I heard from the coven "alpha bitch", who domineered everyone else into seeing things her way. For some reason she has a thing for contacting people from the past, though. I had a feeling it would happen, as she'd been "poking" me on facebook and other crap. Then she sent me a message:

 

"I know you'll hate me forever...I expect that..." it started out. How perceptive of her. She went on to say she remembers the earlier, good times rather than the later days and she hopes I am happy. Something about "best wishes from all of us" which I don't necessarily believe (these are people who convince themselves they have perfect love and perfect trust, while constantly bickering and trash-talking). No apology for being instrumental in having a total of 9 friends shun me during the same week I lost my job and my grandparent died, or for putting another dent in my ability to trust people, or for making me think there's something wrong with me that makes me incapable of relationships and that all friends, groups of friends, and partners will eventually discover. (I realize this is the argument from majority, majority is not always right, and there's such a thing as mob mentality.) This is the same person who said she was supportive of my not wanting to have children, and then felt the need to confront me in front of the group accusing me of hating her children because I didn't want to have any.

 

I don't really remember the "earlier, good times" either because for so many of those I felt dissatisfied, but had good moments here and there that made me think things weren't so bad, things would get better, I was just having a bad day, if I lost them I'd lose a support system, etc. (I feel like this sounds stupid, but I know it's very common in friendships, relationships, even marriages.)

 

After being shunned I came up with alternate routes to go places so that I wouldn't have to drive past their houses. Most of my wedding photos are merely fragments because I cut them out of the picture, and I don't have good memories of my wedding. (I'm glad that at least I followed my mom's suggestion that the wedding have no religious affiliation.) I sold all of my wiccan books and supplies, as well as other presents that they had given me over the years.

 

My reply:

"I have been happier since 2008. It was a turning point. It led to positive changes in all aspects of my life."

 

(All of which is true.)

 

I was pretty proud of myself. When it comes to people from my past I usually picture myself going off on them, saying everything I never got a chance to say. What sometimes happens is that I am so surprised to hear from them I end up being too compassionate and forgiving and taking them right back, which sometimes leads to a repeat performance of the earlier bullshit. I didn't do either. I basically said that my life was greatly improved when she and the others were no longer in it, but without saying a single negative word.

 

I do feel slightly better since hearing from her, because I don't feel quite so much like there is a group of people wishing me ill will or thinking I'll never amount to anything. Still, that is one association I just don't want to get back into or reminisce about, and I don't really know why the hell I ever looked up to her.

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Replies to This Discussion

Prog Rock Girl, I am sorry that she caused so much unneeded trauma (as if trauma can ever be needed) in your life. No matter what she was angry about there is no reason to simply abandon you like that and encourage the others follow suit. Especially not during an already horrid time for you :(

I feel bad that it has affected your ability to trust others. I know what it's like to have trust issues, and I can identify with being kicked out of a circle of people I thought were friends. You're right, once the alpha decides you're out, the others follow like sheep no matter how much you thought they loved you. Sounds like she's just contacting you to get rid of her guilt but if she really cared she would have apologized.

I think your response to her was quite awesome. Short, positive, truthful. Good for you for not letting her make you feel sorry for her.

I can say you amount to a lot. You've had kind words to say to me and encouragement. Also your intelligence comes through in your posts as does your self-confidence. You seem pretty together and respectful, and certainly not any of the words they accuse you of.

Oh, and that kid thing is total BS. How dare she try to insinuate you dont like her kids just because you're making a rational, sustainable choice to not have your own kids.
Thanks for your kind words...finding this group has been the most therapeutic thing, and I looked all over the place to find other ex-pagan atheists, too.
No problem!  Yeah, this group rocks :)

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