Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rick on September 22, 2009 at 4:26pm

I am sorry to hear that. I haven't been active in the church since I was old enough to refuse to go. Never liked or believed it but was baptized into it anyway. Not my choice. I am now almost 39 years old, mainly I resigned to make a statement and to break that last tie to something I was forced to join.

I am engaged to a theist, but not a Mormon. She claims to be a christian (I believe it is more for her family than her), I would classify her is a deist. My parents who are still in the LDS church are the only ones around me that I have not been open with about my atheism but that is about to change as well. I am not that concerned about them. I love them and know they love me, it will be a problem for a little while but I am pretty sure they will eventually accept it. Your situation is very different.

Would it be a safe assumption that your wife and children both are devout Mormons? I am not sure what I would do in your position, especially if your children are young. I required that my children, if listed as "members of record", be expunged from the roster as well. I am lucky in that I have custody. I have raised them to think on their own, if there was interest to attend a church, I took them. However they share my views on religion. It is very different when you are the ONLY one in your house that is the unbeliever, ESPECIALLY if the remaining believers are true fundamentalists.

When I was writing my letter to the church, I resolved that IF my family did distance themselves from me, it was something I had to do. but again, it is very different when it comes to marriages and children.

I wish you well, and I hope others may offer better words on the topic for you.

Permalink Reply by Rusty Gunn. on September 24, 2009 at 9:56pm

"It is very different when you are the ONLY one in your house that is the unbeliever, ESPECIALLY if the remaining believers are true fundamentalists.'

Its an impossible situation. Prepare for a major disruption in your life.

Permalink Reply by Taylor James on October 25, 2009 at 2:25pm

Hang in there Jon, been where you are. Wasn't able to keep my family together, but I've never been happier. Good Luck!

Permalink Reply by Jon on September 23, 2009 at 12:23am

I sent in my letter a little over a year ago. It was fairly quick and painless... the bishop did have to stop by, mostly just as a formality to make certain that it really was me who sent it in. We chatted for a few minutes and that was that. Some bishops may be more difficult to deal with, however.

I'm glad I did it.

Jon, there's no easy solution... I can only say that in my opinion, authenticity is the best route to take. If other people can't handle it, that's THEIR problem, not yours. I know a lot of people stay in for the sake of keeping the family together, and maybe it works for them, but my personal experience was that doing so only made me a hollow mask of a person.

Permalink Reply by Rick on September 23, 2009 at 7:41am

I am curious, did you have your letter notarized? I did, and our bishop is an attorney so he should be used to taking a notarized signature as fact.

I also included in my letter that I wanted no further contact with the church other than to receive a letter confirming that I was in fact removed.

I know I sound bitter but I am so tired of the pressure from the church members.

Thanks for your response,
Rick

Permalink Reply by Taylor James on October 24, 2009 at 3:18pm

I have to agree with Jon's reply to Jon on this one. If we don't live our lives with who we are who will? I too felt hollow and empty as I tried to stay and pretend for the sake of keeping my family together. I've been fortunate to remarry the most wonderful, supportive women. Together, she's helped me keep good relations with my kids and I feel relieved to live my life being true to who I am.
Taylor

Permalink Reply by Rick on October 5, 2009 at 9:33am

Got my Dodge letter last week. It was the normal language you read about stating what a grave error I am making and that this is and ecclesiastical matter for my LOCAL church leadership. The letter i composed (and had notarized) was forwarded to the ward that still has my name on record (even after almost 30 years of inactivity) and Greg Dodge says that the local bishop will be in touch with me.

I find this to be such utter B.S., I have stated everything that needs to be "confirmed" according to the church handbook in my letter and it was notarized. One of the biggest reasons I sent the letter in the first place is to put a stop to the pop-in visits/calls from the members acting as an agent of the church.

I am sure this will be no biggie, just a few words with the bishop to "make sure" I REALLY want to sever my ties to the church but the whole policy of "once a member always a member", like it or not just urks me.

Permalink Reply by Michelle on October 25, 2009 at 7:34am

This "dodge" letter is pretty standard. Just send them another letter, include a copy of the first and their response, and say, "no, I mean it. If you don't comply, I'll take the matter to the media/attorney/etc." They'll send you another letter in a few weeks confirming the removal.

Permalink Reply by Arizona Gunrunner on October 25, 2009 at 7:14pm

Don't deal with any local church leaders!! Just don't! And don't let them talk you into going in to an "excommunication" court at the church building!! If they threaten that, threaten a lawyer and slander charges to the local "leaders" personally. Once you sent the letter to headquarters they have to legally treat you as having left the church and have no control or say anymore.

And most likely any family members still in the church will somehow hear about your letter and officially leaving the church!! So be prepared for parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and every other family member to come out of the wood work and contact you.

Permalink Reply by Rick on October 29, 2009 at 1:32pm

I'm glad you posted this, I haven't seen the dvd but I think I will order it.

I don't think I need to go to the length of having an essay written (good idea for the truly fundamentalists lol), but I may give them the dvd to watch.

I found that while my mother was raised in the church, she really doesn't know as much about it as she should. I guess we would all be under the classification of "Jack-Leg-Mormons". I have encouraged her to read, take notes while she does and ask questions. If she is happy in the church, I am happy for her.

Permalink Reply by Rick on October 30, 2009 at 8:50pm

Oh, I have confessed to her that I do not believe in what the mormon church teaches, while I was at it, i came out as an atheist as well.

She took it well, but during our conversations since have made me understand that she didn't attend siminary, and truely doesn't know some/most of the crazy tennents of the church. That is why I have encouraged her to read, take notes, and ask questions. it is my hope that she too will see the church is not "real" as they all like to say.

Permalink Reply by Rick on October 29, 2009 at 1:20pm

Thanks for the comment Daryl. My Dodge letter was clear, it said it was forwarding my letter to local officials (bishop and stake president). about a week later, I got a letter from the bishop saying that while he didn't agree with me he (and the church) respect my right to not believe. My letter was forwarded to the stake president for processing.

My only complaint is that in my letter, I requested that they forgo the usual 30 day waiting period and process my name removal with no delay. They still are giving me 30 days to change my mind.

I have not replied to anyone, and I will hopefully receive my final letter stating that I have been removed from the rosters permanently.

I read up extensively about how to go about this before writing my letter and everything stated what you did. My letter was very clear that I knew my rights and would not be willing to speak with anyone from the church on this topic.

So far, everything has gone just as it read on the site that I used to help me construct my letter. I got my dodge letter saying what a GRAVE error I was making and that it was an ecclesiastic matter for local church officials to handle but they would forward my letter accordingly. Then came the bishop letter. Now, I expect the final letter and all should be done. I have been shopping for the appropriate frame so I may proudly display it when it arrives.

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