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Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 9:48pm

'I'm a Daddy and I Know It' YouTube video goes viral

Hope this one works. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 7:30pm

Melinda, your mother must have had a mighty challenge to overcome to become such a good mom to you. Having a mother who was so hard on her, it makes me wonder if she was running away from her mother and sadly married a man with a problem. Did she know it when she married him?
There were a lot of grown women whose parents were alcoholic in my classes in the Displaced Homemaker Program. Many of these women ran away from mothers and/or fathers, but failed to see the problems they were getting into with the choice of a marriage partner. There is a common saying among social workers, children of addictive parents choose addictive spouses even if they do not have a problem. We often had women who married one addicted husband after another. Their addiction is addicted spouses.

Comment by booklover on January 18, 2013 at 7:14pm

Just some lighter-fare thrown in with our serious conversations!  Smiles are good for us! :)

Comment by booklover on January 18, 2013 at 7:12pm

Thanks Joan.  I actually have a wonderful Mom.  It was HER mother (my Grandma) who was a bitch.  I feel bad my Mom had to grow-up having her as a mother.  I didn't fare so well in the father department, but I had 3 absolutely wonderful Grandparents and my wonderful Mom and Sister while I grew-up.  Not an ideal childhood, but a good one.

You are one amazing woman Joan!  You went through so much and came out on the other side so well and having raised 3 terrific children.  I'm glad to know you.  I love to hear your stories and learn from you.~ Melinda

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 6:48pm

sk8eycat, I really like your most recent comment ... right on target! Your idea of a profit/loss statement made public is a good one. The loop-holes in tax requirements need to be re-evaluated and probably closed up. Who benefits by them, anyway? Your chart on Federal Deficit/Surplus tells us what we need to know. Now, how did Clinton do it? Or was it smoke and mirrors? 

According to the report:

"The Clinton years showed the effects of a large tax increase that Clinton pushed through in his first year, and that Republicans incorrectly claim is the "largest tax increase in history." It fell almost exclusively on upper-income taxpayers. Clinton’s fiscal 1994 budget also contained some spending restraints. An equally if not more powerful influence was the booming economy and huge gains in the stock markets, the so-called dot-com bubble, which brought in hundreds of millions in unanticipated tax revenue from taxes on capital gains and rising salaries."

Now, how do we see a bobble forming before it splatters blood all over the place? 

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 6:39pm

booklover and  Lillie, it is really hard to heal wounds that go so deeply as with problems with our parents. When I started doing my family genealogy, I had the opportunity to track down birthplaces of many of my ancestors on both side. Few knew the deep dark secrets of their ancestry. "We never talk about that!" many would say to me as I asked questions. Talking to genealogy librarians, descendants of other common ancestry, court and church records, and understanding the moral and ethical customs of their times, I found out our history that could not be talked about.

This information gave me insight into why they acted the way they did, why they thought and related that was so unhealthy. Thankfully, by learning effective and efficient communication ways, how to speak assertively and listen actively, how to identify problems, to develop a vision of a preferred future, create action plans and the value of taking risks, I was able to make the kinds of changes that were healthy. 

For me, it was violence in the family, but there are many other ways to cause harm to a new life that last their lifetime. Something very shattering, something strong enough to break old patterns then becomes your gift. 

One of the things I did in therapy was concentrate on remembering the strength I gained from each of them, build on those strengths and develop new skills that they were unable to teach me. 

Hope this helps in your journey to peach, joy, contentment and compassion. 

Comment by sk8eycat on January 18, 2013 at 6:15pm

If churches were at least required to file an honest annual Profit and Loss Statement (and a balance sheet) with the IRS the way other "non-profits" do, at least we would be able to see which ones were using their gross income to feed, clothe, and house the needy, and which ones were transferring the money offshore.

We also have to close ALL the tax loopholes that large corporations take advantage of, and stop giving benefits to oil companies and Big Agriculture...to name just two.

When Clinton left office the budget was balanced, and there was a fiscal surplus....But Dubya (with the help of De Facto Prez Cheney) had to have TWO futile wars to show the world he was more macho than his "Poppy." At the same time, they got congress to cut taxes on the welthiest.  Conservatives have been calling liberals the "tax and spend party " for decades,but they themselves are the "spend and spend party."

http://factcheck.org/2008/02/the-budget-and-deficit-under-clinton/

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 18, 2013 at 5:41pm

In small town USA, churches, schools, volunteer fire departments offer great places for community building. The problem, as I see it, is evangelism. If they came together to share with others, to pot-luck together, to take on community projects, that is one thing. However, proselytizing is an imperative for too many of them. Non-believers, such as myself, didn't say anything, we just put up with their babble.
NO MORE! Our school boards, local to national governments begin to look more like an evangelical gathering and I want no part of it. I will stay militant until and unless they mind their own business and get out of legislating their morality ... which many of them have trouble living.

Comment by Steph S. on January 18, 2013 at 5:30pm

Comment by booklover on January 18, 2013 at 5:19pm

Lillie, I'm so sorry you had a mother like that.  My own Mother had a mother like that.  We were all so relieved when she finally died.  It was like being held hostage.  My Aunt (my Mom's sister) recently became estranged from us by acting a lot like their mother.  My aunt had been in therapy for years because of her mother, then she ends up acting just like her!  Sad.

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