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Comment by Joan Denoo on January 7, 2013 at 2:05am

Pat, thank you for thinking of me when you saw the Coatia story on Rick Steve's Europe. I don't own a TV set but undoubtedly, it will come onto the internet at some point and I will definitely look for it.

Plitvice Lakes are so incredibly lovely, I know Rick will do a good job of sharing it with us.

Comment by sk8eycat on January 7, 2013 at 1:09am

Flying A: I think there issomething wrong with me.....it takes a great deal of effort on my part to either love OR hate, unless the other individual does something exceptionally kind/helpful, or, on the other end of the spectrum, hateful. 

A few years back, when I was in serious danger of foreclosure on my house, an e-friend I've never met face-to-face sent me $5,000 without my ever asking anybody for help.  He saved my a##...and he's funny and all kinds of other good things.  Last year, he sent me tickets to "Billy Elliott - the Musical," NOT cheap!  Just because he'd loved the show so much and knew I would, too.  We talk on the phone a lot.  You BET I love him!

I can't think of any individual that I hate any more...it takes too much negative energy...but there are types of people that I have on my "Better Dead" list....people who hurt children and animals... bigots...obscenely wealthy people who have more money than they could ever spend on anything useful, and use their financial power to try to deprive the helpless of what few benefits they are able to get (after filling out reams of gov't forms)....things like that.  Karl Rove...I loved his "meltdown" on FAUX Noose after all his nasty political work came to naught last November.

We did have one neighbor who became a major pain in the tush as she got older...mostly insisting that we we remove a lovely bunch of trees that hung a few feet over her property line.  Her adult children finally realized she was slipping into dementia, and found good assisted living arrangements for her.  But I never hated her....just got annoyed, and tried to ignore her.

As for ANY teacher who would call a child who was less than genius level a "dummy," she/he ought to be removed from classroom work.  Forever.  Such a person is in the wrong "business."

I once went to work for a woman who said she could teach me everything I needed to know about M.A.S. 90....a very complicated computerized accounting system.  She would tell me something once, not allow me to take notes, and pitched fits when I made mistakes.  I couldn't afford to quit, and spent a lot of time trying to think of ways to kill myself.  After a year I couldn't take any more of it, and did quit, and got disability because by that time I really was suicidal. 

The day after I walked out, she called to ask if I was still going to baby-sit her dog that weekend.  (I did.  I had nothing against the dog, and the money came in handy.)

After that I just ignored  her, too.

But, as I saiid before, both loving and hating have always been difficult for me...going back to childhood.  I like a lot of people, and things like books, waterfalls, and the ocean.  But I've always been a loner...sort of...neither loving nor hating, and avoiding conflict whenever possible.

Comment by Chris Breman on January 7, 2013 at 12:58am

And right you are, Booklover! I'm always shocked when I see the damage teachers like that cause. I work with elderly people; some of them can hardly take a course and do homework because of one such person in their school days who told them not to bother because they were too stupid. It makes my day if I can help them study without pain - far more important than how much they learn.

I'm not sure about the answer, Flying Atheist. Love and hate are both very strong emotions. Love grows stronger all the time and I find that hate grows less as you see and understand more of the person you hate - which doesn't mean that you condone their actions. Perhaps it's my age, but I'm less inclined to hate now, I get the feeling that my hating someone hurts me. A frigid rejection must be enough.

Comment by The Flying Atheist on January 6, 2013 at 8:34pm

Melinda, your post about hating the woman who acted horribly toward your son prompts me to bring up an interesting philosophical question that gets asked occasionally:  is it easier to love or to hate?  I personally think it's easier to hate.  I have hated some people (or groups) throughout my life, and still do, and it has been quite easy because, often enough, of just one incident or action.  Whereas, loving a person tends to come as the result of much invested time and an accumulation of numerous acts of kindness and caring that goes beyond general fondness or appreciation we may have for others.  Loving takes time and trust.  It is far easier and less time-consuming to smash and tear down than it is to build up and reinforce with trust and confidence in others.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?   

Comment by Pat on January 6, 2013 at 6:51pm

Joan, not to interrupt the thread, but if you have the opportunity to watch Rick Steve's Europe on PBS, he did a half-hour on Croatia. A good part of it was showing the Plitvice Lakes - the photo of the waterfall you put up earlier. Having seen it, it's a serious consideration for my bucket list.

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 6, 2013 at 4:59pm

booklover, Good for you! Such behavior in adults is just not tolerable. Do not be tolerant of intolerable behavior! If we don't confront them, our silence implies agreement.

Comment by booklover on January 6, 2013 at 4:52pm

I agree Joan.  I have luckily not experienced anything remotely like that.  I would not forgive or forget though.

I don't forgive anyone who ever hurts my children either.  Ever.  My now 18-year old son and I had a woman in our group that was always together when he was in grade school.  She was horrible to him (a sweet little kid), and to me at the very end of when all the kids were in grade school.  The reason she liked my daughter and not my son?  My daughter was 'gifted' academically and my son was not.  That's all.  She is a teacher, and she called the kids in the regular classed 'dummies.'  I hate her to this day, and I always will.

Comment by Joan Denoo on January 6, 2013 at 4:42pm

John Lynch, that makes sense, the offended is the only one entitled to forgive, and frankly, I am not into forgiveness. It gets in the way of solving problems that are systemic. 
A man slaps his wife, she forgives;

A man slaps his wife, she forgives; 

A man slaps his wife, she forgives; until one of them dies. 

Comment by booklover on January 6, 2013 at 4:27pm

I saw some of that polar bear and the guy in the 'cage' on t.v. last night Patricia!  Yep, not cuddly teddy-bears! lol.  I think I'll stick to cats! lol

Comment by Patricia on January 6, 2013 at 3:38pm

Some polar bear footage.....

tiny.cc/4njeqw

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