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Comment by Steph S. on January 19, 2013 at 4:50pm

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 19, 2013 at 1:54pm

Melinda, your story is most compelling, full of the human frailties that bring so much misery into the world. Your Mom clearly broke the "bitch" cycle and she has strength of character to create herself in her own image; she sounds like a woman with great heart, generosity and compassion that children so badly need. 

Perhaps your mother was attracted to the "playboy" aspect of your father even as she has sense enough to be able to see reality and make whatever adjustments she needed. A truly noble character. She offers you a good example for the troubled times we approach in this day. Be realistic, recognize others' flaws and develop resilience. 

Of course you had "panic attacks!" That is a perfectly normal coping strategy, especially for young children. Some people are never able to learn how to manage such experiences throughout a lifetime. With solid reasoning, loving yourself, and perhaps help from a therapist, and certainly with a loving husband, such attacks can be managed. What we learn as children to get through the stressers are often dysfunctional in adults. 

Growing up is a process of learning to overcome dysfunctional coping strategies and learning how to respect yourself and your story. As you learn these, you share your life with a loving partner and children, thus breaking old patterns. 

Please give your mother and husband a hug from me and tell them how much I appreciate their being in your life. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 19, 2013 at 1:38pm

Comment by Ian Mason on January 19, 2013 at 10:57am

Some very heartwarming accounts of brave lives lived in defiance of adversity. They give others hope and encouragement. Thank you so much.

Comment by Steph S. on January 19, 2013 at 10:44am

Love the Ikea cat and Tiger photo booklover.

Thanks for sharing your family stories with us.

I enjoy reading about your daily lives here.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Comment by booklover on January 19, 2013 at 9:20am

Comment by booklover on January 19, 2013 at 8:26am

Joan, you are right!  My Mom has even said that even though she and my father truly loved each other, she knew in her heart he would always be a 'playboy' and not someone who would be able to handle responsibility.  She wanted to get the hell away from her Mother.  She loved my Grandpa, but he would just stay quiet to keep the peace with my grandmother.  That makes me mad about him.  My grandmother was not an alcoholic or anything, just a bad mother and truly a bitch! She physically took care of her children, but mentally was horrible to them.

I think that my getting married so young was also because I wanted the security of having a husband.  My Mom was single again at the time, and  I was sharing a room with my sister.  I didn't have any real plan for after high school.  I went to community college and worked part-time, both off and on because of anxiety and panic-attacks (and we didn't know what they were at the time, I just thought I was crazy in a way my friends weren't), and I clung to my boyfriend, now my husband.  I'm lucky I chose a stable man who turned out to be a really good husband and father, but we had to grow-up together along the way. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 19, 2013 at 1:55am

Grinning Cat, this is a wonderful resource. I can't imagine I have never seen or heard of it before. Thank you so much. The language is strong, it does not mince words, and it is a powerful message. Thanks.
"A thriving church community can be an amazing thing. But it is the people who make that happen, not any imaginary being."

The bible is repulsive

Comment by Grinning Cat on January 19, 2013 at 12:50am

Future wrote, a page or two ago:

In my vision of a perfect world, all churches would be shuttered not because they had no choice, but because their members started thinking critically and left.

In line with Joan Denoo's comment, we can hope they'll become secular fellowships that do things to improve the world, as the author of Why Won't God Heal Amputees would like to see:

What About Churches
[...]
A thriving church community can be an amazing thing. But it is the people who make that happen, not any imaginary being. Once the imaginary being is gone, churches continue to exist as communities of people who enjoy each others' company, who help one another in times of need, and who focus on goodness and good deeds for the benefit of society as a whole. What's not to like about that? By removing the imaginary being, church attendance may actually go up, because a strong church has a lot to offer.

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on January 18, 2013 at 11:09pm

Great video, Joan! Thanks. I have to share that in Parenting Little Heathens too. Have a great night, all.

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