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Why are you single?

This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on April 3, 2012 at 1:35pm

Depends what you mean about the financial side. According to my sister-in-law (who is Filipino), there's a big problem with men in their 20's, in the Philippines, who expect to be able to mooch off of their girlfriend. If you just mean that you'd like a college-educated guy or someone in a trade that makes decent money (like a plumber or electrician, maybe), then no worries. That's not to much to hope for.

Can't blame you on the age thing, either. Some guys are ready to settle down in their 20's, but I think they're uncommon. As a guy, I also have no problems with girls who like guys 5 to 15 years older. Can't complain. ^.^

Sucks, being an atheist in the Philippines, though. What do you do? Aren't Catholics something like 99% of the population?

Permalink Reply by Atheist on April 6, 2012 at 11:35pm

I'm single because I just am. Not that I want to be but it's because I can't find the right woman. I don't have high standards, so I believe. I just want a down to earth woman who is funny, caring, loving, beautiful both inside and out, great personality, who works and is financially stable and who is an Atheist (Not quite important but I have never been with an Atheist Woman). I always hit 2 out of that list and it's always just the ones that aren't that important I get stuck with. Sounds like such an easy thing to find but it's harder then it looks. This is something I'd have to pray to the flying spaghetti monster for.

Permalink Reply by Michael OL on April 9, 2012 at 5:25pm

My story: I’m going through a divorce (so, not technically single) and have been separated from my future ex-wife for about 7 months. Why? Because after 8+ years of happily childless marriage, she suddenly got the craving to have children, and since I took medical steps to preclude that possibility, she announced that we must divorce. In the past few months, I have casually dabbled in various attempts at dating, but have been completely unsuccessful. The reasons?

Most people my age are married. So the odds of running across unmarried (single, separated, divorced, widowed) people are fairly low.
I’ve asked numerous friends to set me up, but for various reasons, the total number of such introductions has been zero.
Online, the only serious responses to my personal ads have been from Christians – and they immediately scatter when I express my lack of religious affiliation (I don’t mention “atheist”; that’s too truculent in the broader culture!).
Most women (and most men!) have a deep, non-negotiable desire to have children. I would consider a relationship with a woman who already has kids, if they’re past a certain age. But expressing childless preferences is mortifying to most women.
As an engineer, most of whose social circle is fellow engineers and scientists, the demographics are unfavorable. It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated profession.

Now having had some distance to reflect on what failed in our marriage, I realize that I “settled” for a woman who was not my type. I mean no disparaging remarks against her – and indeed, even though in some sense she betrayed me, I wish her the best in her future endeavors and in her aim to achieve fulfillment through motherhood. Rather, the point is that having been an awkward, reclusive young man, lacking poise and confidence, I jumped at the first instance where a woman would treat me seriously, without observing the distinct difference in personality, preferences, values and the like. Ultimately my wife left me not because we quarreled (we hardly ever did), but because her world-view was incompatible with mine, and we were too stubborn and insufficiently communicative to accommodate one another. That awkward young man was in the 1990s. Today I’m more middle-aged than young, but am still awkward and reclusive. In my profession I’ve established a reputation as a fairly assertive speaker, and have been privileged to be a successful mentor to the more junior employees in our organization. But sadly, professional-communication skills do not convey to personal-communication skills. But the largest difference of all, is that in professional life, one’s demonstration of competency (such as through scientific publications) forms a sort of introduction, a large part of the first-impression. It’s eminently useful to be friendly, cheerful, responsive, poised and the like; but these are peripherals. In personal life, the peripherals are the main attraction. How one comports oneself is more important than what one actually has to say. But again, the biggest problem is just “getting out there”… how to advertise oneself, how to announce one’s existence without flippancy or excessive sales-pressure, and yet being able to reach one’s audience.

Permalink Reply by Selina Mannion on May 22, 2012 at 6:16pm

I am single because my first fiance left me, the second one cheated on me, and ever since then I can only find men who want one night stands.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on May 22, 2012 at 10:33pm

*blink*

Whoah. What's wrong with the men in your area? Where are you meeting all of these guys who only want one-night stands? I know you can sometimes get the idiot factor. If you're attractive enough, most guys won't ask you out, because they shoot themselves down before they can even work up the confidence to approach you. The only ones who end up asking you out are the player pricks.

Not that there's anything wrong with a one-night stand, if that's what you're looking for. Just seems shallow to me.

Permalink Reply by Michael on May 29, 2012 at 9:38pm

I would have to agree with Joseph on this one. If players are really all you're meeting, then you need to stop finding guys under rocks and make it clear to the majority of good men that you are in fact interested in them.

Most women I've encountered who complained that they couldn't meet any decent guys, simply had to learn to stop ignoring the ones that surrounded them.

Permalink Reply by Terry on May 24, 2012 at 10:18am

I would say that being single at this point in my life is due to statistical probability. Living in Kentucky as a proud atheist is pretty much repellant to most women in this state. Also, I'm not the most in shape guy, but I do have a good job and have my own place, but I work third shift which barely gives me any time to meet anyone. Also, being liberal doesn't help much in Kentucky either.

At this point in my life, I am warming myself to the fact that being single has its upsides. I don't have children (and I'm becoming increasingly opposed to having them year by year). I have no one to answer to and I have good friends. While it does get a little lonely once in a while, going on dates with different people the past two years has been lukewarm at best. I mean honestly, who wants to put in the effort to get to know a 26 year old, 3rd-shift, lab tech for a food company who lives alone? And who also likes board games and stand-up comedy...

Permalink Reply by Sarah on June 6, 2012 at 11:25pm

I have no idea why I'm single. I haven't had a date since August. Prior to that, I'd had about 5 dates in 18 months and they were all total duds. Just today, yet another friend suggested that this is somehow my fault. So who knows what I'm doing wrong, but apparently I was born with a powerful man-repellant.

Permalink Reply by Harridan20 on June 7, 2012 at 9:37pm

I'm single because my dating deal breakers are unique. I'm looking for someone who is childfree, doesn't want kids, is an atheist, and doesn't want to get married.

I suppose I'm asking for a lot in a match.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on June 7, 2012 at 9:58pm

I dunno. i wouldn't think you would have that many problems with that set of parameters. Lots of guys are immature and can't handle raising kids, I imagine. ^.^

I flip flop a lot on the kids issue, myself. Sometimes i really want kids, and other times, I'm not sure I have the energy or commitment. No problem with never getting married, either. I'd be worried about legal rights, but there are documents to take care of that.

Permalink Reply by Michael OL on June 7, 2012 at 10:08pm

Well, I fit Harridan20's description, and I'm available.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on June 7, 2012 at 10:14pm

Wow, and you're actually only about 150 miles apart. Usually, any random two people are at least 1,000 miles apart.