This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

Views: 2205

Replies to This Discussion

Ouch. Whenever I feel isolated as an Atheist in Northern AZ, I have to remember there are far less Atheist-friendly places out there.

Good luck to you. May we both find our needles in haystacks!
I hear ya Fred.

Start with available dating pool of single, straight guys.

Cut out the Theists.

Narrow the pool down to my age group.

Non-smokers, non-junkies.

Other elements of compatibility.

AND someone who can gel with an Aspie like me. I.e.; Low on drama, high on straightforwardness.

I'm left with not a lot of fish in my pool. Grrrrrrr.......
I'm honestly not sure why. I've been told I'm cute and funny. When I tell a girl I've never had a girlfriend before, they seem surprised and ask why. So I simply ask them "Would you date me?" And it's always, "No." And when I ask why, I get the same answer, "Because you're just a friend.". So, apparently, I'm friend material, but not boyfriend material. I don't really know what to do about that.
Im not really sure to be honest. It seems that I have recently turned into a socially awkward person when I first meet someone. This never use to be the case which makes me constantly analyze myself lately. I may not meet women I am interested in b/c of where I go out or where I work. Either way I dont approach someone I am interested in b/c I fell like Im being creepy when I do. I recently got out of the military and moved to south carolina. Here it seems that being 25 and not having children already and being atheist are rare attributes for someone not in college around here. Is there any alternative to meeting people in church or the bar? I donno. -justin
"Here it seems that being 25 and not having children already and being atheist are rare attributes for someone not in college around here." DITTO in Louisiana.
Here it seems that being 25 and not having children already and being atheist are rare attributes for someone not in college around here.

Ditto for most parts of America I believe. I think my parents died (and some family members still live) seriously suspecting I'm a Lesbian for still being single and childless by 40. And because I'm a major tomboy.

Is there any alternative to meeting people in church or the bar? I donno.

Don't know here either. My Dad once suggested I pretend to be Christian and join a church to meet people. Why would I want to pretend to be something I'm not to meet people I wouldn't get along with ideologically? And the bar scene carries zero appeal for me.

Met my last two boyfriends at scifi conventions. Maybe I need to go to more of those?

;-)
That last fourth line you just said is a clear red flag, and ties in neatly with your first, second and third sentences. You probably don't realize this is even happening at all, if you are now gravitating to men who are married, finding only such men to be attractive, that's your unconscious' deliberate way of preventing yourself from hooking up again and thereby getting hurt again, by aiming only for men who are already unavailable. Take my word for it, your consciousness is doing this on purpose. So if you ever really want to find someone, you must force yourself to consciously, deliberately, break this pattern.
There's also the powerful psychological illusion that something that is less available is more attractive than something that is fully available. That force is also at play here, above and beyond what I said earlier on this wall.
I'm single because I just haven't met too many girls who are willing to be with an atheist who's also a huge geek. I've tried a lot of dating sites with no luck. I don't think I'm a bad-looking guy. I have a steady job and I'm pretty well-rounded, and I've got some decent goals for the future. I'm a romantic person and I don't do the casual sex. So beyond that I don't know what it would take to make me "marriage material." Seems to me that I'm more than halfway there, at least.
"I'm single because I just haven't met too many girls who are willing to be with an atheist who's also a huge geek."

*Raises hand and jumps up and down*
Here! Geek! Into other geeks! We do exist!

- My last two boyfriends I met at SciFi conventions.

- I don't own a dress but if I got invited to a period costume party right this second I have a whole closetfull of 15th-19th century to choose from.

- As I type this, it's going on 3am: Been obsessively working on Web Design for the last 7 hours straight.

Looking at your profile, I fear I'm out of your age range. But take heart! I know from my convention-crawling that I'm not the only girl-geek out there! ;-)
she apparently does not know how to function too well in the real world and expected me to be her "daddy" on that score.

*Shudder*

Growing up with way too many female 'role models' in TV and film who needed a man to complete them, save the day, give her purpose in life ... I decided very early in childhood to be self-sufficient. A partner to play with in bed, share fun stories with, have intelligent discussions with, and yes a shoulder to cry on at times would be awesome. But I sooooooo don't need or want a daddy figure.
There are a few reasons I can think of...

Recent relationships have left an impression on me.

I have been a loner most of my life anyhow, why should that change now?

Future plans, such as joining the Peace Corps and obtaining my graduate degree out of state.

Plus I find social situations awkward and really don't know how to make small talk, but even when I do I find most girls aren't really attracted to the conversations I find interesting. I guess I am just to much of a nerd.

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