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Can atheist brothas be faulted for looking for love outside their race?

First off dont get me wrong, whoever one chooses to love is certainly their business, and I have no problems with inter-racial couples. I myself have dated outside my race in the past, and would have no concerns about doing so again. However, truth be told I would love to find a sista, (woman of color-from wherever) who was atheist,or at the very least maybe spiritual but not religious. Talk about needle in the haystack! Maybe one that actually lives in my city, or state (we all cant relocate). Usually w/ sista's upon hearing my belifes, or lack thereof, 'the party's over". Which is not a bad thing I, since I certainly could not deal with the whole xtian mindset, customs yatta, yatta. I am not a god-fearing man and am very proud of it! At the same time there seem to be more white women for whom it is not a concern. So would I be settling? I mean, you fall in love with, who you fall in love with. Maybe I just feel my sista's eyes already rollin at me, just for the thought of it. But hey, a brotha cant wait "forever" for yall to come around.

Not patiently waiting.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cet on September 13, 2011 at 12:05am

if you are brave enough to be an atheist in Texas then your brave enough to handle whatever path true love leads you to, and anything else this life can dish out for that matter.

Brava. Well said Naomi. I think one of the issues in finding atheist women of color, which cirkus-frk got to was the taboo of a black woman and or another WOC calling herself an atheist. There are few things that afford us privilege and being a Christian is one of them. For a sista to be an avowed atheist is a social risk many may be scared or unready to take [both within the community and society at large].

Ultimately J.Muntu, I think someone who is strong in her non-theistic beliefs and a personality and values match, regardless of color would be a better match for you than someone who can simply tolerate yours.

Best of luck to you!

Permalink Reply by J.Muntu on September 13, 2011 at 1:05am

Thank you, I definitely agree, but in the mean time... Lol!!! I feel like a damn monk. In the sence that I feel bound not to have what I want. Now I'm as optomistic as the next person, heck even more at times, but I feel as if every woman that I'm attracted to is christian. then when I do find a atheist/agnostic, I feel like there's so much more pressure at least initally, since it is so rare that it happens. Then I'm always dissapointed due to us not being compatible in some way or many many miles apart. I imagine when I do finally find her out ther she will have been worth the wait (I know I am :) but damn will I be 80 or what! Lol!!!

Have a good one.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 7, 2010 at 9:02pm

I can relate. I'm 1/2 Black, 1/2 Spanish and 100% atheist. A little over 4 years ago someone told me that my lack of belief in Sky Daddy would have implications in my love life. 6 months later, I was in a new city and met someone through an atheist meetup group. We hit it off and have been together ever since. I suggest atheist/agnostic/freethinker meetups and lectures or social gatherings. I personally know several women of color who reject fairytales. Keep looking and good luck!

Permalink Reply by Sarsippious Jackson on October 12, 2010 at 6:30pm

It may be just me, but I see a very big difference between finding a perfect 'black' athiest mate and having people that you meet run for the hills when you tell them that you do not bow before a Great, Evil Tyrant in the sky.

I have read through most of the posts by black women and it seems as though the majority say that is is hard to find black men who are atheist. This is different from my experience. I am a decent looking, educated man with many things going for me (I am not bragging). Most black women acknowledge this and are interested until I tell them that I am an atheist. Once they find this out, it is as if I told them I like to kill and sodomize kittens (Really, really cute kittens only!). They run like hell filled with fear. This is the case 100% of the time. It does not matter what kind of woman they are: Educated, professional women: single moms with five kids by six different men; total tramps screwing everything that is moving and partying like it's 1999. It is hard to find atheist black women and all of the others treat you like you have the plague. You can, however, be a semi-literate, unemployed 'thug' with a criminal record and 6 kids (that you do not take care of) by five women, but as long as you wear a cross, you are cool.

Is this the case for the black women posting here? My suspicion is that it is not (at least not near 100%). If you are a good looking black woman, most black men that I know (religious) will ignore the 'quirks' and hang around. The man may not want to marry you and stay with you for ever and ever (as if that would happen anyway), but the horror and fear are not the urgent, driving factors.

I am 100% out and proud. If the subject comes up, you will know where I stand. I will not be rude, but you will get an unequivocal understanding. I have waited for a long time and dealt with much foolishness. I am pretty much to the point where I am certain that I will not find a black woman who will accept me for who I am.

Permalink Reply by Brandon Eaton on October 15, 2010 at 7:07pm

thats real right there.

Permalink Reply by Alona Naga on January 21, 2011 at 11:19pm

word

Permalink Reply by Brandon Eaton on October 15, 2010 at 7:04pm

I have the same problem here... I live in DC. Conversations about religion leave me with the impression most just "do it because its what they've been told". My girlfriend calls herself a Xtian... Always giving praise to "god" on her Facebook wall.. Its annoying. I haven't told her my beliefs, but she'll eventually figure it out. Its hard out here for an Atheist... But "it bees like that sometimes". I feel like this, if I can accept you for believing in your imaginary friend, you should be able to accept me for Not... If you're irrational about it, Dueces. *kanyeshrug*

Permalink Reply by Ralph Dumain on October 20, 2010 at 9:19pm

There are several black female atheists in DC, but I know primarily the married ones: don't know who fits your age bracket and is available. Some years ago, the situation would have been completely hopeless, so there is a thin ray of light in this cow town.

Permalink Reply by GodMockingBitch on October 16, 2010 at 9:53am

Yeah, we are out hear with the same problem, most black men are religious also. Good luck.

Permalink Reply by Yosemite Sam on December 4, 2010 at 1:12pm

As "Freethinkers", we should firstly recognize the trap of enclosing yourself in anything called race! Race is nothing more than a connotation used to stratify and ratify social-status. It is an awkward situation when you reveal yourself to theists, particularly romantic interests at that. As madblackatheist said, the deck is stacked against us (atheists) in these circumstances, but to have an idealized version of romantic bliss based on melanocyte activity is something else altogether.

Permalink Reply by Carolyn on January 12, 2011 at 1:50pm

Love is love, period. If you find and fall in love with an atheist/ non-believer/ skeptic who is not black then so be it! I'd rather you be with this type of woman as opposed to being with a religious black woman who will more than likely refute your beliefs and/or try to "change" you (as a black woman, I HATE when other black women swear up and down that they can change a man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

My last relationship was with a dark-skinned non-believer (at that point in time, neither of us deemed ourselves as atheists. I realized that I am one after we broke up, however, religion was never an issue). Frankly, I am only open to dating other atheists, non-believers, and maybe a guy who is spirtual but not religious. Theists need not apply- AT ALL. Not sure if I'll find another black man who meets that standard here in New York, although I'm not really looking.

Good luck with the sistas, Mr. Muntu and the other brothas on this thread. We're not all religious assholes.

Permalink Reply by Alona Naga on January 21, 2011 at 9:50pm

Amen. pun totally intended.