Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Parsons on August 14, 2009 at 4:54pm

Well, I'm single 'cause my ex-husband became a cocaine addict, and I gave him an ultimatum...and followed through with it. We're still friends, and we still hang out together to go see movies and such, but I won't re-start a love relationship with him. I just don't love him that way anymore. The divorce was five years ago. I haven't been averse to a new relationship, I just tend to have so many interests that I don't make time to really pursue anything. I've been on two dates since the divorce, but they just didn't pan out. Of course, I could get the casual hook-up from many (I get a lot of offers on Myspace and have had a few heading in that direction on Facebook)...but I don't feel comfortable with casual sex (I was never religious; so it must just be a holdover of the cultural backsplash of religion in the U.S., I guess). And while I've glanced at some of the online dating sites, I haven't actually signed up with any since I've been so busy with my activities...I guess I figure if I get a relationship, it'll likely be through one of my activities. Plus, I kinda like the freedom of being single...I can decorate my place any way I want, I don't have to compromise with anyone...so I guess it'd take a lot for me to decide to give some of that up. I'm sort of "okay" with things whichever way they go, really. I usually find the best in what life throws at me. :-)

Permalink Reply by Diaddy_lil_Freethinker on February 17, 2010 at 6:35pm

Uhm... reading your story was as if I was reading my own! exactly the same way to the teeth. The ex and all but I wasn't married!!!

Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on August 14, 2009 at 9:06pm

- Picky I suppose. If I see an immediate red flag in someone it's an immediate turnoff where I know so many others who will say, "Come on, overlook it, maybe he'll change, maybe you'll get used to it..."

- Major social wallflower. Hard to pick up guys at the dance when I'm too painfully shy to go to the dance in the first place.

- Boyfriends so far have all been starving artists: Musicians, actors, one who was a propmaker. Interesting people but not the most psychologically stable demographic. More like the thinks-from-a-whole-other-angle eccentric personality which is what I love in a potential BF, probably because I'm...

- Asperger's/High Functioning Autistic. Really hesitant to say so out loud on this site because there is way, way more misinformation out there than facts. You say 'autism' and people think Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. NO!!! If you must turn to a pop culture reference, Dr. Brennan in "Bones." Though the writers have not officially acknowledged it, unofficially both Brennan and Zach have Asperger's and both actors for the sake of their roles consult with psychologists who specialize in adults with Asperger's. Seriously. Great series on its own merits but they really do a great job with the Asperger's angle with Brennan (except most Aspie women would not be nearly as adept with makeup and fashion coordination as she is. I'm the one who wanders into the clothing store like a deer caught in headlights saying "Wedding ... next week ... no idea ... help!").

Basically, what it means to a potential boyfriend, is that I'm very, very low-drama. I don't play hints or beat-around-the-bush games. If you want to say something to me, just say it and know for sure I'll do the same for you. When I ask, "What are you thinking/feeling?" It's not a trap question, it's because I honestly have trouble reading facial expressions and I just need to know if you're making the goofy face because you're mad at me or because I just said something funny. It means I was the nerd-girl in high school whom you paid to do your math homework but I couldn't get a date for the prom and didn't really want to attend such an awkward, archaic ritual anyway. It means I could give a shit about useless things like flowers, unless maybe if it's a black rose clenched in the teeth of one of those Celtic-vampire skulls you get at Museum Replicas which can then serve as a new decoration for my snake cage. But give me a new MP3 player or external hard drive for my Macbook and my heart will be all a-flutter!

Permalink Reply by Dallas the Phallus on August 15, 2009 at 4:12pm

I know so many others who will say, "Come on, overlook it, maybe he'll change, maybe you'll get used to it..."

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." —Albert Einstein

(My memory tells me that it was Oscar Wilde who wrote this quote, not Einstein, but I can't be sure, and I don't want to do an exhaustive internet search to clarify. The point of the quote is the interesting thing here.)

Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on August 15, 2009 at 4:25pm

And an awesome - and sadly true - quote it is.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on June 10, 2012 at 11:14am

Excellent line!

Permalink Reply by Herr G. on August 16, 2009 at 8:10am

Hello, another Asperger's here. I can definitely relate to your experience, except the fact that I preferred to teach people maths rather than do their homework for them, because I find it more enjoyable. In fact, I'd like to become a maths professor at university. It's the only job that I feel I can do well.

Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on August 28, 2009 at 12:15pm

Math professor - awesome job for an Aspie!

Permalink Reply by Mel Futrell on September 16, 2009 at 1:38pm

I can relate to 95% of your description of Aspergers, and many of the follow-on comments. Makes me wonder if I would be diagnosed as such. Then, second thoughts find me questioning what such knowledge would do for me, anyway...

Permalink Reply by Christopher Wilton on December 14, 2009 at 11:36am

A lot of that sounds familiar, especially the "What are you thinking/feeling?" question. I NEED to know, I need to be told, what am I psychic?! I'm SO lost with women its tragic!

Permalink Reply by Craigart14 on October 11, 2010 at 12:55pm

I quit answering that question a long time ago because my answers always came back at me days or weeks or months later, all sharpened and twisted. And usually from behind.

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on April 28, 2010 at 11:14pm

I am mostly similar to you (but probably too much younger than you, and I am not good advanced math like algebra and calculus which I never use anyway). I have never had any kind of relationship whatsoever. I did have two meetings which I thought were supposed to be dates, but the girl brought another man with her...met at least 50 nice looking girls but most would not give out their contact information and they wouldn't see me or agree to talk to me outside the events I met them at...talked to 5 women over the phone in my life but after 1-2 conversations they made themselves uncontactable...with two, one agreed that it would be nice to go bowling and the other agreed to play some card game(s), but later they said they already had a boyfriend...I learned that when I think girl might see me outside the place we meet, but won't agree on a specific time, I should not bother with her...

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