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Hang With Friends

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Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

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Discussion Forum

blu (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller on Friday. 5 Replies

After what has seemed like a very long hiatus, TheraminTrees is BACK.  No great surprise, not only hasn't he lost a step, he may actually have gained a few!  That said, may I present:bluContinue

Tags: blu, YouTube, TheraminTrees

Don't leave your keys on your desk: company copies keys from photos for $6

Started by Grinning Cat. Last reply by Grinning Cat Sep 23. 8 Replies

"Keys Duplicated" will make a copy of your house key from smartphone photos, for anyone with a credit card.…Continue

Tags: stealth key copying, stealth key duplication, key copying, key copying from photos, stealth

Optical Illusions

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by sk8eycat Sep 22. 64 Replies

This one seems a bit creepy, like the middle one shouldn't be able to change rotation like that. from Cheezburger.comContinue

Ebola Drug From BC

Started by Patricia. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Sep 20. 1 Reply

Ebola drug fast tracked.....http://www.cbc.ca/1.2731250B.C.'s Tekmira gets FDA approval to fast track Ebola drugContinue

Ebola Researcher from BC

Started by Patricia. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Sep 20. 2 Replies

From our news......Young scientist garnering international attention for Ebola research…Continue

Ozone Recovering?

Started by Patricia Sep 11. 0 Replies

http://shar.es/11RhRK Following a harrowing depletion in recent decades, Earth's protective ozone layer, high in the planet's atmosphere, is on the track to recovery, according to a new report released today…Continue

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Comment by Joan Denoo on November 26, 2013 at 4:24pm

Having a nice husband and good father is very important and I don't mean to make light of the importance of those relationships. I am sorry to learn that church is their main contact with the outside world. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 26, 2013 at 4:22pm

Ouch, Patricia, five grandchildren can bring a lot of pleasure into one's life and it is too bad to miss out on that. It is really sad to think they will grow old not remembering times with you and your husband. Playing church doesn't offer much opportunity for imagination or questioning.

Three of my great-grandchildren came into our lives when they lost their mother to illness. Their daddy was overwhelmed and when I first met him, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. He has settled down nicely to his new combined family and the three children, all between 12 and 2 years old, were leary at first, very cautious about getting close.

I was recovering from heart surgery at the time and couldn't go exploring in the forest as I did with my own great-grandchildren, or make drums out of fallen logs,  or make things out of found items. So we started out by going outside after dark. I sat in a rocker, put a sheet over my head, shone a flashlight from my lap over my face, then started a ghost story. I passed the flashlight and sheet to the next child who told his/her part of the story, and we kept going around the circle until all the children added to the story. At first, those three couldn't do it at all. They just had no imagination. Over the four years since then, they tell the most fantastic stories. Really clever, full of imagination, very creative. 

Church stories are made up by adults and told to children who become passive learners. My goal with the little ones is to have them become creators, imaginers, and free thinkers. 

When my grandkids were little, I told them of the people I met on my research projects, and they told stories of their experiences and their friends. We also did "What if"" stories or "How come?" ones, or "Who is it?" or ... any topic that gets them imagining. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 26, 2013 at 3:58pm

Mindy, your cartoon didn't come onto my wall, but I was able to retrieve it in the email. 

Now here is an interesting situation. You are a guest in someone else's home; they give a blessing, my decision is to not close my eyes, not bow my head and not say "Amen". 

If I am the host, especially if children are at my table, I offer thanks to the farmers or gardeners who grew the food, and the source of grocer or farmers market. No heads bowed, no eyes closed, no amens. 

Sometimes I am questioned if that is a prayer and I respond that it is a statement of appreciation for all those who made our meal possible. 

Comment by Patricia on November 26, 2013 at 3:48pm

Other than religion, my son-in-law treats my daughter well, & is a fairly nice fellow. They are happy together, & that does count a lot.

Comment by Patricia on November 26, 2013 at 3:46pm

My daughter has 5 kids, all of whom are completely immersed in crap. I had hoped as they grew older they'd start seeing what a load it all is but so far, no luck. Their world is so restricted, I haven't seen any questioning, but then as we're not close & don't live in the same towns, I wouldn't see these things anyway. When they were still living in this town, they used to visit & the 3 kids at that time, would be playing church, not school, not doctor, but church! I have never seen kids play church before, so was rather stunned. When I was a kid, that's the last damn thing I wanted to think about. After they moved to Kelowna, & 2 more kids, the distance is more than just miles/kilometers, but then it always was. We don't have much in common so maintaining a relationship is rather stressful in itself. Religion doesn't have to be a part of anything & my daughter is the one who calls/emails when she wants something.

Sounds like fun, huh Melinda? Different city is often the best.

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 26, 2013 at 3:31pm

The key element here, in both your cases, is you want to maintain relationships with the ones with whom you set limits. That is the appropriate, healthy and responsible thing to do. 

For myself, I have heard all the religion for more than one lifetime; I don't need any more information, I need to be free of the entanglement that happens when loved ones want me to be saved. I made the decision to set limits, if my conditions are violated, I block their communication and not seek to participate with them. 

Funny thing, I have talked about this before, most of the people that I blocked because they stepped over the line I set, have sought contact with me. I reassure them I am available if religion does not invade our relationships. If they have difficulty sorting out their feelings and needs, I can help them sort; I need no proselytizing. 

Whatever you decide, and for whatever reason, it is up to you to decide for you. Your decision is no one else's business.

If one feels stuck in a relationship that violates one's limits, that indicates there are mixed needs. Those internal conflicts need to be sorted out, a decision made, and then one is not a victim.  

Comment by booklover on November 26, 2013 at 3:10pm

Comment by booklover on November 26, 2013 at 3:09pm

Patricia, your husband sounds like mine.  I have to do this with my sister and her husband.  She claims to not be an xtian anymore, just believes there is a gawd.  HE KNOWS there is one, he's prejudiced against non-whites (Doesn't claim to be, just talks like he is and makes me FURIOUS), and he's FAR RIGHT -WING.  YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He's good to my sister and niece and nephew, and I want a relationship with them, so it's a GOOD THING we don't live in the same city and see each other very often!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 26, 2013 at 2:52pm

Patricia, I am happy to learn you have time to investigate which computer will work best for you. There are lots of brands from which to choose. I look forward to learning what you decide. 

Have to keep these lines open to chat with this group. Never boring, always enlightening, and very often fun. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 26, 2013 at 2:49pm

Patricia, sounds as though you make a very responsible decision in this case. You want to keep the relationship with your daughter and grandchild and in order to do that you have to set limits on subject matter.

Good for you. You are not the villain in this situation; you know what you know and what you need. Taking care of yourself is essential for mental health. Listening to or participating in a conversation, such as religion, with them is of no interest to you and your line should be drawn. 

If you don't have choices, you become a victim. Because you do have choices, and because you have drawn the line, you are not a victim. You are a decent, wise and compassionate person. 

I support you 100%.

 

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