Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joe Rivera on December 14, 2011 at 5:30am

During most of my adult life, I took turns growing and having a beard and mustache (kept trimmed and neat) and some women liked it but most of the women I liked, didn't like the beard. To associate "good looks" and "intelligence" with a beard is total nonsense. Some men are "handsome" with or without beards (I was and am). "Intelligence" comes through proper education, not through physical appearance.

Permalink Reply by Steven D Campagna on December 13, 2011 at 10:23pm

If removing and/or grooming ones self such as an act of shaving or trimming one's beard is considered 'mutilation' then cutting and/or trimming one's finger nails would also be 'altering' one's natural state and also mutilation.

I'm certain such things are considered ill and ungodly - but most folks appreciate the time one puts into grooming one's self to feel and look appropriate for the society they live in.

I for one - really appreciate the extra time a human puts into addressing the way they look, act, feel and present themselves. Each to his/her own of course.

Permalink Reply by Ann N. on December 14, 2011 at 6:57pm

I tend towards preferring a natural look with regard to style, but recently I've become impressed with Lady Gaga. I heard her explain herself, why she wears crazy wigs, and I found it surprisingly moving. I realize style is a means of self-expression and freedom for her and suddenly I appreciate that. I got a tatoo (my kids names) recently and very few people like it except me and my children. Guess what? That's part of the fun: that no one else likes it but us. 

Permalink Reply by Susan Stanko on December 14, 2011 at 7:19pm

Depending on the number of tattoos, I can't look at them with feeling ill.

Permalink Reply by Steven D Campagna on December 13, 2011 at 10:38pm

// A woman does nothing to have or have not the breasts //

Gee - what planet do you live on? Millions of women have made the correct decision to reduce or to enlarge their breasts - and not a single one of  us would have any clue....unless we were told of such a thing.

Breasts are not 'dysfunctional garbage'. They are there as all mammals have and for a purpose. Used or not....!

What could be considered 'disfunctional' is breasts on a man. Now we all have them - and I suppose in God's wonderful and intelligent perfect plan we just don't have a clue as for what the hell they are there for. lol

Perhaps I should have stated that 'I think very small breasted females are intelligent'. Of course - just as with facial hair - it's a low class statement and has absolutely zero bearing on intelligence. That would be a brain if used.

Although I know what you mean of course. lol

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on December 14, 2011 at 4:11pm

Steven, glad to learn you take responsibility for your own mess and enjoy doing your laundry.  You probably don't know how it is for women ... the go-make-the-coffee woman, and clean-up-my-mess woman, and remain-silent-in-public woman.  Women have had quite a struggle to climb up out of that pit and be accepted as equal members with men in the critical thinking department.  We all benefit by this evolution.  

The good news is, women are participating and speaking up and refusing to be the only "gofer" in the group.   

Permalink Reply by Lary9 on December 14, 2011 at 4:49pm

FYI. I've been doing my laundry consistently since college...through two marriages...and I still do. I'm very picky about my laundry and take great enjoyment doing it properly. It's one of the foundational keys to a happy, fulfilled life that I list in my men's advice book "How To Be A Single Male, Live Alone With Excitement, Love Like Zorba And Affirm Independence Of Mind, Body and Spirit",

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on December 14, 2011 at 5:00pm

Great philosophy.  Let me see if I can come up with such a statement ...

Live as though your life depended upon it; 

Work at things that interest and excite you;

Participate in community of supportive and encouraging people; 

Die knowing life is finite, there is no soul taking you to another plane; 

Celebrate the privilege of being the stuff of stars.  

Anyone else have a creed you live by?

Permalink Reply by Lary9 on December 14, 2011 at 5:11pm

Happiness is not a goal but a secondary outcome of a life well-lived. It is an incidental, lucky by-product of living fully in the moment with commitment to those we love... and to the ideas that make us passionate.
It is as useless to try to set happiness as a direct goal as it is to try and hold fine, white sand in your hand. 

Permalink Reply by Maruli Marulaki on December 14, 2011 at 5:22pm

Seen rationally, the first motivation is to avoid dishomeostasis of any kind.   Whern there is roughly homeostasis as the absense of any displeasure, pain and deficiency both physical and emotional, then the next step of motivation leads to attempts to stimulate the pleasure center of the brain either physically or emotionally-intellectually.   The focus depends on a leaning either towards hedonism or towards epicureanism.  

While dishomeostasis causes an urge, that needs something to be done about, it just needs a wise evaluation of what.  Stimulation of the pleasure center is a choice and wisdom requires to consider all the consequences and the price, before deciding, which stimulation is worth it.  

Permalink Reply by Tom Sarbeck on December 15, 2011 at 1:17am

Joan, I have long seen the words people use as revealing their power or lack of power in a situation. I began seeing this when, looking back at a situation in which my feelings of power had changed, and began seeing others' words similarly.

I noted your words "...and be accepted as equal members with men...." and asked what I would have said in a similar situation.

I did this one day with a retired lawyer who was reluctant to accept my expertise in a branch of law he had not studied. Having learned to assert myself, rather than aggress, I told him "I accept your expertise in the law you studied and I want you to accept my expertise in the law I studied." Our relationship, which had for a few moments been in danger, improved and in the months that followed we had lunch together often.

I read your words and noted that you had used the passive voice. Knowing I still have some of the aggression I had learned as a boy, I would have used the active voice and written "...and compelled men to accept me as an equal...."

Any thoughts?

Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on December 15, 2011 at 2:13pm

Tom, great point.  Another bit of evidence that language reveals unseen and unseeable values.  The passive voice had not occurred to me in this context!

I shall practice with you: "I participate in group discussions and compel men to accept me as an equal!"

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