Hello all, new to this site.  Just thought i'd make a comment about some of the insensitive remrks I've recieve since the passing (oct 12, 2011) of my beautiful better half.  Most comments I let go in one ear and out the othe.  But this one really set me off.  A work associate who knows I am an atheist asked how I felt knowing that my wife (a liberal baptist) was going to spend an eternity with jesus while I burn forever in hell.

If I didn't know that her remarks were made out of ignorance, I would be in jail right now for assault.

Instead of bashing her face in, I explained that although my wife beleived in a god she didn't believe that any loving god would send anyone to hell for any reason.  My wife loved me and understood how I felt about god(s).  She never tried to convert me to her point of view, and didn't try to convert her.  We had a long very happy life together and I will miss her very much.  The last year of her life was lived in constant pain and I am glad that she no longer gas to stay awake at night crying because of the pain.  She no longer hurts.  Only I hurt now, and I know that when I die, that pain will stop.  I quit that job today because I had two jobs and my wife wanted me to quit one because (she said) of how tired I was from working so hard.  I now believe she wanted me to quit so I could spend more time with her.  I wish I did quit sooner.  But now I have the time to take care of her house and yard (which she kept immaculate) and to take care of our little Pug.

 

One chapter of my life is over and a new one begins.  I will keep her memory alive and live my life as happily as she wanted me to live it. 

 

Thank you for letting me vent

 

Paul

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Replies to This Discussion

Hello Paul

I understand how awful it is to both see our loved ones in constant pain, and to be in pain myself. I told the story of the very traumatic experience I had with the hospital system during my late husband's dying on another thread here. I feel so scarred by it that I am determined to manage my own pain and to die at home . It was a brutal experience. People could simply not allow me to be silent on the subject of religion and once I disclosed my atheism, they violated my beliefs in every way possible . Kathy

Hello Kathy

 

Thank you for your understanding.  I really didn't make my atheism widely known, never saw any reason to, but as soon as I 'came out', many of my so-called friends and relatives treated me as if I were Satan incarnate.  They can beleive as they wish, and I will in no way try to change their minds, I only ask for the same treatment.

Paul

Paul

My born again sister-in-law decided my husband and I were both gay, lol. I wrote about that on the "I came out...." thread. Brutal people.

More people need to use that gray matter between their ears.

Hi Paul-

 

Welcome to the site.  I'm so sorry that, on top of your grief, you had to listen to people who chose to use your time of sadness to push their own beliefs on you.  I have had well-meaning people say inappropriate things to me, but your story far surpasses inappropriate.  Wishing you all the best-

 

Annie

Hey Annie

Thank you for your best wishes.  I really appreciate all the love and support the atheist community has given me...way more uplifting than any theist can give.  thank you

 

paul

Hi, Paul, condolences on the loss of your beloved wife. I am really sorry you were blindsided by that mean person's remark. That was not ignorance, that was intentionally hurtful :-(  As we all know, calling oneself a "Christian" does not mean one is a good and kind person.

Please take comfort in the fact that you had her and were loved by her for as long as you did. It's a cliche, but truly it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Right now you are in pain, but I hope you can come to the time when you will be able to look at pictures of her, and treasure your sweet memories of stories and experiences. She would be happy for you to remember her with love. (((((hugs))))

Hey Natalie

 

I really am happy I found this web site.  So much love and encouragement has flown into me today than at any other time during this loss.  I am literally in tears at the comfort you have all given me.  I know that life will continue and each passing day makes me stronger.  I thank you all

 

Paul

Very sad news Paul....it's just too bad ignorant people have to add their rude opinions to an already terrible time. You loved each other, & that's what can be great memory.

I just lost my lovely mom-in-law to medical murder & people who can't mind their own business just make me want to start face-bashing. 'Better place' is NOT a condolence, & I'd just as soon not hear anything than crap like that, or worse.

I'm sure you'll find this site a good place to visit as there are lots of us to listen. 

Paul, condolences for your loss. I want you to make the most of the following chapters in life and continue to cherish the good in people you meet.
I have gone to the chatroom here a few nights and have found some lovely people to chat with. For me, the hardest thing about being atheist is having no community, especially since I am disabled and isolated to begin with.
Sorry to read of your loss Paul. I hope that the pain will lessen with time and the happy memories come to the fore and gladen your life.

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