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Do you feel resentful about how you were raised?

This is something I have been thinking about lately. Do any of you feel angry? Misled? Or do you feel your upbringing was provided with generally good intentions?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Humble Pie on August 31, 2012 at 12:20am

What a history! I'm so glad, though, that you were shaken up enough to get out of there sooner rather than later!

Permalink Reply by Alexandra on November 24, 2012 at 12:12am

Christ, can you imagine. I would have grown out of TV so much faster if I had been allowed to watch it, just for one example. I would actually have a year 12 level education in every respect, not just in terms of maths and english, and I wouldn't have an incredibly fucked up sexuality either. Blah.

Permalink Reply by Humble Pie on August 22, 2012 at 11:41pm

As far as resentment implies ill will, no, I'm not resentful about the way my parents raised me as a child. Yes, I was held back in a dozen ways, including intellectual, social, artistic, athletic, moral, and others. But I don't really feel they deserve too much blame. They sacrificed greatly to provide me with what their horribly religion-infected brains told them was the best possible upbringing. Certainly, I've wished a hundred times over things were different, but I can hardly hold that against them, regardless of how wrong they were.

But they were extremely wrong.

It wasn't until just two or three years ago that my mother came to the moral epiphany that all non-Adventists weren't either directly worshiping Satan or glorifying him through the worship of the Beast. Seriously. She literally believed that 6,970,000,000 of the planet's 7,000,000,000 people were under the control of supernatural evil forces bent on the destruction of God's faithful remnant. Think about the awful implications that sort of mindset has for someone's life!!!

No, my upbringing could have been worse of course, but it was still pretty awful in it's own way. That I don't hold against them. What upsets me, if anything, is that they make up stories for themselves as to why I'm not a Xian. Rather than accepting that the system isn't internally consistent, or even that that is my own subjective view of things, they bizarrely tell themselves I decided evolution was true and therefor god was false. It might be a good enough reason, I suppose, but for me, the whole thing fell apart internally and then I replaced it with something more consistent once the rubble was cleared. I guess they just feel more comfortable pretending it was knocked down by some outside force than that it crumbled on its own. But the weird denials and the "this is what you believe now!" are incredibly off putting.

Permalink Reply by Alexandra on November 24, 2012 at 12:20am

Belly laughs on the second paragraph here. :)

Permalink Reply by Diane on September 3, 2012 at 12:42am

Well said, Rhonda. I say live what you love. Theater for you?
BTW, were you SDA or SDA connected before you met your ex?

Permalink Reply by Rashid Allen on February 25, 2013 at 11:13am

I feel resentful and angry sometimes. I feel that a huge chunk of my life was wasted. Honestly speaking, I feel like I should have enjoyed college more. I missed many many parties and school events because of my beliefs at the time. I turned down hot girls that were ready for sex. It even took me longer to graduate because I wouldn't attend classes on Friday nights or Saturdays during the day. I missed certain classes year after year because of this and it actually took me an extra year to finish my Bachelors degree. I missed job opportunities because I didn't want to work on Sabbath. In short, I could have had way more sex, could have finished school quicker, and could have taken advantage of certain job opportunities. So yeah, I'm a little pissed sometimes.

Permalink Reply by EJN on March 2, 2013 at 10:53am

Yes, I do. After the third grade my parents took me out of public school and into private school. I was taught all sorts of stuff about how the world is evil and people from different religions are evil. It took a profound tole on me, and made it difficult for me to bond with people even to this day. For many years I knew no one and had no friends that were not SDA. The reasons for most of my problems are not there anymore, but the problems are still there.

My parents had the best of intentions, but that isn't relevant. History is full of people doing horrid things with the best of intentions.

I do feel misled. Being raised to have divisive beliefs, and all the unscientific crap.

Permalink Reply by Humble Pie on March 3, 2013 at 6:12pm

So sorry to hear that. I'm a 12 year survivor of parochial school myself. My fiancee and I were just talking about that this afternoon. It's hard to believe how many states are opting for voucher programs now. It's horrifying that the government is now paying for children to be abused like we were. It's going to be like Ireland before long.

Permalink Reply by EJN on March 7, 2013 at 11:16pm

Yeah I absolutely do not support public funding for those sorts of private organizations. It really is child abuse... and I think it is harmful in ways that are not full understood. Do you feel like you are worse off with that 12 year 'education'?

Permalink Reply by Humble Pie on March 11, 2013 at 8:15pm

Absolutely. It's not that I don't think I did okay with it, because in retrospect, I feel like I did really well. But I would have had so many more resources, and I could have done really well so much easier, at a school that actually promoted critical thought and free inquiry.

Permalink Reply by Alexandra on March 5, 2013 at 10:29pm

I love this page. Nice to know I'm not the only one feeling all fucked up inside.

Permalink Reply by EJN on March 7, 2013 at 11:16pm

Are you okay?