Hallmark never mentioned THIS on the cards...

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Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on June 8, 2009 at 1:03pm

I have a wonderful photo of Tristan at several months old. I am holding him up in the bath among all the bubbles. He has a big happy grin and big smiling eyes. Great picture. What it doesn't show is that he pooped in the bath several minutes later and after I'd cleaned him up, I had to have a shower to wash it all off me.

Peter didn't take a photos of that incident. It wouldn't have made a good Hallmark Card either.

I still remember all those nurses who sent me home with this high-input kid saying: Enjoy your child. Huh.

Then there were all those baby manuals which told me to wash milk bottles, prepare food, etc. when my baby was asleep. Snort. When, exactly, was this meant to happen with a 2 hr sleep-wake-cycling kid?
All these manuals assumed that the child was full term and had had time to read the Manual of Parental Expectations to the last page before knocking their head on the womb wall to be let out.

Permalink Reply by LeoPardus on June 8, 2009 at 1:45pm

Actually Ben was not too bad in this department. Usually when things went ugly with him it was blood, pus, swelling, etc.
He did poop in the tub a time or three, and he blew out a few diapers. But mostly it was not so much cleaning him up that made the big messes. It was emergency 'keeping him alive' stuff.

Now his eldest brother OTOH: That kid painted his crib with poop and with Desitin on separate occasions. (In case you didn't know, Desitin is much harder to clean.) Biggest brother also vomited like Vesuvius (that was even my nick-name for him.) and swallowed Tanac (a whole bottle) and swallowed a whole bottle of multi-vitamins with extra iron, and put the car in gear and crashed it into the garage door when he was 4.

I think we could make serious money with our own line of cards.
For Mother's Day: A card showing Mom with poop running down her trousers.
For Father's day: A card showing the plowed down garage door.
And cute lines like, "Remember the time....." Or, "Sorry Dad"
Or better yet, how about, "Dear Mom, Thanks for putting up with all my shit."

Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on June 8, 2009 at 3:15pm

&Alex:

LOL again.

It is wonderful to be able to laugh about all this crap (some of it literal) that we have been putting up with all these years.

Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on June 8, 2009 at 3:13pm

LOL. Great idea, Leo.

Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on June 9, 2009 at 3:47pm

Yeah, classic :-)

Permalink Reply by Deb on December 4, 2009 at 7:39pm

I see no one's posted here for a while, but I HAD to read your stories just to prove to myself that I wasn't the only one.

My darling little Danny came out screaming and didn't shut his mouth for the next 6 months. Colic? I'd never seen anything like that child.

By the time he was nearly two and had learned to walk, he would run through the house tearing his diaper apart along the way. I always joked that it looked like we were having a snow storm in our house (see? that would make a great xmas card--naked kid running through the snow).

That was just the beginning of what would be 15 years of tantruming. Here's something Hallmark never warned me about--being knocked to the floor by a kid who is bigger than you and then have him hit and bite you all the time you're screaming for help and trying to escape his evil hold on you.

Happy mother's day to me X's 19. At least they are all memorable years...

Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on December 5, 2009 at 2:23am

Thanks for sharing. It reminds me a little of the time my darling decided to practice screaming up and down the supermarket isles - for two solid days. He just turned 15 and mercifully does not remember this.

Permalink Reply by Deb on December 5, 2009 at 8:52am

I must say, my sweetie was never really one to act out in public. He saved it all for home. Except for the one time he hit his pregnant teacher back in grade school. THAT was a phone call I'll never forget.

Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on December 5, 2009 at 12:08pm

Ours used to engage in biting sessions. Once we were standing in a supermarket queue and wondered why the little girl in front of us took one look at Tristan and hid behind her daddy. It turned out she was one of the victims. :-(