My died died two weeks ago today.  I didn't eat or sleep a week after he died suddenly from pancreatitis.  I went to my shrink yesterday to go back on meds.  Although I am greiving, I still need to be able to care for my family and function.  I know religion makes other people feel better, but I feel worse when I hear religious nonsense.  My dad is not waiting for me in the next room.  He does not have a mansion in the sky. Even if he does, he is still gone to me.  I do not like to hear that the purpose of life is death or life after death.  To me, the purpose of life is living. 

My Dad was such a loving, generous, happy person when he died, but he was not always that way.  When I was growing up, he was abusive and cruel.  While I was attending his funeral, I learned my still abusive mother is also dying - the same way her mother died through addiction and massive weight.  I have a weight problem myself no matter what diet I go on, how long I stay on it, or how much I exercise. 

The fact is everyone who ever deeply hurt me will soon be dead.  I had stopped thinking about what happened years ago.  I feel resolved in my relationship with my dad, but mother is a whole different can of worms.  I am not sure I will find resolution there. 

Also, I am just not happy with the way my life is going, but on a limited income, there's not much I can do about it.  My dad dying has stirred up a lot of thoughts and feelings that I had put away.My sister is acting like a teenager and what is frustrating as 16 is beyond annoying and hurtful in a 43 year old.  I wish she would just grow up.  Sorry to ramble.  I just have a lot of thoughts to work out.Thanks for listening and not telling me to pray, reflect on god, or to read A purpose filled life.  I am really tired of that.






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Replies to This Discussion

Grace, I just read your post. So sorry, but tragedy has been hitting our family back to back. #21 since my son died 3 years ago. My best friend died 2 weeks ago, she fell down a flight of stairs.

I am so sorry you lost your dad. It sounds to me like you had a better relationship with him in the latter years. That is a blessing that you were able to have that before he died. I know it has been a while now since he died. How are you doing now? I hope you are in a better place emotionally and physically.

{{{hugs}}}

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