Hello all, new to this site.  Just thought i'd make a comment about some of the insensitive remrks I've recieve since the passing (oct 12, 2011) of my beautiful better half.  Most comments I let go in one ear and out the othe.  But this one really set me off.  A work associate who knows I am an atheist asked how I felt knowing that my wife (a liberal baptist) was going to spend an eternity with jesus while I burn forever in hell.

If I didn't know that her remarks were made out of ignorance, I would be in jail right now for assault.

Instead of bashing her face in, I explained that although my wife beleived in a god she didn't believe that any loving god would send anyone to hell for any reason.  My wife loved me and understood how I felt about god(s).  She never tried to convert me to her point of view, and didn't try to convert her.  We had a long very happy life together and I will miss her very much.  The last year of her life was lived in constant pain and I am glad that she no longer gas to stay awake at night crying because of the pain.  She no longer hurts.  Only I hurt now, and I know that when I die, that pain will stop.  I quit that job today because I had two jobs and my wife wanted me to quit one because (she said) of how tired I was from working so hard.  I now believe she wanted me to quit so I could spend more time with her.  I wish I did quit sooner.  But now I have the time to take care of her house and yard (which she kept immaculate) and to take care of our little Pug.

 

One chapter of my life is over and a new one begins.  I will keep her memory alive and live my life as happily as she wanted me to live it. 

 

Thank you for letting me vent

 

Paul

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Replies to This Discussion

Sorry to hear about your loss.  There are a lot of insensitive people out there I'm afraid.

Hi Paul,

Sorry to hear about your wife's death. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is difficult enough without having someone at work insult you. It's too bad you can't file a religious harassment complaint against her. I've been shocked at some of the things people at work said to me because of their religious xenophobia. It's pathetic how much hubris some many xtians have. Unfortunately there has to be at least on A-hole in every group. Hopefully she's the only on like that were you work and the rest are supportive and understanding.

Thanks for sharing, Paul. We appreciate you letting us into your life. You have our support.

No..I thank you for letting me join a community that cares...the support has helped greatly thank you all

 

Hi Paul, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  Take it easy.  I hope that you can still see meaning in staying alive.  My husband always says that if you're fit and healthy but feel like ending it all - don't waste your life - think about what you can do for others in your life - stay alive and give to others.  I thought that a good way to see it.  Shame you couldn't have thought of a quick quip back at her, 'is this your Christian values talking?'

 

All the best...

I recently went to the funeral of a second cousin of my parents(or something...family is weird in the south). He'd recently gotten married, he was apparently a dude who loved to cook and party and drink and go to Biker Rallies and My mom was apparently on good terms with him.

He'd just gotten married for the 3rd time to a woman---barely 15 minutes after the wedding he suffered a heart attack and died.

Of course, some dude turned the entire hour-long funeral into a deal about "accept jesus so you can be with him in the afterlife" when the guy was not religious AT ALL. <facepalm> It angered me so much that I pulled out a notebook and wrote the entire time to keep from running out of the room.

The entire time my father's birth mother(whom everyone in the family loathes..) was talking to her imaginary friend (Yes lawd, thankya lawd) and my mom said she wanted to shut her up after the first 5 minutes of hearing this.

They did do a few things--his children read from a little poem he'd kept in his wallet--he was a volunteer firefighter so they did a last call deal on all their radios--everyone cried at this, and then that night some of their friends including my parents went and had one last drink at the gravesite--something more poignant than an hour about how Lazarus was raised from the dead and going to heaven with Jesus was important.

 

I don't think believers realize how selfish and childish they're being when they say things like this--threatening people with hell isn't comforting when they've lost someone. Attacking someone with faith in their time of mourning is a low blow.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Paul, and others who are grieving,

I would like to invite you to join Grief Beyond Belief, a faith-free grief support network for atheists and other grieving nonbelievers.  It is currently only on Facebook, although there are plans for an independent website in the future.

https://www.facebook.com/faithfreegriefsupport

Thank you for allowing me to post in your group,

Rebecca

It would appear that every person that dies with family members that are Christians will need to settle and dig in because we all know what is coming. Judgemental, holier-than-thou attitudes that show everyone true Christian Family Values.

They simply cannot help themselves can they? It's overwhelming to them - scared half-to-death themselves of death - so they lash out at you. Do they even have any idea of the misery they cause? Probably not - and probably don't care anyway.

Loss of a loved one is a most tragic event in a man's life and making a crude remark on the subject shows utter disregard for a most common sense of decency.  A mere idea of such a loss makes me emotionally disturbed. Please accept my belated sympathies for your loss. Take courage and give fitting replies to the insensitive people.

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