Coming Out - Is it Necessary?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Drew on August 12, 2008 at 12:51pm

Absolutely necessary. Every time you do so, every person who does so, makes the world a better, safer, and more tolerant place.

Now, that doesn't mean you can do and say the same things to every person, or in every situation. The phrase, "I respect that you think that way, but I don't share that opinion, and I think it's more important to respect opinions than impose mine on others" is pretty hard for people to argue with without looking like a disrespectful jerk, and it's a great way to pave the way for people to eventually find out where you are at.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Dickson on August 27, 2008 at 7:19pm

Drew..
That's a nice placating line, but if I were to use it, I'd be lying. I don't respect the fundie mindset, refuse to tolerate proselytizers, and find it difficult not to sneer at a non-thinking thumper. Of course, I'm at an advantage, being a scary old fartette who doesn't hesitate to drop an F-bomb when necessary and says precisely what she thinks at all times, to anyone within earshot. I'm sure I've been labeled "senile" more than a few times, usually by the christians who insist on gang-praying me. But I'm proud to say I've raised smart atheist kids and grandchildren...I even convinced one of them to write his senior thesis on "Faith vs. Reason", which he aced after the Old Lady pointed him to the right arguments.
In any case, to answer the question posed here, yes I think it's necessary not just to come out, but to do so with vigor at every opportunity. The voice of reason MUST be heard!

Permalink Reply by Holly on August 12, 2008 at 6:30pm

Here's one good reason why coming out is important: The loudest voice is often perceived as the majority opinion.

If we don't speak up, those who make the most noise are effectively speaking for us. Even in situations where atheism is no big deal (with my family, for instance) I don't want to be misrepresented.

Permalink Reply by Pockets on October 30, 2008 at 1:51pm

HI MyMelody, I am in a pretty similar situation, some of my friends know and my wife know, but there is no way that I can tell my parents or sister (pretty religious) or my inlaws (SUPER RELIGIOUS). The friends I have told are already "out" and pretty damn vocal about it. I am skeptical about letting people know for fear that people won't understand what that really means. And if you want to bring an atheist boy home....

Permalink Reply by Ruth Dickson on October 30, 2008 at 2:24pm

I don't get it. What are you kids actually afraid of? What can your families do to you? I assume they're xtians...doesn't that mean they're supposed to love everybody? Aren't parents supposed to love their children unconditionally? Instead of allowing them to intimidate you, couldn't you have a reasonable discussion on the subject? Do you think they would actually disown you if you admitted to your non-belief and explain how you arrived at it? I'm sure you'd be subjected to a gang-pray, but aside from the deadly boredom, it doesn't really hurt much. I'm really curious about this (I'm addressing both MyMelody and Pockets here): Why do you feel unable to disclose your atheism to your family?

Permalink Reply by Pockets on December 22, 2008 at 1:56am

With my mother I think it would just hurt her unnecessarily. My mother in law would absolutely ostracize me, and she would take it out on my wife (they are very close). She still makes snide remarks that we lived together before we got married a year and half ago.
I am just weighing the pros and cons of coming out fully and it just isn't worth it to come out to my family. I have come out to just about everyone else, wife, friends, some co-worker.

Permalink Reply by Corey on August 19, 2009 at 9:35pm

For me it wasn't that big a deal my family isn't that religious my family are not really church people they are all pretty skeptic to organized religion both parent's believe but are not in your face types. My favorite is my grandfather his mother was a born again type in his words she was whore turned preacher so he's not a big fan Televangelist types especially Oral Roberts but he is still a Talking Snake,Noah's Ark Christian so he is beyond help and 75 and harmless. The one person in my family that annoys me is my teenage cousin who is on the verge of being a fundie.

Permalink Reply by Courtney King on December 7, 2009 at 11:27am

I'm sorry that I'm super late replying to this but just joined this site. I think that its nessesary to come-out about Atheism because its no fun to live a lie, been there done that. However its very hard to do, when you come from a religious family such as mine, fear of being exiled from you family looms high over your head. I think for now at this vulnerable and family-dependent time of my life, keeping my mouth shut about being Atheist is the best choice.

Permalink Reply by Ruth Dickson on December 7, 2009 at 12:43pm

Assuming they call themselves "christians", couldn't you point out to them that forgiveness and acceptance is part of their belief? And if god really does exist, why should it matter if you believe it or not? I'm not suggesting that you start an argument with them, but is a discussion out of the question? Hopefully you have enough facts to be able to refute the myths...if not, read Dawkins or Harris first.

Permalink Reply by Edward Teach on December 7, 2009 at 11:47am

My experience on A/N has solidified my belief that we should be open and honest about our atheism. "Good" minorities keep their mouths shut. "Good" minorities do not create change. I prefer being a tactful, "Bad" minority.

Permalink Reply by Johnny on December 7, 2009 at 3:12pm

aw, great point Rusty!

Permalink Reply by Johnny on December 7, 2009 at 3:12pm

absolutely! there are unspeakable cultural penalties when people rely on religion and it should be vehemently, though with debating courtesy, be opposed.

If not for religion, I swear we would have been a peaceful societies with proper education and equality by now.

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