Ok, I'll be honest, I mostly hang out in chat and occasionally lurk in groups, which means that incidents where I'm calling people on inappropriate behavior are probably more frequent than they would be otherwise.  Fortunately, those who are the most vocally sexist/aggressive/inappropriate don't usually last long, but all too often, I'm the only one actively standing up to them.  While men in chat will occasionally PM me to let me know they agree with me, very few actually say anything to the offenders.  I once spent two hours explaining to another member why greeting me with a 'rape face' was completely out of line.  I also took a lot of flack for objecting to another member calling me a whore (and for ignoring him because of it).  I could go on, and on, and on.  Yes, I do report users who are abusive, but often nothing happens.

Consequently, I think I'm just going to start linking this article when that kind of nonsense is going on. It's a well written, straight forward explanation of rape culture from a male point of view.   And since the people who tend to have the most trouble understanding that they're being inappropriate have no respect for women, it may be a good tactic, although there's no way a man's words should be in any way worth more than mine.

https://medium.com/human-parts/a-gentlemens-guide-to-rape-culture-7...

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Replies to This Discussion

How do you rationally choose who to fall in love with?  Have you been able to make that work, so that you choose someone with your head, then your heart goes along with it?

No more reply buttons, but in answer to your last question, Luara. Yes, I made it work, to choose my partner conciously and fall in love later, or we made it work. And we've had a more than average good time together, with much love, caring and sharing and building our life together. Our 37th anniversary coming up this year.

You mean you did develop romantic love after choosing the person?  Or was it more like love, as in bonding?

I like your ideas Plinius, and congratulations on 37 years.

Once when I was out walking in a natural place with my dog, I got worried because a guy was clearly following me.  He wasn't very close, but still.  I kept looking back nervously. 

Another guy came along and confronted him about it "you were following her", etc. 

And while he did that, I made my getaway, grateful and relieved. 

I feel fortunate that I haven't had any (recent) situations like that.  Thank goodness for real good guys who will step up like that.  It makes all the difference, online or in person.  

I greatly enjoy the freedom I got by growing too ugly and old to get male attention - yes, they call it OVER HER SELLING DATE. At least I can walk around in this town without men making remarks on my sex life and trying to X-ray through my clothes. I can even talk to men without them thinking of sex, although some of them would rather drop dead than talk to a 60 year old woman. And it could be habit, or loss of energy, I still keep to the daylight side when I go out alone.

On the internet, people don't generally care how old you are or what you look like.  :/  I can imagine that being a definite benefit to aging, though.  Of course, I like to think that we age like fine wine. :)

:-) of course we age like fine wine! And we grow wiser and more interesting all the time - but younger people often can't see it.

Very true! I've appreciated both younger and older partners... I find that being attracted to someone's personality and "spirit" can extend the range of "my type".

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