Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by J.Muntu on May 1, 2010 at 10:45pm

Thx alot! Very well put. Enevitably I'm going to do what it takes to be happy, I appreciate the validation.

Permalink Reply by Black Magick Woman on May 3, 2010 at 8:53am

I found myself in the same boat. Wanting to date within my race (for once), but knowing that most of the men who suit my tastes are not of my race. (Not that I'm knocking my current non-black boyfriend in the least hehe). Found a couple near me (as in in Houston), and even some in various other states through this site, but the mexican/white boy got to me first lol.

Keep alert, I'm sure you'll find your heathen nubian godless goddess :)

Permalink Reply by Eddie E. Hicks Sr. on May 3, 2010 at 2:16pm

Just to add another suggestion, search for a Unitarian Universalist church in your area. Many have black members. Many Unitarians are atheist and agnostics. Most Unitarians are very liberal minded spiritually. You will find Christians, Buddhist, Hindus, etc, in the same congregation. But the one thing they have in common is respecting people's difference of opinions concerning their faith or lack thereof. So even if you find a Sister that is a believer, she may not have a problem that you are not.

~eddie

Permalink Reply by Donald R Barbera on May 4, 2010 at 7:04am

In or out is up to the individual. Last relationships are inherently difficult, but acheivement is not out of the question. It is strange that you'd ask such a question when it has been apparrent for decades. Today, the combinations are different, but for men it has always been that way. It is black women that have little choice and some is self-inflicted in trying to remain close to the community where the choices are limited by incarceration, lack of education and already married men. Also, an educated black woman more than likely is not in a location where a bevy of elgible black men reside. Right, wrong or indifferent, men of all races have done it for centuries. It is only when black men do it that it creates waves. Where you find a soul mate isn't even up to you. Most accidentally find their "other half" abd then go on to fall apart. (LOL)

Permalink Reply by Nikki Chaffin on May 18, 2010 at 12:32pm

But really why would you date anyone who was simply willing to put up with your non-theist beliefs? Why should you be the one to settle? First you'd be entering a relationship with someone you can't respect since you know in your heart and mind that religious beliefs are akin to mental disorders to paraphrase Dawkins. You can't be with someone you don't respect. I'm a woman who's been in a 10 year relationship with a man who's a semi practicing Jehovah's Witness. Oh yeah and he's black too. Oh and I'm white. And his family, all JW's, all think I'm the devil's spawn of course but we never let that get in our way, what has gotten in the way is my having lost respect for him. He thinks praying for me is gonna fix me, we're getting no where. Now that I've discovered this site what I'm gonna do is show him this page and let him see there are actually black people who don't believe in god. Who knew? I sure didn't. Glad to be here though. :) Good luck in your search.

Permalink Reply by RealType on May 24, 2010 at 11:03pm

Its too hard to find a sister who doesnt want a god fearing man. I personally will date any gorgeous woman who is fit and intelligent.

Permalink Reply by Shawn Anonymous on May 31, 2010 at 6:52pm

First, I truly love black women- I think they are beautiful, and other than on religious matters, very smart. But, it is unbelievably difficult to find a black woman who is a freethinker! She doesn't even have to be an atheist- I would gladly settle for an agnostic or even a skeptic. All of my relationships- except for the most recent one- have been with black women. Black Christian women are constantly trying to save you, because after all something is wrong with any black man who doesn't accept Jesus (yes, I had an ex-girlfriend tell me that before). They will look down their noses at you, because it is them (who believe in a talking snake and a magic apple) who are rational, and you who believes in evolution who is quite literally insane.

My recent ex-girlfriend is Japanese and was raised an atheistic Buddhist, we never had such arguments. She was very happy to accept me for who I am. It was a very peaceful relationship, and I still count her as a VERY good friend today. I know there has to be a black woman out there who I can have the same sort of peace with- at least I hope so. If not- then I may have to try interracial dating again.

PS- I know that black female atheists must experience the same frustration with black Christian men. Isn't there some way to make sure that we can find each other?

Permalink Reply by Ralph Dumain on June 21, 2010 at 3:16pm

With the increase in Internet activity on this theme, more will come into contact with one another. Of course, one's contact may reside hundreds or thousands of miles away, and one might live in an exceptionally unfavorable area, but this is a start. Luckily, I don't have to worry about this personally anymore, so I don't keep up with dating sites, but one could exploit existing ones or create new ones. Somebody just started a black atheist dating site on Facebook, I believe.

Times are a-changing. Black atheist males or nonblack atheist males who like black women used to be in a terrible bind. The stories are legion. But now a lot of black freethinking women are emerging, some with the same complaints about their mating pool.

More categories to consider: the nominally religious but apathetic, and the nonreligious non-atheist, the anticlerical non-churched, the not-too-crazy New Ager.

Permalink Reply by Sarah Trachtenberg on June 3, 2010 at 2:52pm

For what it's worth, I've gotten a share of flack for dating non-Jewish men. I'm marrying a guy who's a quarter Jewish (not too shabby) and my mom is thrilled he's any part Jewish at all. I'm just saying I can relate.

Permalink Reply by cirkus-frk on June 21, 2010 at 2:28pm

I don't think finding an african-american atheist woman is as hard as you think it is. I'm black and an atheist, and a woman.... so is my daughter, and my mother and several other female relatives. I will say, however, that because there a certain "taboos" in the black community a black woman may not feel comfortable voicing her belief (or lack there of). Don't give up, my husband and I have been together for 18 years and neither of us feel afraid or ashamed of being atheists.

Permalink Reply by Scream on June 22, 2010 at 5:27pm

Good Luck! My GF is white---and it had nothing to do with me "self-hating" or "Black flight". After my divorce (from a beautiful Black woman might I add...she chose Jesus, I chose reality!) I was hard-pressed to find a Black woman who wasn't on the thug mentality OR so sophisticated/educated/blessed that she *ahem* "Couldn't love a man that would deny God".

Good luck with THAT one...lol

Turned out to be good thing as I ended up meeting the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with --- nothing like being able to be yourself and be loved for it :)

Don't let the illusion of race dictate your happiness brother :)

Permalink Reply by J.Muntu on June 22, 2010 at 8:49pm

Thanks Keith, thats some of the best advice yet. Actually I have no problem dating outside my race at all, its just that I do love my sisters and in the back of my mind I know I would love to find a sister who understands where I'm coming from. With that said, I do value my partners understanding of my athiesm, more than I value having a sister;when it comes down to it. I think I kind of felt like I was giving up on them, but hey life is short, and my gaol is to be happy.

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