This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

Views: 2190

Replies to This Discussion

Maruli: I think the right word you're looking for is "Intellectual"--naturalness would imply that he's not using deodorant, doesn't shave or groom, and doesn't use products that he hasn't made himself--think hippie. Naturalistic would be akin to how a nudist is. Now, body modification--and you seem to be bundling basic hygiene like haircuts and soap use into body modification, which makes no sense to me--in with intellectual and bookishness, which they have nothing to do with one another and are mutually exclusive--you can be intellectual and have body piercings, and you can be completely 'natural' and not even read the label for your hemp shoes. Being 'natural' is completely seperate from what you're looking for, and outward appearance has nothing to do with the mental state of someone.

 

I'm sorry if I seem a bit harsh, but this is a major pet peeve of mine. I've had a ton of people assume that I'm stupid(IQ of 144), lazy(I actually run the house for my mom, who works full time), and that I go through buckets of frosting each day(I cannot TELL you the last time I had desserts--last night was grilled cheese and fresh apples). This is assumed because that's what they see when they look at me. It's been assumed that I don't read, and that I am basically the representation of fat people on the news---a  headless body with a gaping maw that shovels up everything in sight. It's completely ignorant, arrogant, and belittles me as a human being.

Tying in someone's 'body modifications'(if they cut their hair and use deodorant) with them being intellectual is wrong--naturalness does not apply to mindfulness, intellect, or intelligence--it's tied closer to a fashion statement than a philosophical movement.

So you can say you want a guy without body modifications, who doesn't use deodorant, non-natural clothes, and doesn't eat non-natural foods--but keep that seperate from the proper definition of your second thing:

Intelligence, scholarship, bookishness, philosopher: Reads a lot, thinks a lot, ponders life, it's questions, and it's mysteries.

I've met too many hippies who are empty-headed to assume that all people who don't use deodorant are philosophers. There's plenty of people with tattoos and are 'non-natural' who are deep and intellectual people. You don't get to tie in being a hippie with having a high intellect--those are two separate things.

 

Ironically definition 34 of "Natural" is "an idiot".

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/naturalness

Body-modification changes the body, shaving is a body-modfication.   Cleaning, hygiene and deo does not change anything. 

Intellectual does not include the preference, what is wasted time.   So whatever word would be right, I like people, who for intellectual reasons do not waste time and money on modifying their body.  

Hygiene is consideration for others.    Not being bothered about modifying the body is a strictly personal choice, which I appreciate in a man. 

 

I'm either too picky or there just plain isn't anyone out there for me. The things I look for in a woman are pretty basic, but finding them all in one person ... well, it's never happened.

One of them is intelligence, and I don't just mean being an atheist. I mean really being actually smart, having interests and hobbies in some art or science. Most of the women I've met in my life literally do nothing except watch TV or go to the bar. I can't be with a girl who's prime motivation is to "go shopping." I'd rather die in my sleep by asphyxiating on my own vomit then spend my life with someone that bores the hell out of me and has nothing to talk about that I even remotely want to hear.

Another thing I want in someone is a humor that works with my own. I've got a quirky sense of humor, and finding people that think I'm funny is rare. Rarer still are people that *I* find funny. Humor is one of the most important things to me in life.

Another thing I require in a mate is that she be loyal. I once met someone that I thought was perfect for me - she was really smart, close to graduating from a university with a degree in microbiology. She was gorgeous, and made me laugh like nobody I'd ever known; and to top it all off she was atheist. She was perfect... until she cheated on her bf with me. It was a complicated matter, but I deluded myself into thinking that it was forgivable because I wanted to be with her. Sine then I've been leery of everyone. Loyalty is an absolute requirement.

And so lastly, we have to be attracted to one another - obviously. I shouldn't have to explain that one lol.

So all combined, these *basic* things I need makes finding "miss right" just plain impossible.

I'm single because I live in the USA....its just safer. I bought into the marriage stuff for about 8 years, but then my ex wanted to live like Lohan while we had kids...sooooo out the door I went. Been single for about 4 or 5 years now, and its been kind to me.

Because with every partner I've ever had, feminism and opportunism leaves me behind in the dust for some guy with a bigger bank account.  Never had someone stick with me through the rough times.  Oh well.  

We all go through that women want a guy with money and men want a model trophy. With society the way it is I'm not surprised by the amount of Atheist's married or in a relationsip with religious people because Atheist's are so rare to find because we hide due to the sigma attached to being an atheist. So we find comfort in what we can find. We just settle for less then what we deserve.

Personals sites help a lot with that.  You can actually filter people for things like theism, rather than meeting a dozen people in a club and maybe one of them being an atheist.

I'm single because i am chubby and I have a high standards in men - practically on the financial side, not totally a gold digger but im just being practical.

At the age of 20, I'm much serious in handling long-time relationship but now I ended up alone and single. WOW. I guess, I need to change myself a little bit to have a better partner in life. Honestly, I like Older guys from 25-36, because they are more establish and easier to please than the guys who's with the same age or so.

Depends what you mean about the financial side.  According to my sister-in-law (who is Filipino), there's a big problem with men in their 20's, in the Philippines, who expect to be able to mooch off of their girlfriend.  If you just mean that you'd like a college-educated guy or someone in a trade that makes decent money (like a plumber or electrician, maybe), then no worries.  That's not to much to hope for.

 

Can't blame you on the age thing, either.  Some guys are ready to settle down in their 20's, but I think they're uncommon.  As a guy, I also have no problems with girls who like guys 5 to 15 years older.  Can't complain.  ^.^

 

Sucks, being an atheist in the Philippines, though.  What do you do?  Aren't Catholics something like 99% of the population?

I'm single because I just am. Not that I want to be but it's because I can't find the right woman. I don't have high standards, so I believe. I just want a down to earth woman who is funny, caring, loving, beautiful both inside and out, great personality, who works and is financially stable and who is an Atheist (Not quite important but I have never been with an Atheist Woman). I always hit 2 out of that list and it's always just the ones that aren't that important I get stuck with. Sounds like such an easy thing to find but it's harder then it looks. This is something I'd have to pray to the flying spaghetti monster for.

My story: I’m going through a divorce (so, not technically single) and have been separated from my future ex-wife for about 7 months.  Why?  Because after 8+ years of happily childless marriage, she suddenly got the craving to have children, and since I took medical steps to preclude that possibility, she announced that we must divorce.  In the past few months, I have casually dabbled in various attempts at dating, but have been completely unsuccessful.  The reasons?

 

  1. Most people my age are married.  So the odds of running across unmarried (single, separated, divorced, widowed) people are fairly low.
  2. I’ve asked numerous friends to set me up, but for various reasons, the total number of such introductions has been zero.
  3. Online, the only serious responses to my personal ads have been from Christians – and they immediately scatter when I express my lack of religious affiliation (I don’t mention “atheist”; that’s too truculent in the broader culture!).
  4. Most women (and most men!) have a deep, non-negotiable desire to have children.  I would consider a relationship with a woman who already has kids, if they’re past a certain age.  But expressing childless preferences is mortifying to most women.
  5. As an engineer, most of whose social circle is fellow engineers and scientists, the demographics are unfavorable.  It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated profession.

 

Now having had some distance to reflect on what failed in our marriage, I realize that I “settled” for a woman who was not my type.  I mean no disparaging remarks against her – and indeed, even though in some sense she betrayed me, I wish her the best in her future endeavors and in her aim to achieve fulfillment through motherhood.  Rather, the point is that having been an awkward, reclusive young man, lacking poise and confidence, I jumped at the first instance where a woman would treat me seriously, without observing the distinct difference in personality, preferences, values and the like.  Ultimately my wife left me not because we quarreled (we hardly ever did), but because her world-view was incompatible with mine, and we were too stubborn and insufficiently communicative to accommodate one another.  That awkward young man was in the 1990s.  Today I’m more middle-aged than young, but am still awkward and reclusive.  In my profession I’ve established a reputation as a fairly assertive speaker, and have been privileged to be a successful mentor to the more junior employees in our organization.  But sadly, professional-communication skills do not convey to personal-communication skills.  But the largest difference of all, is that in professional life, one’s demonstration of competency (such as through scientific publications) forms a sort of introduction, a large part of the first-impression.  It’s eminently useful to be friendly, cheerful, responsive, poised and the like; but these are peripherals.  In personal life, the peripherals are the main attraction.  How one comports oneself is more important than what one actually has to say.  But again, the biggest problem is just “getting out there”… how to advertise oneself, how to announce one’s existence without flippancy or excessive sales-pressure, and yet being able to reach one’s audience.

I am single because my first fiance left me, the second one cheated on me, and ever since then I can only find men who want one night stands.

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