Good lecture Joan! We'd all do well to pay attention methinks.
Good - I hope men join up.
Usually when I see a video I think "I'll watch it later" (maybe). I'm glad I took the time to listen! Thank you, Joan!
Tony Porter told some powerful stories from his own life, how the restrictive "man box" he'd been socialized into did real damage when he was a father of preschoolers, and previously when he was a boy.
It is good to see so many men in Hang With Friends who clearly view women as people, as equals; who express a full range of emotions; who are simply free to be whole persons.
The aspects of the "man box" are both symptoms and perpetuators of Dominator Culture. (Joan, thanks for attaching a graphic!) I'll repeat the list as text, to make sure it's google-able:
THE MAN BOX
Do not cry openly or express emotions
with the exception of anger
Do not express weakness or fear
especially over women
Aggression - Dominance
Do not be "like a woman"
Do not be "like a gay man"
Makes Decisions - does not need help
Views women as property/objects
[especially sexual objects]
“The Mask You Live In” by The Representation Project explains how the way we have constructed the idea of masculinity in the United States doesn’t give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity, so instead, they are forced to go out and prove it.
Consequently, as young boys enter into adulthood, they end up missing out on what they actually want: closeness.
Here's the trailer
Mr. Porter also mentioned how, as a 12-year-old, he and his friends felt the pressure that "real men" should be having as much sex as possible.
That brought to mind Al Vernacchio's model of sexuality; he explains that the common baseball metaphor -- first base, second base, "scoring", etc. -- is restrictive and debasing, and has many things wrong with it. A better model is... pizza! Most of us enjoy pizza, whether once in a while or every day; we have different appetites and tastes; when we have pizza with other people we talk about what toppings we both/all enjoy; and nobody criticizes us for passing up pizza when we're not actually hungry, or in the mood for different food.
"To Slide or to Slice? Finding a Positive Sexual Metaphor"
The Man Box is articulate and insightful. I wish every man could take this seriously.
Ruth just created a new group on here, "Partnership Vision", precisely about Riane Eisler's ideas on Dominator Culture and Partnership Culture, and how they intersect with our tendencies towards violence.
Derrick Jensen writes that the man box is about the cult-of-masculinity aggressors vs. everybody else: "about putting everyone else in a box, the box of other, of less than, of trophies, the box of the violable, the box of targets, the box of victims, the box of the violated, the box of proof of the men’s own manhood."
(Dominator Culture, indeed!!)