This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

Views: 2190

Replies to This Discussion

Let's see......I'm shy (surprise!),reclusive and as a general rule of thumb I really don't like humans very much.

Ooh, so far we're a match!
Ah,ain't that always the way? The cool/fun/interesting ppl are always far away! Just my sh*t luck lolz
Why am I still single? Sometimes I wish I knew why. It does get pretty depressing for me sometimes.

I'll be 50 next Saturday (Sept. 11 - yeah, I know, not the happiest day to have a birthday these days, but it is what it is and I'm OK with it now), single, never married, no kids. I do have a degree in journalism but I'm looking for work right now. Got my degree relatively late - at age 27 - and went to work right away. Worked at a small newspaper in southeastern Missouri, where I was the sports staff. Had some stringing help but basically covered 17 high schools in a four-county area and Southeast Missouri State football and basketball by myself.

I was let go by a new publisher in 1990 who wanted his own person he wanted in my position and wound up at a paper in eastern North Carolina later that year. Worked my ass off for three-and-a-half years doing pretty much everything BUT sweeping the floors. Had virtually no time to myself and I was starting to become a basket case. Then I went to a startup media company a friend of mine began and worked there until it folded in 1994. Went with him to a paper in upstate South Carolina where - guess what - I did just about EVERYTHING again.

Way too many late, late nights, fighting deadlines, no time to do anything outside of work - and all of it for little pay - finally led me to an emotional collapse. I quit the paper in South Carolina and went back home to the St. Louis area totally burned out, exhausted, angry with the world, frustrated and feeling so alone it wasn't funny.

Now I had a couple of chances for a relationship in the Carolinas. One was with a shop owner in eastern North Carolina that seemed promising but was torpedoed when someone at the newspaper I was at interfered with it over something really, really petty and I was dumb enough to listen to the threats not to be spoken to again (I was already having problems with another staffer there who wasn't talking to me - his ego was so big, it was a wonder there was still enough oxygen for everyone else in the room) by said person. The other was in South Carolina when I met a girl who worked at the local mega-drug store in the photo department; we got along great and I'm pretty sure to this day there was some chemistry between us. We spent some time together talking and stuff but for some reason, it never got much past that. She wasn't one of the reasons why I went back home but it was really disappointing that it didn't progress.

I've worked at a local newspaper chain since then and also at a newspaper in east-central Illinois (where I got fired in 2005) and haven't worked in the newspaper biz since. I've tried a lot of things - on-line dating, volunteering, being involved with a couple of local civic groups - but still haven't met anyone yet, at least folks I'd be interested in going out with. And my current situation - no car, having to take public transport everywhere (in St. Louis, for some reason, taking the bus/light rail everywhere makes you lower than dirt in some people's eyes), having to take a job at a strip club for a few years - seemingly makes me untouchable in some women's eyes.

It's frustrating. It's puzzling. It makes me wonder what I have to do. I remember when I was in school one night. I was at one of the campus watering holes and I wasn't feeling all that great about myself to begin with that night. A girl I knew and really liked came into the bar - with her boyfriend at the time (I think they wound up marrying). I kind of knew about the guy but seeing them together really was a body blow. I wound up leaving the place in tears soon after, asking myself "what do I have to do?"

I still feel that way sometimes when I'm out and see any number of bachelorette parties or couples being together. Then I go to some of the clubs around here - just to get out of the house - and I see any number of $30K millionaire types or general douchebags acting like drunken frat boy idiots and all the girls flocking to said idiots. I have to keep everything inside because I don't want to start trouble - I've seen enough drunken bar fights over the years - but there are times I want to just explode and give the frat boys AND the girls who flock to them a couple of pieces of my mind, to say the least.

Sorry if it seems I'm giving out too much information, whining or putting myself out there, especially since I'm new to the nexus, but I guess seeing the question made me want to spill my guts about what I'm feeling right now. I guess staring a milestone birthday in the face makes you really reflective and asking a lot of questions about your life, I suppose.
First, by choice.

Flirting? Fun. Seriousness? Un-fun.
Wow, that makes me sound like an awful person. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Really.
But getting serious or exclusive is something that, for me, should come when you're legitimately giving permanence a shot. Not when he decides he wants to own you and suddenly your joking with guy friends is worse than kitten murder. I have a hard time with commitment. Not one of my better qualities.

But here are all the things horribly wrong with me that prevent relationships:

-My looks. No way gettin' around it. I'm not ashamed of them, but heh. I'm not as thin as the competition, I don't take much time to get ready, I don't have the perfect hair every day. I'm not saying all guys expect perfection, or even like it when girls "primp", but I know that I don't cut a lot of the standard ideals of beauty.

-I have some social anxiety, and on top of that, I think it sometimes comes off as me being abrasive. And kind of... boring. It can be a little difficult to get to know me, but when I come out, it may be too strongly, because I'm honest, and I have thoughts and dreams and opinions.

-Religious, political, and social views. So yeah, my opinions. Liberal feminist atheist. Utah. Does not compute.

-I'm a sexual pansy. Yet, too sexually open for the devout ones. I think I accidentally lead people on sometimes or give the wrong impression.

-This hasn't come up yet, but I make messes. :P I'm an artist, and a cook, and a student.



We should make a "Why Should You Not be Single?" thread.
My looks. No way gettin' around it. I'm not ashamed of them, but heh. I'm not as thin as the competition, I don't take much time to get ready, I don't have the perfect hair every day. I'm not saying all guys expect perfection, or even like it when girls "primp", but I know that I don't cut a lot of the standard ideals of beauty.

Yeah, we're definitely out there, though. I hate makeup, and I think high heels are an abomination. They annihilate your toes and cause foot pain, in exchange for feeding some male issue about tightening up your calf muscles. I think a girl barefoot, in sweatpants and a t-shirt is sexy as hell. Comfort is sexy.

Also, for me it's more about taking care of yourself, rather than being thin. I have a complete lack of self-control, so I can't have someone who will keep tons of junk food around the house. I exercise my self-control at the checkout. If a box of Swiss cake rolls or a carton of ice cream makes its way home with me, it's got a life expectancy of less than 24 hours. I also lift weights and go out for very long walks on a semi-regular basis, and it would be nice to have someone to reinforce that. It's more about finding someone with compatible eating habits and a bit of exercise compatibility. Actual weight, though? Eh, whatever. I mean if someone is 8 inches shorter than me and outweighs me by a good margin, I don't think so, but within sane limits.

Dunno how to help you on the Utah part, though. My advice is to head more towards the coast. Much better pickings for you, if you get to a larger urban area in a coastal, non-gulf state. West coast or somewhere between New England and North Carolina. I think I'm at about the southern extreme of the liberal parts of the east coast. There are other random pockets here and there, but I think that's a good generalization.
Yeah, we're definitely out there, though. I hate makeup, and I think high heels are an abomination. They annihilate your toes and cause foot pain, in exchange for feeding some male issue about tightening up your calf muscles. I think a girl barefoot, in sweatpants and a t-shirt is sexy as hell. Comfort is sexy.

Joseph, I'm in love. Kindly clone yourself and ship copy to Flagstaff AZ...
Yeah, but you know how that kind of thing is. You'd probably get the evil clone.
But maybe I want the evil clone.

Muhaaahaaaahaaa!!!!
LOL that made my day.
I am the evil clone.
8D
I love high heels. I love them. I own the strangest shoes, and the original design of one of my favorite pairs just made it on a yahoo article of ugliest shoes ever. Lol. But I love them.

However, I rarely actually wear them. That would just be sillies.

I know how you feel about the eating thing-- If someone is overweight it's one issue, but you're going to spend time with them, and be subjected to all of their wonderous junk foods. We can't have that!! Life has gotten easier since my therapist gave me this book on intuitive eating though. I'm definitely less "afraid" of food.

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