your body is your friend telling you to set limits. 

If you feel any shame or guilt at not being able to do all the details, then you can just chuck those feelings in the toilet and get some rest, relax the way that works best for you, and take great pride in your gentle, caring nature.

I join in the group hug; my thoughts are with you hoping you can rest your body and your mind. 

Comment by Ian Mason on February 24, 2014 at 10:44pm

Sorry to hear about your siuation, Chris. Everyone has a point where he/she is over-burdened and you've gone beyong yours. That is NOT weakness. I hope you can find some way of delegating or of taking a break. You deserve some time for yourself. Hugs and good wishes from here.

Nice one, Napoleon. One day it might come true.

Comment by sk8eycat on February 24, 2014 at 4:34pm

Chris, you are beyond being able to relax on your own, especially if your heart rate is out of control.  Can't your GP give you something, a mild tranquilizer, to help you get through this stressful period?  So many people think "tranquilizers = evil" but at times we do need more help than our bodies can provide, and I think that's what's happening to you (even though I'm half a world away...almost).  I took care of both my parents at home while they were going through all kinds of medical hell...at the same time, and there were days when I wanted to run away...and leave no forwarding address.  I still feel that way when my sister's autism/Asperger's gets on my nerves, but I can't.  No place to run to, and no car to get me to one.  I'm stuck here.  And I do get occasional chemical help (I don't drink, so I get an Rx for a very mild relaxer, and am looking into herbal remedies.)

In the meantime, I AM thinking of you, wishing someone in your family would realize it's NOT YOUR JOB  to do everything.  And it's NOT YOUR FAULT that you aren't Superwoman.  Nobody is.

Adding my cyber-hugs to Mindy's {{{{{Chris}}}}}  And many purrs and head-bonks from my two lazy cats.  (How does one type a head-bonk?  >^..^<)

Comment by Idaho Spud on February 24, 2014 at 1:14pm

Chris, I'm sorry about your stress-load.  

I would ask if you can delegate, but that's probably as stupid as your GP's suggestion.  Plus, I hate delegating.  I like things done my way.

I am learning my limit however.  When I reach it, I just refuse to do anymore, despite people thinking I'm lazy.

Comment by Plinius on February 24, 2014 at 10:33am

How I hate being weak! It has been a load of extra work of course, organising for brother-in-law, cleaning out his apartment, taking care of his cat, making everything ready for a move to a home for people with non innate brain damage, washing - have you noticed  how hospital staff find the woman in the patient's family and give her ten kilograms of washing? - visiting the patient, have endless talks with psychologists and social workers. I took the load of course, together with husband - till last week. My heartrate went up to a point where I couldn't sleep anymore, I'm nauseous and dizzy and I've spent the weekend in bed, lying awake and crying when someone says something kind to me. I can manage this, but I really don't know how to manage the extra work. The stupid GP says that I should relax; what a wonderful diagnosis...

Comment by Idaho Spud on February 24, 2014 at 10:23am

Ian, I like your "Screw it, I'm gardening" picture.

Comment by Ian Mason on February 24, 2014 at 9:05am

Joan: first, I agree with Mindy and second, I have 3 sets of skills that have been of less and less use as time has gone on (printer, B.A. lit and care worker) I was already too old to use the B.A. when I'd finished it at the age of 28, most printing work in Europe has now been moved to Poland or the Baltic states (no unions, low pay) and the current financial crisis is causing huge cuts at floor level in care work while the nunber of bureaucrats and "consultants" increases. At age 57 I would never get a place in any new training and am not attractive to employers. The truth is that for working class people in our times you can't win and without a good union you can't break even.

Comment by sk8eycat on February 24, 2014 at 4:29am

Joan, what about highly-educated people who are let go when the frantic rush is over?...I'm thinking of all the aerospace workers at Douglas and other companies who were laid off when Tricky Dick cut the funding for the Apollo program while he was talking to Armstrong and Aldrin on the moon.  Many of them ended up driving cabs and mopping hospital floors...some for years.  There just weren't enough jobs in their specialties to go around.

A few managed to get into other fields...the Bird Respirator (that little green thing that isn't used much anymore) was invented by a couple of guys who worked on space suit life support.

And when people with PhDs end up driving cabs,  or working as janitors, or pumping gas, what happens to the people who only know how to drive cabs or mop floors?  And gas stations started closing by the dozens about then, too.

IMO we are over-breeding...there aren't as many good jobs to go around as there were 50 years ago.  I used to do manual bookkeeping after I quit skating...one person using QuickBooks, or some other program, can do in one day what it took me a week or more to do manually (plus typing out all the P&Ls and relevant tax returns...on a manual typewriter!)  I am obsolete.  Totally.

I did sort of learn one bookkeeping system almost 20 years ago... M.A.S.90...it was hideously complex, but if you did everything right, it not only kept the books in balance, but printed accounts payable checks, AND figured the payroll and printed those checks, too.  But if you made a mistake, it took an act of congress to reverse it out and start over. 

My employer treated me like a recalcitrant 3-year old.  I stuck it out for a year because I needed the money; during that year three other, younger, smarter women came in and worked alongside me (it was a very small office) and all three quit in tears.  I didn't quit in tears, but I had already cleaned out my desk and was just waiting.  When the Revolving B*tch started in on me one afternoon, I just took my key to the office off my key ring flipped it in the middle of the room, and said "Goodbye.".And walked out the door.

She had the nerve to call me two days later to ask if I was still going to baby-sit her cocker spaniel that weekend.  I had no arguments with Beanie, so I did...as long as I didn't have to see Mrs. B*tch.  Her husband met me and paid me.

As far as I know there are no unions for "white collar" workers in small offices.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 24, 2014 at 12:32am

Felaine, what a life you have had! It must have been exciting and I imagine you met many different types of people. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 24, 2014 at 12:24am

Patricia, I know what you write is true, however, Loren makes the case that I am trying to: 

  • In the face of enlightened, personnel-oriented management, unions are unnecessary.
  • In the face of antagonistic, profit-oriented management, unions are MANDATORY.

Unions, like democracy, is only as good as the people involved. 

Perhaps you have a different idea of how to equalize power between workers and management. With an excess of workers applying for each job, and with people not having the skills needed to perform the jobs for this time in history, and not having resources to upgrade their skills, what options do you see? 

A well informed working person knows what skills are needed and takes the initiative to learn those skills. 

Typically, low skill jobs, often in the service industry, do not pay living wages and therefore workers have to take the initiative to develop those skills that pay well. If they failed to get a good public education, or if they failed to apply themselves in free public school, who is to blame for their economic problems? 

I have very little interest in those who did not apply themselves in school. They have no one to blame but themselves. 

For those who did apply themselves in school, learned to be a mechanic, or nurse, or technician, or plumber, or electrician, and who perform at responsible levels, they should be able to earn a living wage. These people, when exploited, need to unionize. 

 

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