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Comment by Jabu M on September 9, 2011 at 2:52pm

Thanks for the encouragement and advice. Dustin, you've given me a bit to think about and I've decided to hold it off until tomorrow evening - this to avoid leaving my mom with an empty DS slot to deal with (she's responsible for scheduling preachers). I've decided to go with this sermon: http://www.apibs.org/sermons/sglcc960206.htm , expanding particularly yet subtly on the first point of the conclusion. I'm still coming out though. I'm just holding it off to avoid looking like an asshole.

Comment by Dustin Williams on September 9, 2011 at 12:26pm

Jabu,

Given your situation and the region you live it, this decision, as brave as it is and a crucial as it may be for your mental health may not be in your best interest as far as safety. Make sure that you have weighed the costs and benefits before you do anything. 

If you come out in the hours before you are to preach you may be thanked for your integrity or you may face a high amount of anger and hostility. Be careful. Also know that you have the support of me and I'm sure the rest of the group regardless of the decision you make.

If you do go through with preaching the sermon, I would advise preaching about the Golden Rule or something from Ecclesiastics. Those two sections from the Bible are probably the most humanistic and freethought friendly you'll find. 

If you go with the Golden Rule, focus on living a good, ethical, life as a humanist, just don't word it as such. Present what is the greatest of all morality: doing good just because it's good. Also address the implications it has when it comes to charitable attidute that people should have with those outside the in group, people like Catholics, pagans, atheists, essentially all of those who are not part of the "remnant." 

This would allow you to preach something you believe in while at the same time giving the congregation something they can appreciate and learn from. It would also make it so that when you do come out to your family and/or church that any questions about what kind of a person you'll be or what kind of ethics you'll follow have already been addressed. 

Regardless of the direction you take, I wish you the best of luck.

Comment by Ben Roth on September 9, 2011 at 9:51am

JB,
Congratulations on deciding to come out!
I'm not sure what to tell you about the sermon. Depending on how bold you feel, you could make the sermon your coming out speech. ;) Definitely wouldn't make things easier on you, but it would be a huge splash. 

I got pushed into telling children's story once after I had stopped believing, but I managed to push through by memorizing one of the stories out of those children's bible story books. Not quite the same thing, but I feel your pain. I think Dustin and others will have more useful things to say about preaching things you don't believe anymore. I just know it's possible to get by without anyone noticing.

If you come out soon enough before the sermon, you might get out of having to give it. And I think the sooner you go through with it, the less likely you'll be to chicken out altogether. On the other hand, you're kinda cutting it close to the wire at this point and I can't imagine what the people you come out to would be feeling during your sermon if they knew. 
Let us know what you decide and how it goes,
Best of luck! -Ben

Comment by Jabu M on September 9, 2011 at 5:38am

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've been here, but I need a bit of advice and encouragement. I'm planning on coming out today. Last week my mom told me that I'm slated to preach tomorrow. I tried to make a half-hearted excuse about why I couldn't but still got pressed into it anyway. Since then, I've tried to keep it off my mind, hoping I'd be able to pull something out of my ass at the last moment like I normally do. Now, less than a day before it's meant to happen, I can see that I can't do it.

 

I think the primary reason I'm feeling comfortable in the space I'm in and with telling my parents what I believe is the fact that I'll be writing my examinations June of next year instead of in less than 2 months time. That's a huge load of stress that's been lifted off my shoulders, and it also means I'll have a full 3 months or so of dealing with the fallout before I have to begin studying in earnest again.

 

So does anyone who's gone through the coming out experience have any pointers you could give me? Should I wait for my mom to bring the issue of the sermon up or should I be proactive? I think I have about 6 or 7 hours before the pressure starts mounting at sunset.

 

Cheers

JB

Comment by John Turner on June 28, 2011 at 12:27am

If anyone is interested in 3ABN & the Tommy Shelton molestation issues, I did a write-up today: http://educatetruther.blogspot.com/2011/06/tommy-shelton-and-3abn-h...

Comment by LouAnne White on May 28, 2011 at 8:43am

Hi,  Nice to find another ex-Adventist group who didn't leave the church to join another, although I guess that is sometimes the pathway before we realize all religion is man made. 
I've been hanging out with other ex-Adventist/atheists on facebook and is always nice to find more.  If you are a facebooker, please add me to your friend list.  It's fun to communicate with others who have gone down the Adventist road because like SuzyQ said below, at least we know what a Big Frank is.  ha ha!!  and when someone makes a jab at EGW we can laugh.  We have a unique experience, like no other and it is a joy to fellowship with you and others who understand.

Comment by Dustin Williams on May 20, 2011 at 10:59pm

John, I admire your courage for finally letting your wife know where you're at. I hope she's taking it well.

Comment by John Turner on May 19, 2011 at 1:41pm

Thanks for the overview Dustin. I was at LSU in 98’ & 99’ and then did the SM thing and a year at WWC. I’ve been following this issue since the beginning, and have even corresponded several times with one of the science professors at LSU who I greatly respect. Believe it or not, but the science curriculum and standards were quite good when I was there, on par with what I later received at public universities.

The real problem is that the doctrines and culture of the SDA church value ‘revealed’ truth over systematic inquiry, so science professors and their beliefs will never be accepted within the larger church body even though they are a major part of the reason why SDA medical schools and institutions are as good as they are.

While I’m at it, I’d like to apologize for hiding under a rock for so long. I’ve had issues that have taken up my time, such as starting a business with my wife, and haven’t been able to be a part of the discussions here.

And finally, …. I have some news on the coming-out front. Monday night I had a discussion with my wife where I revealed my true beliefs about things for which there is no evidence. Needless to say, we’ve had some late night conversation since then…

Comment by Dustin Williams on May 18, 2011 at 10:32pm

For those of you who don't follow my blog, I'm currently doing a series on the evolution controversy at LSU. You can find it at http://www.dwnomad.com

Comment by John Kiernan on May 7, 2011 at 8:04pm

I guess it was a gradual thing. When I was a young preteen, I told my folks that I did not want to go to Church anymore. They told me "As long as you live in this house you will go to church." So, as soon as I turned 18, I joined the Air Force. No more church. It took me longer to form My nonbeliever status and 4 years of Academy helped. I am thankful that I did not expose my kids to that.

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