This was written by Greta Christina in 2006, but I still think much of this is pertinent, in general. I don't know if Dan Savage has had an epiphany since then.

"So a couple of months ago, Dan Savage of the sex advice column Savage Love wrote this column about bisexuals (ed. the article is now gone from GC's link, so I didn't post it). While it did get my dander up, it was certainly a sight better than some of what he's written about bisexuality in the past. In his own words: 'I no longer believe that most bisexuals wind up in [heterosexual relationships] because you're all liars and cheats, or that you're all dying to access societal perks reserved for heterosexuals, or that you're all cowards and it's hard out here for a homo.'"

Read the rest here.

Some of the comments are quite good.

Tags: bisexuals, dan savage, dan savage ho hum, greta christina, yes we exist

Views: 169

Replies to This Discussion

It also doesn't take into account that some people don't want to date bisexuals:( Luckily I haven't come across that, but I know it's out there, esp in the lesbian world.
People often tell me that I have twice the chances of anyone else at finding romance because I'm bi.

People who say this are ignorant, or like to think themselves clever. Outside of certain circles, I have found that some people won't give me the time of day, despite the trend of straight women making out with each other in clubs/bars in hopes of attracting male attention, or that idiotic Katy Perry song.

My answer: sure, if all the women on earth were lesbians!

I must respectfully disagree. There'd be a percentage of lesbians who believed one or more of the following: you have heterosexual privilege by being bi, you're bringing HIV into the wimmin's community, you're sleeping with the enemy, etc...

For simple math, lets say that 90% of everyone is homosexual. That means that out of all available people, 90% of males and 10% of females would be attracted to my gender. Add that up, and only 1/10 people attracted to my gender are female!

If 90% of all people are homosexual, then most men aren't going to have an interest in you. Also, did you mean sex rather than gender? Only 10% of women? Am I missing something here?

While I live with a man, I am not in a heterosexual relationship, even though he is heterosexual. His orientation doesn't change mine. A fuller understanding of the many flavours of gender might help with an understanding of this.
Thanks.

I didn't see your qualifying comment the first time around. Maybe I need to use a different browser, as I've been noticing that I'll read a page at one point, and then when I go back later to respond, comments were there that I didn't see the first time. They hadn't been added in the interim.
That shouldn't happen if you close and reopen your browser. If you navigate back to the same page in the same session, you might indeed need to hit the "refresh" button. Tricksy hobbitses...
Yes, I know. I'm talking about comments that were added months ago, not things that were added while I was making my comment.

...or maybe I should use my reading specs more often.
Oh, that's weird, Grundgetta. Yeah, no explanation for that. Unless the intertubez get dust bunnies or something. Maybe if the thing The Nerd posted a picture of comes with a long handle attachment, we could use it to sweep out some cobwebs.
It's happened to me before other places on the site. Doesn't happen all the time, but...

While I live with a man, I am not in a heterosexual relationship, even though he is heterosexual. His orientation doesn't change mine.

I wholeheartedly agree. I live with a man and it took a lot of discussion for him to realize this. Many guys seem to take it as an insult if you are with them and you still express attractions for women. He gets it now though. He even defended bisexuals (I wasn't even there) to a group he was studying with when they went out for lunch. One of the girls kept saying that bisexuals eventually have to pick a side and then they are either gay or straight, and he patiently explained that orientation is about attraction, it's not based on the relationship you happen to be in at the time. We've also discussed having a poly relationship. We're not really actively seeking it out, but if it happens it happens.

I remember the so-called study a few years ago that concluded there's no such thing as male bisexuality. My response was "really? have you been inside the brain of every male since the beginning of time?" If there's one thing I've learned about human sexuality, it's that anything you can possibly imagine exists in real life!

Savage doesn't take into account that there are also a lot of people who identify as gay but also have attraction to the opposite sex (look at how flirtatious gay men can be with women!) Some very openly bi people I've known have told me that BOTH straight and gay people would come out as bi to her.

Even if most bisexual women end up in straight relationships ("straight by default" I used to call it) we don't know that they are not capable of loving women or that they don't have open relationships. I have fallen in love with both sexes. I've also known bisexual women who ended up with lesbian partners.

I don't know why some are so eager to dismiss bisexuality or put people into straight/gay camps. When I was younger I tried to call myself lesbian and fit into the lesbian scene...but the problem was, I was also attracted to men, almost as much as women if not an equal amount!

Some people assume that someone is straight or gay based on whether they are in an opposite- or same- sex relationship and I think that's what he's doing. That's the thing about bisexuality; it's not immediately apparent!
People love to sort things into two buckets as much as they possibly can. It makes the world simpler to think about, but it's rarely an accurate picture. Sexuality is extremely slippery, and not just if you're using lube. The Nerd's math is fairly compelling, though. Given that society generally expects people to cohabit only in pairs, and that most people are mostly straight, simple math dictates that bisexuals will end up in hetero relationships most of the time. I admire Dan Savage, but he's not really thinking this one thru.
I remember the so-called study a few years ago that concluded there's no such thing as male bisexuality.

I never saw it, but I heard no end of it. What always amazes me is that some people are so quick to dismiss other's sexual/romantic/emotional orientation. I've never understood why it makes such a difference to people who aren't involved in it.

If there's one thing I've learned about human sexuality, it's that anything you can possibly imagine exists in real life!

Indeed! Even some things I wish I didn't know about.

If I have time, I may start a discussion about the phrase "opposite sex". I've never liked it. The first intersexed person I met was in my early 20s. There are more than two sexes.

I've had one het woman, and two gay men come out as bi to me. I was honoured that I was their first point of contact.

Some people assume that someone is straight or gay based on whether they are in an opposite- or same- sex relationship and I think that's what he's doing.

I'm sure their heads would explode if they knew there are more than two sexes.
Would you call them "another sex" maybe, instead of "opposite sex"?

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