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I'm a new member and I would like to introduce myself

I'm 17 years old, a Tunisian girl who lives in an islamic narrow minded world, I was raised by muslim parents who were born from muslims parents as well , every one around me is muslim.

Since I was a child, I was forced to learn the Koran and believe in its every single word without even questioning it . since the day I was born my freedom to think for myself was taken away from me . sometimes I wished that I was never born into this world in the first place, I would curse my own existence over and over again in order to console myself.

I was forcefully taught that Islam is the only true religion and that its God is the one and only true real creator. I didn't even have the chance to wonder or doubt, All I was told is that this God is beautiful, loving, caring, forgiving, fair, strong, selfless and so on ....

I remember at the age of 11, I once asked my teacher.

" Mister, if God is so caring and forgiving , why would he make a place as scary as Hell and torment his people so cruelly ? " back then, the teacher glared at me for a while then he told me :

" My dear, do never dare to ask such questions, you should never ever doubt our almighty Creator or otherwise you will end up in hell yourself ,"

Back then, I actually believed what my teachers and parents told me, after all I was nothing but a child. When I entred middle school, I started to realize that some inner voice inside me keeps telling that I should never beileve until I see for myself .

So I told one of my classmates , she was the top student in my class back then .

" Do you really think there's a God ? " she stared at me for a while then rolled her eyes away .

" girl, you should stop admiring westren cultures so much , it will bring you no good ."

the next day my teacher visited our home and told my parents .

" this daughter of yours is possesed by Satan, you have to save her as soon as possible ." so I figured ou that my classmate told him about our conversation, I still remember his words so clearly in my mind just as if it was yesterday

I was so frightened of my parents' reaction back then specially my father , but when I remember them now I feel like laughing .

my father kept lecturing me for endless hours telling that being born into the islamic world is a " mercy " from God .

I got scared and I thought that God is going to punish me for sure . at night I would cry my eyes out begging for forgiviness from the heavens. but nothing happened ever since that accident, now I come to terms with myself and I fully accept myself as a true atheist

Sometimes I try to keep my distance from my religious family members specially my dad who's so narrow minded when it comes to his religion because I know it will cause me endless headaches. Until now none of them knows I'm an atheist even though I try to make it obvious most of the time , the only ones who know the truth are my best friends, they weren't surprised when I told them, instead they smiled and said to me :

" We all know you're too open-minded to be a muslim ." it made feel great knowing that there are people around me who are willing to accept me as I am and never intend to change me .

Tags: atheist, ex, freedom, muslim

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on September 12, 2010 at 11:26am

Welcome...it takes a lot of strength to be an atheist in a world like that. I think ex-Muslims are the bravest atheists.

Permalink Reply by Pat on September 12, 2010 at 11:50am

Welcome to A|N, Raghad. I agree with Prog Rock Girl. Atheists who live in those parts of the world where religion is part and parcel of the culture and government have the toughest time of all. Be careful, and I look forward to hearing from you here on A|N.

Permalink Reply by muhab samer on September 19, 2010 at 11:27pm

Dear,
I tell you, people such you are very strong, and possess a rare, practical, and active mind, your mind is dynamic. This is the nature’s gift, because people who possess such minds, they can free or liberate themselves from the slavery of religion, to free yourself from the slavery of religion especially ISLAM, it is a great job and achievement, as taking such a step is not that easy one for those who have Islamic frozen minds. Their minds are broken down, their brains work only within the Islamic , qura’nic, ,and clergy (islamists) frame and environment, they are not valid for working out of that illusional and superstitious sorrunding. They are slaves to that fictional and unexist being or mentally statue so called Allah. Since the early childhood, we are surrounded , bound ,or tied with huge bunch or set of scares, fear, horror ,terror, threat of Hell and grave’s torture, God’s anger , religious persecution, Harams ,bans , forbidden , not allowed , deprivation, suppression, no questioning, no thinking and working for our real and concrete life (which is the only life), only thinking of Allah, life-after alleged Heaven, Hell, this life is mortal leave it and think only about the immortal heavenly life, cover your hear, because that is against God Allah, listen to clergymen(Islamic men) read Quran, don’t listen to music, devils, angels’ monitoring, and so on… to liberate yourself from all those things, that means you have a special mind and strong will. When I was a child, reading quran against my will under beating , every word and sentence come into my mind ; my mind tells me this is nonsense, , unreasonable, unseasonable, impossible, silliness and gives me proofs, not merely speech, that’s what I name it special ,active and dynamic brain, or reason. In bed, I dream of Fire, nasty and savage angels, and chains and torture, but I succeeded in liberating my self of those brutal conceptions. I never believe in any word mentioned in quran or Hadeeths. Go ahead. I feel what you feel.

Permalink Reply by idcollapse on December 16, 2010 at 5:23pm

hey ..interesting story.. i know how you feel . i am an ex muslim too. thanx for sharing . your story is another good reason for me not to tell my friends and relativs about me becoming atheist

thanx your courageous

Permalink Reply by Nuha on January 21, 2011 at 3:38pm

Hi Raghad,

Its so heartening to see girls like you coming from religious backgrounds, breaking free with their minds. I come from a very similar background, where I was taught never to question, doubt or even let those thoughts come in our head (as if thats possible). I admire your courage for even saying something while still in school. At your age I kept telling myself it was just a phase & I might grow out of it, or even be 'saved' if I prayed enough. Now I'm at a stage in my life where I have accepted myself but still feel lonely & trapped surrounded by all the close-minded, brainwashed sheep. I haven't been able to come out to anyone besides a couple of people (not really friends) I know for sure are atheists & will keep my secret. You're lucky to have at least a few good friends who have accepted you & your beliefs without expecting you to change. Btw, do your friends let you discuss & debate religion & beliefs or is it the kind of friendship that survives because you've all decided not to discuss each other's faith? Or maybe they're openly agnostic/atheist too. Just curious :)

Permalink Reply by PPR on March 21, 2011 at 1:52am

Hi,

I am coming from the same culture and community from India where there is almost 70% traditional muslims. I am surprised about you as a female atheist. It is impossible from our area. The main cause is the community that not allowed to live with atheist vision. They will torture, keep out side from the community and very difficult to get a marital partner for our son and daughter. If the communal harassment can stop there are more atheist born.

Permalink Reply by stephan on May 13, 2012 at 3:39pm

hey strong and courageous girl , i like u story . im a also from muslim country (Morroco ). i say to u "dont stop , continue it s ur freedom=hapiness"

Permalink Reply by Selina Mannion on May 25, 2012 at 11:47am

hugs

Permalink Reply by The Palestinian on July 25, 2012 at 5:34pm

Raghad, pleasure to see you on here! As a kid I also asked these sorts of questions, but was fortunate enough to have parents who were open-minded, and free-thinking relatives who I will not name haha. It sucks that you have to keep your ideas a secret, and that you were shut down by adults who should have been teaching you to think for yourself. I kept my beliefs a secret simply out of social pressure for a long time, and even now don't make it obvious to many Arabs. This is the problem with the entire middle-east, and the reason for their inability to move forward socially, to reform, or to escape the clutches of autocracy - it's a fear to think for oneself, and the fact that you overcame that is impressive and admirable. I'm glad there are minds and wills like yours in the Mid-East. I wish you luck, especially under this new, filthy government your people have just handed their freedoms to, and I hope you persevere!

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