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Comment by Christina Nichols on May 3, 2011 at 9:31pm

Oh my! Gail, I am heartbroken for you, that is allot of losses and allot of grief all at once. I am sure you feel like you don't get a chance to deal with one before you have another grief to strike you down when you already feel you can't go on. I have had 13 in 2.5 years and I totally understand how emotionally, and mentally not to mention physically draining it is. This is pain unimaginable. My heart goes out to you. If you would like you can tell us something special about eachone of them, I find that theraputic and makes me so proud to have had them, known them and loved them in their life time.

Comment by Patricia on May 3, 2011 at 2:55pm

That's a lot of loss, Gail! Our hearts go out to you.

Comment by Rayray on November 17, 2009 at 7:53am

Christina, I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I know it will get better for you, it doesn't seem like it now but sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. Bad things happen to good people, its just how the world works.

I also sometimes wish I still believed in God, just blissfully ignorant. Still fitting in with the masses, saying "praise God" and what-not. It is comforting, I wish more that it were true. But once you learn something, you cannot unlearn it. The more I think about it all the more atheism makes sense. It hasn't changed me as a person but it has changed my perspective on life.

Just don't let it all get you down, not really sure how I got through it all, I was devastated. Still getting through it but it is waaay easier nowadays. Oh and there is no magic in xanax. It comes at a cost other than money itself. I'm into natural healing, please don't turn to drugs no matter how many quacks say you will benefit. But I did enjoy the joke.

Good luck getting your business back on track!

Peace.

Comment by Christina Nichols on November 16, 2009 at 11:37pm

OH Rayray, WOW, my son that died this year had a baby boy born on April 2nd 2007 at 10:16am. As you were losing your baby boy, my son was gaining a baby boy. My only grandchild. Now when I look at him I will always remember your loss, your little boy, this will help me to remember to hold all that my grandson does dearly. I am truly sorry for your loss. I know it will stay with you forever, hopefully, it gets better to deal with in time, however, it doesn’t feel that way to me yet.

I too remember the day I knew that God was not real. I was 6 years old, and it was Feb 9, 1971 at 6 am, The Sylmar Earthquake. My mother was killed when our house collapsed on her and took her leaving 4 kids without a mother. If there was a God how could he do that to anyone. I knew then that there could be no such thing. Of course when I would say I had no religion or believed in no God, people took me to be the devils child. What ignorance. I still feel that people that blindly believe in God are somewhat ignorant. And yet sometimes I wish I could just be ignorant and believe, that when I die, my son will be there waiting for me, I can see the comfort in the belief.

I know life goes on, but people are impatiently waiting for me to be my old self. That person is gone forever. I am different, I see different, I think different and my priorities are different. I am still a bit bitter, but I am sure that will fade. It seems that time is not healing my wounds, they seem to be getting worse.

People avoid me, I guess I make them sad. People do not want to talk about my son or my Margaret, if their name comes up, they change the subject. I own my own business and clients have left me after years of dedication, saying “I figured with all that is going on in your life it is better that we find someone else” . Talk about kicking someone when they are down. Work is my savior, and I am not working much anymore.

I wish there was a magic pill one could take to heal the pain, oh yea XANAX !

Comment by Rayray on November 16, 2009 at 3:53pm

It was April first 2007 that I received a phone call that my 4 yr old son was on his way to the hospital in a helicopter. But this was no April fools joke. His name was Preston. He had blond hair, blue eyes and told everyone he loved them. His disposition afforded him a life of constant presents, even from complete strangers. He was a perfectly healthy boy with a sudden 106 degree temp. My great uncle met me at the hospital to help pray for him. I rallied the whole family up and told them that God would help us, he would be a miracle baby. I knew God would help, I was doing a wonderful job as a father, he wouldn't take him from me. But the concept of God couldn't keep Preston alive. He passed away from something that no one I have told, including myself has ever heard of. Not even the doctor. Im not sure if most atheists know when they lost their religion, if they ever had religion but I can name the day and time. April the second, 2007 at around ten in the morning. The God I believed in would have never allowed that to happen, now atheism is what keeps me from being bitter at God and all of his creations. Atheism was liberating to me, helping to finally make life's questions make sense that was so confusing before. I will miss my beautiful baby boy until the day I die.

Peace.

Comment by Christina Nichols on November 13, 2009 at 8:48am

Tracee,

I wish there was a magic pill one could take when they go through a loss of a dear loved one. I am 9 months out from loosing my son and My Margaret died July 30th. I have only 1 friend that is Athiest. She is not supportive, she does not want to talk about my son or my Margaret. If their names come up she changes the subject, it makes her uncomfortable. So this leaves me alone in my thoughts most of the time. I am jealous of people that can allow BLIND FAITH to help them feel everthing will be ok. It is still not even remotely ok for me. Like I have said before if it were not for my other 2 children and never wanting them to feel more pain then they already do over their losses, I am pretty sure I would not be here anymore.

It sounds like you may have recently had a loss or are soon to have a loss. I am truly sorry for what you are going through, and I am sure I have a good idea as in the past 9 months I have lost to a tragic gunshot and breast cancer, one fast unknowing and one with knowing it was coming, but was powerless to stop it.


Everyone here is ready to chat when you are,

Always,
Christina

Comment by D'Holbach on July 29, 2009 at 8:53am

Christina,
Losing two loved ones in less than a year would be almost unbearable. I'll echo Serah and say that you are in my thoughts.
Randy

Comment by Christina Nichols on July 28, 2009 at 5:58pm

D'Holback - I too, am sorry you lost your mom.

D'Holback and Serah - I started this forum when my 26 year old son died in Jan this year. I thought I would die too. I have struggled with the purpose of life, and the only thing that keeps me going is I could never in a million years put my wonderful family and friends through the grief I feel on purpose.

My Margaret (surrogate mom's name) held my had through the whole process. She was told on April 8th 2009, that she was tumor free. about 2 weeks ago she had a siezure and was taken to the hospital. She was walking and talking, she even asked her doctor, "does this mean I am going to die?" the doctor told her no, it is treatable. within 48 hours she was non-repsonsive. As I sit here typing, she is gurgling with each and every breath. We have estimated by the signs of the body dying off, she should leave this life around Friday at the latest.

Unlike my son which was out of a nightmare, never thought possible as he was stateside, home from Iraq and we all sighed relief that he made it home safe and was shot in the head in his own home 19 days after returning from Iraq. My Margaret is leaving this life and me with 2 weeks for me to say goodbye, to say I love her, to hear she loves me, to know I bring her comfort in her passing with me hear and not alone. I think it is a small item I am grateful for, this 2 weeks as opposed to no time to say goodbye.

I have joked over the years that if I were ever to become a diety follower it would be with the jewish religion, the only one that made any sense to me. Sounds to me like minimally invasive and not pushy compared to christianity.

Gotta run now, they are saying 24 hours people are starting to pour in.

Comment by D'Holbach on July 28, 2009 at 10:23am

Serah and Christina--
I'm very sorry to hear about each of your mothers. My mother died from cancer as well, and though I had a deeply ambivalent relationship with her, it was hard to see her go.

Six months, Serah, is not a lot of time to prepare, so I imagine that you're still feeling a bit of shock. Do you have siblings who can commiserate with you? Did your husband know your mother well? I've found that ventilating one's emotions with those close to the person who died can help.

I would guess that for most atheists, the death of a loved one is very hard to deal with. Wouldn't it be lovely to think that our friends and family are waiting for us at the end of our run here? I think that finding new friends is among the few ways we have to fill the hole that such losses leave in our lives.

Comment by Christina Nichols on July 28, 2009 at 8:15am

Serah Blain, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your mother. As I write this I am sitting at my surrogate mother's bedside as she loses her grip on life due to Breast Cancer that has spread to the brain. Cancer is such an ugly way to lose someone that you love so dearly. Sometimes I wish that I could be so blind as to believe that she would be going to heaven to be with my son. I am sure that brings comfort to some.

Was your mom religious? My Margaret is very catholic, so all the platitudes are in high play around here. It is so unsetteling to me to see so many people with the blind faith going on. If she gets comfort I guess how can it hurt?

I just want to make it as clear as possible that no matter what happens and how others feel spiritually, I do not want to be disrespected by having others play out their religious needs when my time comes, once I am gone I don't care, but if I have to die slowly like your mother and my margaret I would hope they all can respect that.

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