i look in the mirror and hate my reflection

damn this depression is a damn infection

suicide yea the thought be temptin'

....damn im giving in to surrenderin'

 

so the mirror i smash then laugh

shit...wish i could find my own path

shit...i wish i'd be burried butt up so they can kiss my ass

vicodin and liquor has my ass angry and smashed

 

i went from a hip hopper to a rockabilly greaser

then i went to school in the burbs and discovered freedom...shit was easier

lookin for work to get to the burbs im so damn eager

and college......but im imbarresed for not being a "pleaser"

 

 

im a 21 year old virgin imagine never making out

never had a girl, that comes up then my anger pop's out

figure,got no confidence, then comes contemplating blowing my brains out

but instead i knock over a table and scream and shout

 

run out the front door at 1 in the morning

hopefully a ghetto fuck kills me,there will be no mourning :(

this rage is tipping the scale its soaring

take 20 sleeping pills hoping i dont wake up the next morning

 

but thats me i hope it aint you

.....i cant imagine someone going through what im going through

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lately i feel im gonna go out fataly,it may sound silly but i cant take it i mean really,shit all i got is heavy metal and rockabilly/i mean people assume im racist, shit its hard to face this i hate this,shit i aint no racist but im a atheist to all you closeted jesus freak racists/ have u ever felt depression, have u ever dealt with so much rage and tension that you feel like takin em and suplexem em not to mention endin' up in a center of detention.../ im 21 and im done.....shit i cry,shit i run,shit i feel like grabbing this gun and ending myself and some....people,maybe i'll take out a fucking ton/ yea im white trash,yea im poor,never been with a girl im debating on picking up a whore...but then the tears pore,these feeling i can no longer ignore....bullet to my brain and i land on the floor/ the ambulance people say oh he was a nut case.....i just hope my hair aint out of place....place....

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Replies to This Discussion

This level of depression is not normal but responds quickly to appropriate treatment. The untreated disorder is often fatal. Please get some professional help asap.
Michael, your poem is disturbing. Pause a minute, take a deep breath, and think about how you're going to get out of this mental state. You have the best part of your life ahead of you. Do what you have to do in order to look at life differently.

Also, get out of the vampire/devil head in your other poem. Don't allow your mind to harbor these nihilistic thoughts. You can do it. Start disciplining your mind.

Above all, listen to Rosemary.
Michael, I have to agree with Rosemary and Richard here. Remember, the mind is an extension of the physical body, and just as you would treat an illness to the body, you have to seek treatment when you have an illness of the mind. There is no shame in that. First find out if there is a medical treatment that can help, and then seek out a workable philosophy. I wrote a book (Going Godless -essays and info at http://goinggodless.com) which specifically addresses how we deal philosophically with the existential gloom of becoming atheist. You are a self-aware, intelligent being, and though that may not be a divine miracle, it is a pretty amazing thing, a very rare and precious thing in a vast and mostly lifeless universe.

Secondly, some of the greatest artists and writers in history have been suicidal prone, and all too often we the rest of the world loose them to their self-destructive urges. If you can channel that passion into your artistic work, we will all be better off.

We atheists can't simply give up religion without replacing it with something to fill the gap. That is why most of us are secular humanists. We are atheist, not by choice, but because we feel there is in fact no God, regardless of how much one might want to believe life has a divine meaning. But most of us are secular humanists by choice: it is a set of values and principles, belief in the way things should be. We have to find meaning and purpose, and often the reason we don't find meaning and purpose is because we are focused on the self.

I will also recommend you look into Buddhism, not as a complete belief system, but because it provides much useful philosophy that the atheist can live by. If you take Buddhism and toss out the supernatural parts of reincarnation and universal karma, you have me, a solid atheist and monist-materialist.

Hang in there, guy!

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