LGBTQI atheists, nontheists, and friends

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LGBTQI atheists, nontheists, and friends

Nontheist lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex people & friends.

Location: International
Members: 612
Latest Activity: 50 minutes ago

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Comment by Richard Healy on November 17, 2010 at 1:45pm
I am not a professional writer I am professionally unemployed. Can't seem to convince anyone to employ me.
Comment by Dominic Florio on November 17, 2010 at 10:35am
A few comments on all of the relationship discussion:
I agree that we all should love ourselves and be our own best friend, but for most of us, biologically, pair bonding is a natural drive. I'm a complete person, but a relationship adds another dimension to my life.
Although I would like to find an atheist, it has never been a rule. What I have learned through the years, is that it never works with a very religious person. The reason is that they are hurt or resentful if they the atheist discusses his philosophy or concerns with religion, even if it is with someone else. Also, every person who claims to be a person of "faith" has their doubts. They become concerned when the atheist partner says something or lives his life in a way that reminds him of those doubts. They often hope and pray that you will convert.
Like all of us, since we live in the real world, we have family, friends, and lovers who are believers. I get along with all of them and we can playfully tease each other about our philosophies. But, this never works with someone who is dedicated to a church or religion. I had met someone who wanted to be with me so badly, he lied about being religious. He claimed that he was no longer involved with any church. I later found out that he was going to a gay Pentecostal church (one of the craziest of churches) and was praying for my conversion. He resented anything I or my family had to say about religion.
Anyway, I'm not looking for a clone of myself, but someone who compliments me and I, him.
I have nothing against "mixed marriages" but there can be added conflicts due to such differences. Think about it, an atheist and an evangelist, a progressive and a republican, or a man and a woman, how could that work? LOL
Comment by A Former Member on November 17, 2010 at 10:23am
What a beautiful guy.

Comment by Sentient Biped on November 17, 2010 at 8:48am
Jay, welcome. Thanks for joining in. Glad you got past the family trauma, it's hard. Hateful people don't deserve our continued respect and love. But we still miss them.
Richard, oops! I didn't realize deleted posts stayed in inbox! No harm done. Sometimes I say things then think, that's too much! I edit myself a lot, maybe I should edit on my laptop then copy and paste....
Off to work. Have a good day everyone.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 16, 2010 at 11:49pm
Well my in-box preserved your original (deleted) post - so I did read it in the end and I can understand something possibly about what you mean. And I mentioned it only becuase it - while it may not be wholly accurate solution, and I don't much find myself persuaded that it is - I do think it's a good stop-check to getting too wound up in yourself.

By way of a random for instance, I see a lot of profiles on those dating websites that make people sound so miserable!

I've gone for eccentric, I suppose, but I did that after reading through other people's profiles and noting what I thought worked and didn't. I'm happy doing my things (more or less) and this is them.

One of my favourite profiles on OKC is a guy I've now been chatting too for several weeks who is from Ireland which genuinely made me laugh out loud several times. Any dating profile which succeeds in not only cracking a smile but having the merit of being geuinely funny is one I'm likely going to come back to. I think it's a mark of the "kind" of thing my friend means when a dating profile is less about listing the specificities of the person you are seeking but stands by itself and draws you in:

"I am not tall dark and handsome, though I probably don't have rabies either."
Comment by Sentient Biped on November 16, 2010 at 11:35pm
Richard you keep tempting me, but the tickets are too expensive and anyway by the time I get through airport security my need for fondling will be sated. But not the kissing.....

It's all fine and good to love ourselves, but sitting in front of a toasty warm fire place with a glass of wine and myself and me, never was enough. Plus I'll accept a number of flaws and incompatibilities not to grow old alone. Not too many, but I can handle socks on the floor and having a night person in my morning person life.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 16, 2010 at 11:19pm
Marx, I agree - sort of - I've no real experience of this so cannot for definite say, however a friend has expressed a similar idea, only he terms it 'flowing' which is a bit romantic, but I get what he's driving at. He says when we flow inwards and focus on ourselves we turn our attention inward tends become negative and self-obsessed (do they like me?) depressive (no-one likes me why should they?) and 'paranoid' (They definitely don't like me). I'm caricaturing it, but he sees it a lot of closeted people on the web (I'm one of those) who arrive on support forums agonising over their emotions and why they'll never find a date or love and the world is against them. Now in some ways that is true (Americas bizarro-world crazy attitude towards gays/ courts / military is a fine an upstanding example of modern bigotry) but in a method reminiscent of that 'the power to change those thgins that I can and recognise those I cannot' deal - the solution to increased happiness and the curative to a loveless and destitute existence he says is to reverse the flow. So be less concerned with whether people will think you are kind, funny, loving etc and start *doing* kind, loving things, rather than sitting at home worrying about other people's perceptions. This has the benefits you might expect - it takes the focus of of you and projects it onto others (eg volunteering) or onto an activity IF you want to term it as a cause and effect you then stand a greater chance of being perceived as kind, funny, loving, when you are being kind, funny and loving you'll be around other people (from whence chance encounters and attractions can occur).

I think that kind of....attitude if I cna call it that dovetails rather nicely with what you were saying which is that if we think we need a partner to complete us (we are incomplete) or to be satisfied (we are unsatisfied) then this is the inward flow. The best friend, the one we can take care of, the happiness we can share is the outward flow when we focus our energies outward onto others and not wholly onto ourselves.

It's all a bit fluffy language for my tastes - BUT - I do appreciate the sentiment.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 16, 2010 at 11:07pm
Dan, I never had any complaints. ;-)
Comment by Sentient Biped on November 16, 2010 at 9:56pm
I just wrote a long comment then erased it. Too much overshare and too jaded.

All of my major relationships have been with nontheist. I never made that a rule, it jsut happened.

If I had to do it over again, I think I'd go for the best kisser & cuddler. That was a semi-evangelical Methodist minister on the downlow.
Comment by Marx on November 16, 2010 at 9:09pm
Consider the possibility that the happiness we seek outside ourselves, particularly in a relationship with another, is a dead end. No one else can make us happy, and no relationship can make us complete. Happiness is not something that we find outside ourselves. It is something that we find, or rather, cultivate within ourselves. The one who can best meet our needs, be the best friend that we can have, be the one who can comfort us and take care of us the best, is none other than our own self. I believe that once we become the one that we seek, once we no longer seek love from others, but seek to share the love that we have for our self with everyone else – that is when we will attract love from others.
 

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