Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dustin Williams on July 17, 2012 at 8:16pm

I can certainly relate since I worked through doubts while earning my BA in theology and during my brief stint at the seminary. I wanted to just quietly slip out the back door but I was unable to. I quit in the middle of preaching an evangelistic series, left the seminary, returned home, and stopped going to church. It brought up questions for others and I was stuck answering them. 

I can also relate to having to leave your life behind and start over. Its difficult as you adjust to such things as working on Saturdays, going to bars, socializing with people outside the world you knew, etc. The first three years were very lonely. Then when I moved to Boise two years ago I connected with the local atheist community and life has never been better.

Find a group and get involved. Give them some time to warm up to you, but it will be more than worth it.

Permalink Reply by Silvian Dragan on July 17, 2012 at 8:24pm

Thanks for the great advice. My way of thinking has changed dramatically while studying computer science in college. I've learned the single most important skill in life: Critical Thinking. I think if more people applied it to everything in their life there would be empty churches out there. :-)
At the moment I am stuck at home which makes me feel quite lonely. I miss my college friends after I graduated last year and it has been a stressful and a dificult year finishing my masters degree this year. However I have a job ready to start with BT early this september so I'm looking forward to moving away from home for good but at the same time I am also worried. 
I will take your advice and continue to find new friends and be involved in groups and clubs like i have been for the past 5 years in college. I find it difficult adjusting at times and I still feel that I am way behind my social skills since being raised in a very strict adventist home made it difficult for me to develop my social skills.

I can say for certain though that college has been the single best thing that has ever happened in my life. It has helped me greatly not only to achieve my goals but also to learn pretty much from zero to socialise with people, meet new friends and actually for the first time in my life go to a bar or pub as we call them here in Ireland.

Permalink Reply by Dustin Williams on July 17, 2012 at 8:31pm

The first time in a bar/pub is weird and foreign and it took me a good two years for that to go away. One thing that will help is that what you find in atheist groups is a lot of other geeks. All the things that make me a weird nerd elsewhere, make me cool. I would be surprised if you don't find that too.

Moving away is a good idea. I was fortunate that the job I got when I dropped out of the seminary took me more than 350 miles away from my parents. I love them and they are very supportive, but the distance is necessary to become your own person.

Permalink Reply by Silvian Dragan on July 17, 2012 at 8:37pm

Hehe I can relate exactly to the same experience. It took me my full first year in college to be accommodated to the bar experience. Soon after I got involved in martial arts and gaming and archery clubs and societies where I met my friends who are nerds/geeks who think alike and I felt more at home. 

Now I guess my next step is to move away from family. My new job will be in Belfast which is at least 300 miles away from where I life atm. So yeah distance will be good. My mom is still supportive of me but I do need the fresh start. 

I guess I'll just have to wait and experience where life will take me from here on. At least I don't have any strings attached to anything or anyone back home. Thanks for sharing your experience Dustin. I shall keep in touch with the atheistnexus.

Permalink Reply by Shane Starr on July 18, 2012 at 8:46pm

Welcome! Glad to have you here. One of my favorite thoughts on my deconversion is that I was always told "you will know the truth and the truth will set you free" obviously intended to mean religious "truth" but it has infact proven to be an accurate statement now that I have found the truth!
My transition was somewhat easier than most it seems. When I was 17 I discovered that my then girlfriend was pregnant only a few weeks before I was scheduled to be baptized (looking back now if there were a god the one thing he ever did for me was prevent my baptism lol). I was also preparing to join the Army at that time and was being baptized prior to joining up. After the information revealing my "violations of gods will" was brought to my pastor he determined to cancel my baptism. This was the first wedge driven between the church and myself. Once I left for basic training I discovered many people of different points of view and was able to quickly shed my blanket of adventism and a couple of years later religion as a whole.
The one hurdle I have never cleared is coming out about my beliefs. I think secretly my parents know but they constantly act like they expect me to believe their reigious crap and I have never managed to bring myself to call them out on it.