Can atheist brothas be faulted for looking for love outside their race?

First off dont get me wrong, whoever one chooses to love is  certainly their business, and I have no problems with inter-racial couples. I myself have dated outside my race in the past, and would have no concerns about doing so again. However, truth be told I would love to find a sista, (woman of color-from wherever) who was atheist,or at the very least maybe spiritual but not religious. Talk about needle in the haystack! Maybe one that actually lives in my city, or state (we all cant relocate). Usually w/ sista's upon hearing my belifes, or lack thereof, 'the party's over". Which is not a bad thing I, since I certainly could not deal with the whole xtian mindset, customs yatta, yatta. I am not a god-fearing man and am very proud of it! At the same time there seem to be more white women for whom it is not a concern. So would I be settling? I mean, you fall in love with, who you fall in love with. Maybe I just feel my sista's eyes already rollin at me, just for the thought of it. But hey, a brotha cant wait "forever" for yall to come around.

 

Not patiently waiting.

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Replies to This Discussion

Thx alot! Very well put. Enevitably I'm going to do what it takes to be happy, I appreciate the validation.
I found myself in the same boat. Wanting to date within my race (for once), but knowing that most of the men who suit my tastes are not of my race. (Not that I'm knocking my current non-black boyfriend in the least hehe). Found a couple near me (as in in Houston), and even some in various other states through this site, but the mexican/white boy got to me first lol.

Keep alert, I'm sure you'll find your heathen nubian godless goddess :)
Just to add another suggestion, search for a Unitarian Universalist church in your area. Many have black members. Many Unitarians are atheist and agnostics. Most Unitarians are very liberal minded spiritually. You will find Christians, Buddhist, Hindus, etc, in the same congregation. But the one thing they have in common is respecting people's difference of opinions concerning their faith or lack thereof. So even if you find a Sister that is a believer, she may not have a problem that you are not.

~eddie
In or out is up to the individual. Last relationships are inherently difficult, but acheivement is not out of the question. It is strange that you'd ask such a question when it has been apparrent for decades. Today, the combinations are different, but for men it has always been that way. It is black women that have little choice and some is self-inflicted in trying to remain close to the community where the choices are limited by incarceration, lack of education and already married men. Also, an educated black woman more than likely is not in a location where a bevy of elgible black men reside. Right, wrong or indifferent, men of all races have done it for centuries. It is only when black men do it that it creates waves. Where you find a soul mate isn't even up to you. Most accidentally find their "other half" abd then go on to fall apart. (LOL)
But really why would you date anyone who was simply willing to put up with your non-theist beliefs? Why should you be the one to settle? First you'd be entering a relationship with someone you can't respect since you know in your heart and mind that religious beliefs are akin to mental disorders to paraphrase Dawkins. You can't be with someone you don't respect. I'm a woman who's been in a 10 year relationship with a man who's a semi practicing Jehovah's Witness. Oh yeah and he's black too. Oh and I'm white. And his family, all JW's, all think I'm the devil's spawn of course but we never let that get in our way, what has gotten in the way is my having lost respect for him. He thinks praying for me is gonna fix me, we're getting no where. Now that I've discovered this site what I'm gonna do is show him this page and let him see there are actually black people who don't believe in god. Who knew? I sure didn't. Glad to be here though. :) Good luck in your search.
Its too hard to find a sister who doesnt want a god fearing man. I personally will date any gorgeous woman who is fit and intelligent.
First, I truly love black women- I think they are beautiful, and other than on religious matters, very smart. But, it is unbelievably difficult to find a black woman who is a freethinker! She doesn't even have to be an atheist- I would gladly settle for an agnostic or even a skeptic. All of my relationships- except for the most recent one- have been with black women. Black Christian women are constantly trying to save you, because after all something is wrong with any black man who doesn't accept Jesus (yes, I had an ex-girlfriend tell me that before). They will look down their noses at you, because it is them (who believe in a talking snake and a magic apple) who are rational, and you who believes in evolution who is quite literally insane.

My recent ex-girlfriend is Japanese and was raised an atheistic Buddhist, we never had such arguments. She was very happy to accept me for who I am. It was a very peaceful relationship, and I still count her as a VERY good friend today. I know there has to be a black woman out there who I can have the same sort of peace with- at least I hope so. If not- then I may have to try interracial dating again.

PS- I know that black female atheists must experience the same frustration with black Christian men. Isn't there some way to make sure that we can find each other?
With the increase in Internet activity on this theme, more will come into contact with one another. Of course, one's contact may reside hundreds or thousands of miles away, and one might live in an exceptionally unfavorable area, but this is a start. Luckily, I don't have to worry about this personally anymore, so I don't keep up with dating sites, but one could exploit existing ones or create new ones. Somebody just started a black atheist dating site on Facebook, I believe.

Times are a-changing. Black atheist males or nonblack atheist males who like black women used to be in a terrible bind. The stories are legion. But now a lot of black freethinking women are emerging, some with the same complaints about their mating pool.

More categories to consider: the nominally religious but apathetic, and the nonreligious non-atheist, the anticlerical non-churched, the not-too-crazy New Ager.
For what it's worth, I've gotten a share of flack for dating non-Jewish men. I'm marrying a guy who's a quarter Jewish (not too shabby) and my mom is thrilled he's any part Jewish at all. I'm just saying I can relate.
I don't think finding an african-american atheist woman is as hard as you think it is. I'm black and an atheist, and a woman.... so is my daughter, and my mother and several other female relatives. I will say, however, that because there a certain "taboos" in the black community a black woman may not feel comfortable voicing her belief (or lack there of). Don't give up, my husband and I have been together for 18 years and neither of us feel afraid or ashamed of being atheists.
Good Luck! My GF is white---and it had nothing to do with me "self-hating" or "Black flight". After my divorce (from a beautiful Black woman might I add...she chose Jesus, I chose reality!) I was hard-pressed to find a Black woman who wasn't on the thug mentality OR so sophisticated/educated/blessed that she *ahem* "Couldn't love a man that would deny God".

Good luck with THAT one...lol

Turned out to be good thing as I ended up meeting the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with --- nothing like being able to be yourself and be loved for it :)

Don't let the illusion of race dictate your happiness brother :)
Thanks Keith, thats some of the best advice yet. Actually I have no problem dating outside my race at all, its just that I do love my sisters and in the back of my mind I know I would love to find a sister who understands where I'm coming from. With that said, I do value my partners understanding of my athiesm, more than I value having a sister;when it comes down to it. I think I kind of felt like I was giving up on them, but hey life is short, and my gaol is to be happy.

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