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the cancer blessing

I just talked to a troubled lady this morning and she revealed to me that her long-time husband had died recently. Then she added that he had cancer, and was given a 6 month prognosis 10 years ago. She said she was so blessed because god had given her all those extra years. She also said that the he really suffered for the second half of those years.

????????????????? ??

Just wanted to vent and see how often you encounter crazy shit like this.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Steph S. on June 18, 2012 at 11:48am

I hear this stuff often myself. I react diplomatically and as polite as I can, even though I don't agree with their views or beliefs. I mostly listen and if I know the person I might ask them some critical thinking questions to get them thinking about things. Often people don't like to be questioned or confronted in their beliefs.

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on June 18, 2012 at 12:03pm

I was meeting this woman for the first time, so, of course, I smiled and nodded and let her finish talking. I have to deal with death so often because of my occupation, and after 17 years of practice, I am a regular Meryl Streep when it comes to acting. I kind of hate to say it, but I can be a real phony-baloney. I really have to pull it out when people ask me if I think animals go to heaven.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on June 18, 2012 at 5:29pm

I can't believe grown people would ask you that. Do they think in veterinary school you learn some special knowledge about where pets go when they die?

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on June 18, 2012 at 6:16pm

No. They just want to hear my opinion when they are unsure. In some cases, they have been seeking my opinion for years. I am the problem solver. Why not look to me for the solution to that "problem" as well?

Permalink Reply by Godless Poutine on June 18, 2012 at 12:16pm

When I hear things like this I'm certain there must be something fundamentally wrong with her brain.

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on June 18, 2012 at 3:03pm

Welp, that's what brain washing is all about. I guess brains shrink after you wash them and pull them out of the dryer.

Permalink Reply by booklover on June 18, 2012 at 11:08pm

lol dr kellie

Permalink Reply by Tony Carroll on June 18, 2012 at 12:37pm

I also hear this alot. People in pain tend to pull the blanket they have woven for themselves tighter at times like this. They need something , so they continue more strongly with the only the thing they know. While there are times that are appropriate to speak up, this, in my mind, is not it. I just try to respond with what a fellow human needs at the time. No matter what my intellect is saying. Because I belive that the communication on an emotional level is where we truly connect. The support of a touch, a hug, listening, holding hands speak much more than any of the words coming out of my mouth. And that I can do without feeling like a hypocrite.

Permalink Reply by annet on June 18, 2012 at 4:42pm

Thanks god for making my greatest fear a reality? Looking at is as a gift from a god takes the credit from where it belongs, to science and her husband's doctors.

I've heard survivors say it is a blessing because it changed their outlook on life for the better. I guess if you look at a "blessing" as a perspective game changer, then it makes sense. It makes them appreciate their life more. Lacking an afterlife, atheists often already have that appreciation.

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on June 18, 2012 at 5:02pm

Annet, as always, good points.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on June 18, 2012 at 5:46pm

Although it sounds simplistic for an adult, when we're faced with long term illness leading to death of our most beloved person, especially for a decade, we have to comprehend it the best we can. She was doing the best she could. People really need some comfort to cope with life crises like this. I wish the atheist community had more to offer. We suck at helping people in need during crisis.

Permalink Reply by Shannon Equality Barber on June 18, 2012 at 8:58pm

ALL THE TIME. Seriously. My grandfather's cousin died from bone cancer. Suffered terribly. They said every day was a blessing, and that she was grateful to have that time. Now,keep in mind, in the end she was so doped up on painkillers she couldn't use the bathroom, and didn't even know who we were.

Similar sentiments were expressed when my great uncle, riddled with diabetes, lost a kidney and 3 limbs. "Well thank the Lord, we're blessed to still have him with us!"

Both of these relatives lived miserably the last decade or so of their lives. If there were a such thing as blessings, the real blessing would have been putting them out of their misery.