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Dealing with loss....

So...
My oldest cat, and dearest, closest, friend has cancer....I tell myself that I gave her a good life and that I did everything that I could but that it's "just that time". I remind myself that this is "just how things are" that I "can only do so much" but I feel so lost and so destroyed and so utterly miserable. I try to make every moment count...every day with her... but I feel so small and helpless even though I know that this is how things are. Times like these I understand how people can cling to delusions but I just can't, I don't think I ever have been able to. I have noone in my life anymore that really "gets" what this is doing to me either...no one that understands, and I guess I figured I would post incase anyone is going through similar or can say something that might help add to my strength ( or lack thereof )...anything that might help me to feel better other than the reminder that although this loss will always be with me...I won't always be here to acknowledge it...
I just feel like when she is gone a big piece of myself goes with her...I tell myself that I will get through it and grow stronger again but...right now the idea of losing her is so...immobilizing. I don't know why I am posting here ...I guess because reaching out to people who tell me we will be together in "heaven" does absolutely no good because that seems like such a silly and irrational concept =/
so...seriously, how do you get through this? I have a few ways but I could really use some reinforecements here...

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Susan LaCroix on November 2, 2009 at 5:14pm

I feel so bad for you, at one time or another most pet owners face this heatbreak and there is nothing I can say to make it better. I'm sure you've already heard most of the things people say at a time like this, but just try to take it one day at a time. Stay in touch with the folks who DO understand, they'll be the ones you can depend on.

I know what helped me when I was in the same situation a few years ago. I volunteered at the local animal shelter for several months. Being around other animals really helped drag me out of the depression i was in, and I ended up with a little kitten that I love to pieces now. Everyone has to find their own way I guess, but keep in touch, we're here for you.

Permalink Reply by Elandiel on November 5, 2009 at 8:05pm

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. It's not always easy finding people who understand truly bonding with animals, then add the lack of religious beliefs to the mix and you end up feeling pretty alone... Fortunately, I have multiple pets ( 6 cats and a dog ) which I find, in times like these, is a big help. We all sort of stick together as it were so I won't be able to just crawl into a corner and wallow. We all seem to need each other and support each other in our own little ways ...

Permalink Reply by Catdoc on November 15, 2009 at 10:31pm

So sorry to hear about your kitty. I lost my best and most awesome feline a few years ago, with no warning. I went out of town to a conference, and learned of her death over the phone, when I could not see her or know what happened. She was fine, and then my wife found her under a big pine tree out back without a mark. She was 12. I suspect she died of heart failure because she had no symptoms of illness. The whole thing was a total surprise.

I did well for a few days because I didn't really have time to comprehend it, and was so far away. But one evening, about 3 days after I found out, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. I cried for about an hour all by myself in a bloody hotel room, with a pillow on my face so no one else could hear me. After I got hold of myself, I guess I felt a little better and was able to get to sleep. But I have never quite gotten over that loss- she was the best cat I will ever have, no one else will ever be the same.

This was several years ago, and I do have a bunch of other cats now, although none will ever be like Little Bear. But now I have another super special cat that can compete. Life brings you what you need if you wait long enough. No god needed. I'll attach a pic of Ibis.

You will not get over this easily or without pain. This is the price we pay for the love we get from these little creatures- nothing is free. But hold on, and you will get though.