Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Shannon Equality Barber on June 15, 2012 at 9:22pm

David, I feel your pain. I keep looking for a lesbian atheist. But my advice- DO NOT cave to dating theists. I did until the last one, and every time they ran me nuts. I finally got to the point where I'd rather be single.

Permalink Reply by David Philip Norris on June 16, 2012 at 12:34pm

Thanks, Shannon. No, I dated a few theists even after coming out. Some of them are nice guys, but I came to the realization that it really doesn't work. One of the last guys I dated semi-seriously, his father was diagnosed with malignant stomach cancer, and he was understandably distraught. And I was powerless to help because he needed someone to pray with him, and I couldn't be that guy for him. A few months prior to that, my sister went into the hospital with some serious health problems and my mom was upset when she asked me to pray (even though she knows that I'm an atheist) and I told her that I couldn't. Until you're outside of it, you really don't realize how differently theists and nontheists view the world. We deal with blessing and grief in disparate ways. Plus, it was important for him to go to church as a couple, and I really wasn't interested in that.

So no, no more theists for me. Actually, the big reason why I finally became an atheist is because for about a year I was in essentially a friends-with-benefits relationship with a young pastor who was starting a progressive church geared towards the GLBT community. This is the reason why the movie Bridesmaids ended up depressing me, because my relationship with this guy was exactly like Kristen Wiig's relationship with Jon Hamm's character. I was in love, and he was not. (And let me tell you: gay Christian have some really messed up sexual ethics.) When he told me (on my birthday) that he'd met someone else and just wanted to go back to being friends, I realized that he was the only reason I'd stuck around the church at all. And that was it! I went from being a quasi-leftish Christian to being Christopher Hitchens overnight.

Sorry, that's probably oversharing...

Permalink Reply by Shannon Equality Barber on June 19, 2012 at 11:57am

Nah, I'll overshare too, we'll h ave a balance! And that is my point, we DO view the world way differently. For one thing, many of them either a) believe they can change us or b) don't think religion should be a dealbreaker. This last one fell into the latter category.

Now, she knew about my painful past with organized religion. I went to ex gay therapy, the whole 9 yards. I hate that shit with a passion. I did research into religion, 3 1/2 years worth, to find my own version of truth, and to escape my upbringing. I came out of it a hardline atheist. It was just like, she couldn't accept that not only do I not believe that stuff, but I really don't like it. She insisted it wasn't her beliefs I found harmful, but the organized stuff that persecuted gays so. Anyway, I caved. She went from being spiritual but not religious to being a brazen advertisement for some pentacostal racket run by a couple of lesbians down in Florida, to wanting to find a gay affirming church when we moved to San Francisco together. Obviously, the further down this path we went, the more troubled I became. 

Couple that with the fact that there was a meddling ex that had her Facebook login information, as well as financial information that I didn't have, well, more red flags. This girl was an old flame who she said that god had put into her life because they needed each other. She also said god had called her to marry some man so he could stay in the  country. 

Moral of the story is this: their beliefs influence every. single. aspect. of their lives, always. There is just no way around that. For an atheist to date or marry a theist is just ludicrous, unless you really are ok with that god bothering.

And yes, gay Christians (I've slept with my share of them) and sex? Um, no. Just the weirdo guilt and sin and all that. IDK. I mean it's bad enough for any atheist to have to put up with that stuff at all, but, when you add LGBT to the mix, you get into the crazy mental gymnastics they've done to be both queer and Christian and be ok with that.

Permalink Reply by northern lights on June 25, 2012 at 1:56pm

being atheist in Pakistan diminishes your chances of getting a date manifold.

Permalink Reply by Jessica Chen on August 8, 2012 at 10:13am

I don't know why I'm still single. No one likes me I guess. I'm not your typical gorgeous looking girl. Nearly 18, still single, but I don't really care. I don't think I would do well in a relationship anyways

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 9, 2012 at 1:31am

Eh, gorgeous-looking girls are far from typical.  Most girls look kind of average ... kind of by definition.

More to the point, any guy who only wants a girl who looks like a model isn't a guy you want.  I mean there has to be some level of attraction, but after you've got that, it shouldn't matter how gorgeous a girl is.  If you have one girl who is kind of cute and appealing and another girl who's just ridiculously attractive ... I don't care.  They're both starting about on par, when i see who I like more, intellectually and emotionally.

I can't really offer an opinion, in your specific case, of course, since I have no idea what you look like.

What makes you say that you wouldn't do well in a relationship?

Permalink Reply by ryan leman on August 9, 2012 at 2:34pm

lets see, im single because i haven't found any woman remotely close to what i would love. my vision of my girl is exactly like me as far as mindset and why she would do the things she would do but i have no standard on what she does only the whys. my personality i have on the "about me" ill put it on here just need the room. but basically iv met no one who has the same mental processing like i do which now has led me to think that my personality is so odd that there simply isn't someone close enough like me for me to find my love which is very depressing to think about but yah im about to put up my "about me" and if you want message me

Permalink Reply by ryan leman on August 9, 2012 at 2:35pm

my "about me" (in sort im a laveyan satanist which is a form of atheism its basically atheism with no moral values if you want ask me about it) now what sets me apart, my personality can be described as brutally honest, always uses pure logic, black hearted (never have had a real connection to anyone really saddens me to think about it so don't take it as tough guy additude i envy those who find that connection), because im pure logically minded i have no moral values for moral sake, couldn't care less on traditional values, trends, social norms, and opinions of what others think of me and also i have never accepted a delusion as truth to hide from a painful truth. i live to increase my emotional well being and i only see (and highly respect) my body only as a vessel that allows me to do what i want. im an open book (i will talk about ANYTHING no matter how "private" or contraversal the subject) and im very social who loves to be doing something and i have a large sence of humor.

Permalink Reply by Kelly M on August 16, 2012 at 11:38am

I live in the "buy bull" belt....while there are pockets of like minded people in my neck of the woods, none tend to be in my age group, or if they are, there is just no attraction.  I've been accused of being too picky, or setting my standards entirely too high....(wtf? I just know by now, what I can deal with, and what I can't.  That's all...sheesh!)  Being an atheist in the deep South....not so easy.  Dating.....for an atheist intellectual....yeah...um...I don't date much...at all.....

Permalink Reply by Kacie Tsao on September 10, 2012 at 2:06pm

Because I'm just awkward like that, hurr hurr~

I've never been in a relationship before, and I'm hesitant about getting into something that I would have no idea how to deal with.  Also, I have issues.  Not commitment issues, but more like, "OMG I've finally realized that you're flirting with me!  Are you flirting with me?  You're flirting with me!  Shit.  And I was flirting back.  Great.  Now I'm going to freeze up and pretend I never noticed and my twitchy behavior is going to freak you out and you're going to think I hate you when I actually kinda like you but just have no idea how to express myself and everything is going to be awkward.  Yay."

Yes, that is my issue.  Or, basically, I'm uber-cautious, live in my head, and have a tendency to back off from emotionally intense situations so I can gain some objective distance to analyze them.  Then I get scared and run away before anything can come of it.

Also, once upon a time in 8th grade, a friend asked me out and I laughed in his face because I thought he was joking.  Oops.

Permalink Reply by Jason Spicer on September 10, 2012 at 3:37pm

You know, Kacie, if you actually said that out loud, that might work for a lot of people. You're not the only one with issues like that. Though it's possible I've watched way too many sitcoms...

Permalink Reply by Kacie Tsao on September 10, 2012 at 6:25pm

After much self-reflection, I've come to the conclusion that trying to get a date with me would be like trying to coax a skittish rodent-thing (like a mole rat?) out of its burrow with a peanut.  Though I have no idea what I've been watching too much of to think in terms of burrowing rodents...

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