"A real scary video, Joan, but my nerves are made of straw. Glad the surgery went well! Yes, parsley fights inflammations, very good for you!
What a good picture of Ian, you look well!
And this is to wave goodbye as I'm off to the Vesuvius…"
good advice to someone whose friend is in a bad relationship
How to deal with a best friend's toxic relationship.
Reader Question #4: My friend is dating someone terrible, or, Secre...
A close friend is dating a total loser.
Your Hate Just Feeds The Dark Side. The worst-case scenario is that the guy is an abuser and that he will use your dislike of him to help isolate your friend socially.
Your friend knows how you feel about Darth, right?
I’ve told my friend what I think, and he always has an explanation for everything this guy does.
There’s kind of a test for this that’s also the way to cope with this. When your friend tells you another story about Darth (or makes excuses for crappy behavior), answer like a therapist would: Don’t talk much, and when you do, ask only questions.
What a therapist does is ask you leading questions and radiate non-judgement until you’ve talked your way through all your own defenses and circular bullshit and tried to turn things into entertaining anecdotes and try to convince yourself that “it’s not that bad” until you run out of excuses and you have to say the truth: What you want. What you need. What you feel. What you’re afraid of.
... if you can find it in your heart, maybe try this:
“I don’t like him, and I still don’t get it, but if you are happy then I trust you.”
That seems crazy counter-intuitive and I can feel those words turning to ashes in your mouth, but this is why I suggest them: Controlling people make their victims second-guess everything.
Deep inside your friend knows everything he needs to know about how this is going to play out. Remind him that he’s smart, and strong, and good at making decisions, and that he has your respect, because an abuser will be doing the opposite. Detach from your own need to be right about this. Detach from your own need to control the outcome of your friend’s relationship. Remind your friend of his own strength. It could be the thing that breaks the spell.
Or not. In which case, you don’t have to go to their wedding. That sounds like a really good weekend to be Anywhere But There. [last emphasis mine]
Tags: advice, toxic realtionships
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Joan Denoo commented on Ruth Anthony-Gardner's group Hang With Friends"Thanks for your support friends on Atheist Nexus. I am feeling just fine and in good spirits. I feel well supported and encouraged. I have a cloud of supporters."
Joan Denoo commented on Ruth Anthony-Gardner's group Hang With Friends"Carl, so, you are moving into the high tech age with gusto. My daughter and son-in-law use them in their businesses; Remarkable what information they can carry with them.
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Steph S. commented on Ruth Anthony-Gardner's group Hang With Friends"Joan I am glad to hear the surgery went well.
You have been in my thoughts.
I am thinking about you."
Joan Denoo commented on Ruth Anthony-Gardner's group Hang With Friends"Hi! a quick update. Surgery went very well, Had very little pain that responded to a little medication. My daughter and granddaughter, Michelle, were with me and brought me home and had a beautiful break-the-fast lunch. I feel great. Ruth,…"
The Flying Atheist commented on Ruth Anthony-Gardner's group Hang With Friends"Wow, Joan. That rising tide video is scary. I can't imagine having to put myself in such continuous danger to collect food for survival. If I was in desperate need and there was a large abundance of food available to collect…"
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