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Cancer

If you have cancer.

If you had cancer.

If you know someone with cancer.

If you want to talk about cancer.

We won't pray.  We won't blame gods.  We won't give credit to gods.  

We face the diagnosis and know, it is what it is.  

To the extent that we can, we will define our own course.

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Latest Activity: Nov 16

Cancer

Cancer changes lives.

We have to deal with medical profession.

We have to deal with medications.

We have to deal with new discomfort and pain.

We have to create dignity, where there is indignity.

We have to deal with family members, friends, coworkers, and strangers, in a changed way.

We resolve to go forward with strength, resilience, purpose, pride, and integrity.

We define ourselves. Cancer does not define us.

Discussion Forum

what is cancer?

Started by Luara Oct 8. 0 Replies

Here's a good blog on the hallmarks of cancerContinue

Men at risk of Prostate Cancer could in future be identified by Gene Tests

Started by Dr. Terence Meaden. Last reply by Patricia Sep 16. 3 Replies

Ex Nature Genetics... Genetic tests could identify men having up to 100 genes that together can raise their risk of prostate cancer sixfold. One per cent of men carry a combination of the genes that…Continue

Tags: Prostate Cancer, Genes

A Personal Cancer Blog

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Comment by Daniel W on February 4, 2014 at 6:07pm

I guess I'm different here. Maybe it's a gender thing. No tears, no anger, no denial, no panic.

Temperamentally I sometimes veer into depression, and there has been that. Or maybe grief is more accurate. Definitely for me there has been grief over losing the "no cancer" version of me, and some grief about other losses along with it. Some loss of the sort of physical or bodily integrity, where I've had to let other people do things to my body. I don't like that.

Also I feel I let my partner down by getting cancer. I do not want to put him through, what this puts people through. I still feel grief about when he came home and the EMTs were there getting me onto a gurney. He looked so panicked. He still tries to make me eat better and wants me to quit work, thinking that will help me get better.

I also feel some relief, that I am not putting my parents through this. They had good, long lives, and did not lose a child to cancer or to any other disease. That is a good thing.

Comment by booklover on February 4, 2014 at 3:22pm
I don't cry as much anymore. When my son, now 19, was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 10, I HAD to be strong and be the mom. I certainly wasn't going to make him more afraid. I cried in the car by myself once, and that was it. I talked to him about how I hated it that he had it, and I wish I could have it for him, but I just let him know he would still do whatever he wanted in life, just with some extra work due to this sucky thing he now had. I everyone kept waiting for me to crash, but I just didn't. I think I went into warrior-mommy mode.
Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 3:05pm

I'm a crier, at anything and everything. A real patsy for the stuff designed for gullible people. Usually the tears energize me to figure out what is so painful to hear or watch and attempt to make systemic changes. I guess crier, thinker, doer, celebrator just about sums me up. I am seriously lacking humor in that string

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 11:56am

There is no god that loves us, watches over us, answers prayers, has a plan for us, takes sides with us on the playing field or in the real field of life.
It is that simple.
We do have, however, all the stimulating factors of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling with our skin and feeling with our emotions, a brain, everything we need to think and act in the face of challenges.
The dependent, weak, acquiescent, obedient, submissive, fainthearted, compliant, passive, cowardly, docile among us will wring out all the time, energy and money from those who produce and feel justified in doing so. They do so in the name of their "god", whoever or whatever that is.

Comment by booklover on February 4, 2014 at 8:34am

You went through an awful lot Patricia!  I'm so glad you are doing well now.  See, talking about awful things people go through just floors me as to how anyone can think that there is a loving god who is letting this happen for a reason.  ANY reason isn't good enough!

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 1:22am

Yes, that is what I mean. You cry and then you think and then you act. That is emotional strength. Sure, one might run around for second opinions, or try magic potions before doing the real work. It isn't hard to sort out fact from fiction, especially in cancer treatment.

A dear friend from high school days, now living in California, called me on a regular basis telling me to drink hydrogen peroxide, and it would cure my breast cancer. I checked research reports, sorting out the nonsense from the real work, and it was easy to know what I had to do.

This false hope that so many are more than happy to shove down ones throat do more harm than good and should be told that.   

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 3, 2014 at 11:42pm

Oh Patricia! What an ordeal. I can't help but think about the experiences of women of my grandmothers' and mother's era and what they had to go through. Those of us who have easy access to facilities and modern technology are fortunate today. For rural men and women the drives to and from treatments are gruelling. I talked to many people who had 6 and 8 hour drives from home to the CCNW facility. Some of them had meager means and had to camp out in the best arrangements they could make. There is now a place where people can stay for these frequent treatment. It just opened up. Kind of like McDonald House. 

I'm sorry you had that long wait for test results. Nine weeks are a long time to wait. Surgery, then chemo ... oh my goodness, you must have emotional strength of a lioness. "Cancer waits for nobody!" You are my inspiration.

Comment by booklover on February 3, 2014 at 10:47pm
Thanks Joan and Daniel. Joan, my sister isn't the pessimist, but her husband is. I am OCD only with worrying about my kids. It's weird. The first thing I think when my son says his knee is swollen and hurts is "what if it's cancer?" I know it's unreasonable, yet the thought automatically comes to me. I am not like that with anything else. I do try and make myself think good thoughts, etc.
Daniel, I can only imagine how frustrating it is to wait for results from pathologists, etc! I know my brother-in-law will worry himself sick until he gets the results. Luckily my sister is a strong woman, and not pessimistic!
Comment by Joan Denoo on February 3, 2014 at 10:16pm

Living with an OCD is like living with someone with pessimism prisms, seeing the world through worst case scenario glasses. Quite the opposite of living with someone with optimism prisms, seeing the world through "what do I do now?" glasses. 

I do hope your sister has emotional strength to overcome pessimism! It appears to me to be such a useless frame for living. Further, it seems pessimism is easier to catch than optimism. 

Maybe exposing your sister to some positive images will help her maintain equilibrium.  It isn't enough to think positive thoughts, the negative thoughts can be replaced with healthy, positive, nurturing, life-affirming thoughts. Keeping track of the good things in one's life may help.  Try not to catch the pessimism virus.

We are here to back you up. Just know you are not alone in this event. 

Just a wee bit of cheer:

Winter is a time of quiet contemplation, of many things unknown, of darkness, and mysteries. It is that time of the year of dormancy; the time of an event that is undiagnosed.

Because time does not cure all ills, this is a time of thinking, of getting information, accumulating knowledge in preparation for the unknown and all it entails. This period is one in which one seeks information, explores options, weighs the pros and cons of each option.

Once all the information from professionals and your own inquiry commences, decisions need to be made and planning for action takes place. One step at a time. One bump in the road at a time until all that can be done is done.

I love Daniel's statement, "What is, is."

That period of unknowns is the beginning of a process of healing.     

Comment by Daniel W on February 3, 2014 at 9:07pm

I have a feeling a cancer diagnosis is especially hard on someone with OCD.  That waiting is almost a rite of passage for transition from being just a regular person, to being a person with cancer.  It's hard.  Around here, the oncologist won't take a person who doesn't have an actual biopsy result. Their intake is usually a week or two.  First the biopsy, then that is sent to pathologist, and they have to process the sample and interpret it.  So from the first "This might be a cancer" to seeing an oncologist, might be several weeks.  That may  not make a difference as far as illness, or survivability - usually not, but maybe sometimes - but it's brutal psychologically. 

OI think for some, harder on the family than the person with cancer.

 

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