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Cancer

If you have cancer.

If you had cancer.

If you know someone with cancer.

If you want to talk about cancer.

We won't pray.  We won't blame gods.  We won't give credit to gods.  

We face the diagnosis and know, it is what it is.  

To the extent that we can, we will define our own course.

Members: 21
Latest Activity: 12 hours ago

Cancer

Cancer changes lives.

We have to deal with medical profession.

We have to deal with medications.

We have to deal with new discomfort and pain.

We have to create dignity, where there is indignity.

We have to deal with family members, friends, coworkers, and strangers, in a changed way.

We resolve to go forward with strength, resilience, purpose, pride, and integrity.

We define ourselves. Cancer does not define us.

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Comment by Plinius on February 6, 2014 at 12:45am

Thanks for your words, Mindy and Joan! And I know how my parents became so cold; they were f***ed up by xtianity. Always talking how they were blessed with children, and very unhappy with the blessings. They blamed their children for living.

In the meantime I make a mess of this group, I should keep subjects neatly apart. Sorry, Daniel!

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 5, 2014 at 2:32pm

Oh Chris! I am so very sorry. Your sweet character, loving and compassionate ways give off so much warmth and love.

How could parents be so cold? I wonder, they grew up in horrible times and must have endured a lot in their youth. They had only survival instincts and none of the loving and nourishing that one needs. This is the cost of war and it goes for generations. 

I am glad you were able to cry and feel and express your feelings. What a terrible block you had keeping you from flourishing. 

Well, you flourish now in these pages and with your comments. You offer many insights blind to many of us, and you have such empathy for others.

You evolved, like a flower grows out of rubble, blossoming into all your glory. The blossom came from inside you. I stand in awe. 

 

Comment by Plinius on February 5, 2014 at 11:29am

Yes, and it stopped after my parents' death. But look what wonderful people I found! (((GROUPHUG))))

Comment by Plinius on February 5, 2014 at 6:01am

I'm not a crier, or perhaps I am; I first try to decide what can be done best and I do that. Tears come later, but I discovered very late that you must make room for tears - or else. From perhaps my 10th to somewhere in my 40s I woke up every day feeling like I had been run over by a van. Never remembered dreams, but I was broken every morning. One day husband remarked that I had been crying and moaning very much that night - I never knew that I did that! Then we made the connection: my parents never wanted or liked me, and I cried about their betrayal.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 11:05pm

Don't pray for us, don't make sandwiches, go get a check up to make as sure as possible your body is free of cancer cells.

Comment by Dr. Terence Meaden on February 4, 2014 at 10:32pm

The day the GP told me that I had prostate cancer I was polite and quiet with him while being so very angry inside. Not angry because of getting the cancer  because that was decided by a gene defect in my genome---so that was my destiny; but angry because every January I went voluntarily for a medical and every time I asked the GP to check me for everything including blood tests for everything. And every time I got a verbal message saying that all was well. I did not know that to save a few bucks he was omitting the PSA test. So suddenly one year (six years ago) he calls me in to report that a PSA test had been done and my PSA was a startling 34 (which rose to 42 over the next 4 months). I had had the cancer for three years without anyone knowing (the PSA number was doubling annually). The cancer is what they call locally advanced and I am swallowing pills that cost thousands every year. So I am angry---but not depressed. I have always been a supreme optimist and will fight this to the end. The latest news is that I have 5 years to go---and of course I am hoping that new pills will appear during this time period to lengthen this further. Do any of you others in this group have prostate cancer? 

Comment by Idaho Spud on February 4, 2014 at 6:46pm

Doesn't sound morbid to me Mindy.

Comment by Daniel W on February 4, 2014 at 6:07pm

I guess I'm different here. Maybe it's a gender thing. No tears, no anger, no denial, no panic.

Temperamentally I sometimes veer into depression, and there has been that. Or maybe grief is more accurate. Definitely for me there has been grief over losing the "no cancer" version of me, and some grief about other losses along with it. Some loss of the sort of physical or bodily integrity, where I've had to let other people do things to my body. I don't like that.

Also I feel I let my partner down by getting cancer. I do not want to put him through, what this puts people through. I still feel grief about when he came home and the EMTs were there getting me onto a gurney. He looked so panicked. He still tries to make me eat better and wants me to quit work, thinking that will help me get better.

I also feel some relief, that I am not putting my parents through this. They had good, long lives, and did not lose a child to cancer or to any other disease. That is a good thing.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 3:05pm

I'm a crier, at anything and everything. A real patsy for the stuff designed for gullible people. Usually the tears energize me to figure out what is so painful to hear or watch and attempt to make systemic changes. I guess crier, thinker, doer, celebrator just about sums me up. I am seriously lacking humor in that string

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 11:56am

There is no god that loves us, watches over us, answers prayers, has a plan for us, takes sides with us on the playing field or in the real field of life.
It is that simple.
We do have, however, all the stimulating factors of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling with our skin and feeling with our emotions, a brain, everything we need to think and act in the face of challenges.
The dependent, weak, acquiescent, obedient, submissive, fainthearted, compliant, passive, cowardly, docile among us will wring out all the time, energy and money from those who produce and feel justified in doing so. They do so in the name of their "god", whoever or whatever that is.

 

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