This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

Views: 2287

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Hmm, guess I'm weird.  My girlfriend dragged me into bed.  I didn't want to push the issue of sex too early in the relationship.  Mind you, once I get the go-ahead, my libido is a bit over the top.


I ... guess ... I can see what you mean about dating/sex with fat chicks.  I dunno.  I guess I need to associate with more assholes, so that I'll encounter that more.

Oh, I do have a libido, but I'm not going to have sex with someone...just to have sex with someone. I can't be attracted to someone if I can't have a good conversation with them.


Lol, you seem like someone who cares less about social standing/the social ladder than many of the guys I've met in college--I ran into one opinion again and again--that they were "too good" now that they were in college, to date a fat girl like me. Even if they were fat themselves. Even if we had lots in common and he seemed to enjoy talking to me--He was just "too high up" on the social ladder to bother dating me. It's quite cruel, but that's how I was treated many times--it's why I often wasn't invited places or to parties, because I didn't have high status--one of my exes would always get invited and go alone, because his social status was higher than mine.

Human social status is honestly heartless, and no one seemed to care that I was a person with ideas and an intelligent mind--all that mattered was that I was fat, and thus lower on the ladder of social treatment. It was also interesting to see much more attractive girls who had no nerdy interests whatsoever show up to anime/nerd things and get treated like goddesses.

Well yeah, sex is mostly about making my partner feel good, as far as I'm concerned.  If I don't care enough about someone to spend the time and effort on her orgasms, then I'll just go masturbate.

I'm not necessarily all that restrictive.  I have a few platonic, female friends with whom I would have sex, if they were at all interested.  That would fall within 'caring enough about her'.  I'm not sleeping with any of my friends, but I wouldn't be specifically opposed to the idea.

Meeting a girl in a bar, having sex with her, then tossing her, though?  Yeah, not my idea of fun.

Conversation is definitely key, too.  You wouldn't believe some of the subjects that have come up during pillow-talk.  Boring pillow-talk is boring.


Yeah, I don't give a damn what most people think about me.  Anyone who cares about that sort of social-status bullshit isn't someone whose opinion I'm likely to value.

I'll take the sort-of-cute geek-girl over the less mentally-interesting model any day.

Pillow-talk before has consisted of Mars Colonies and Anti-lightsaber armor. Just FYI.


See, part of the sadness is--I was interested in guys in college, and then being turned down for that reason--it honestly lowered my opinion of them. Not because I was rejected, but because they were rejecting me for shallow, puerile reasons. I could honestly see if we had nothing in common or if he didn't know me, but when I've chatted to him for like a month and suddenly it's "No, you're too ugly for me to date."(none of them say this, though, they always give me some bullshit like 'we just don't mesh well' or 'there's not a special spark between us.')

FUUUUUUUUUU now I don't respect them anymore. Of course, I still talk to them occasionally, because I have so few friends to begin with.

Boy, it's amazing to me how similar experiences can be.  

I get the same thing from the women I meet - they love talking to me, but as soon as they see a picture, and realize that I don't look like a movie star, it's backpedalling time.  

Interestingly, a few are actually honest enough to come right out and say, "You're a great guy but you're just not good looking enough for me."  

It's a bummer, of course, but at least I find it better than getting a stupidly-obvious lie, like "There's just no chemistry". (Oh, yeah? There sure was before you knew what I looked like!)

Here is a woman's very different opinion about looks:

I accept the looks of a man, if he does not modify the natural state of his body.   He does not shave but has a beard, he does not have any disgusting tattoos or piercings, he has not made himself overweight by eating too much.    He has not muscles like a stud.  

I have never rejected the contact with someone, who is natural.   But I reject them for self-modification.   

I get the stupidly obvious lies about 99% of the time--

"I just don't feel anything special or magical between us."

"There's just no spark with our relationship."

(Means: I don't feel like I'm winning a prize by talking to you.)

"I don't feel butterflies when I talk to you."

(means: There are more attractive girls for me to fantasize about having sex with around.)

And the best one:

"I have many levels, and you only have a few."

(Means: I think you're shallow for not realizing that I deserve a better-looking sex partner)

I've had multiple people go "it's not good to be bitter about things like this." and I always say "I'm NOT bitter, I am upset that people think I'm too stupid to see straight through their complete and utter lies--to the real reason they're rejecting me." Which they assume it's bitterness--when really this is more of an indirect insult to my intelligence. Like I won't REALIZE a day later that a guy who turned me down because he "couldn't deal with a relationship right now" has a girlfriend?


And I will talk to a guy as long as his message isn't "let's fcuk" or ".....mmm." or something. I usually check the profile before I make a final judgment. If it's full of Nascar, Football, Raised Trucks, Muddin', and Bible verses(LOATHE EVERY ONE OF THESE THINGS) I pass--we've obviously got nothing in common and it'd never work anyways. I used to reply to these guys with " you have a single thing in common with me?" and they always got extremely angry so I just delete them now. I -was giving- them a chance to say "oh yeah I totally love Doctor Who and Stargate." or something--but nope. Just bitched at me and said I was a whore most of the time. Ah well.

Maruli: You are a very exceptional person. 


Jonel: I agree completely.  I was surprised that there are so many females who are rabid football & baseball fans (I can't stand sports) and I get the same crap that you do, regarding stupid attempts to disguise the obvious.

Yes, I understand that it's human nature to lie, but I wish they would at least bother to do it well. 

"I just don't feel anything special or magical between us."

"There's just no spark with our relationship."

(Means: I don't feel like I'm winning a prize by talking to you.)

Eh, maybe; maybe not.  Don't you remember getting the light-headed, tunnel-vision effect when you're with someone, because you're so deliriously infatuated?  Those guys are probably just coming down off of the hormones of their teen years and don't realize that that doesn't have to happen for a girl to be worth dating and being with.

They're immature, certainly, but perhaps not lying.  They have this absurd concept of falling in love that only lasts until their body develops a resistance to the new hormones.


Either way, though, they're emotionally retarded, and you don't want to date them.


And the best one:

"I have many levels, and you only have a few."

(Means: I think you're shallow for not realizing that I deserve a better-looking sex partner)

What the fuck does that even mean?  Did the guy specifically use the word 'levels'?  Maybe he's a WoW nerd.


I -was giving- them a chance to say "oh yeah I totally love Doctor Who and Stargate." or something--but nope. Just bitched at me and said I was a whore most of the time. Ah well.

Yeah, you seriously need to get away from Alabama.  Too many rednecks per capita.

Maruili: See, I'm the exact opposite. I have no problem with tattoos, piercings, shaving, or growing beards or grooming facial hair into a soul patch or whatever. I have guaged ears and I want a tattoo eventually.

I wouldn't like for a guy to reject me because I dye my hair or wear a bra.


Joseph: He wasn't a WoW nerd, and some of these guys passed puberty 7 years ago and still replied like that. It's not an excuse, and yeah, I don't need to date them anyways, but I wish they -weren't- emotionally the age of a 12 year old boy, you know?

And yeah, I need to move out of Alabama. The amount of people who assume I'll have sex with them because "fat girls enjoy any attention whatsoever because they never get any."--it's exponentially higher here. Which is sad, because we're actually one of the fattest states--and yet we're also one of the states that treats fat people less like 'real humans'.

Naturalness is not about looks.  It is the contrary.  It is a very important personality trait.   Naturalness means, that somebody does not bother to waste any time, money or effort on his exterior.   A natural person prefers to cultivate the mind, the intellect.   Naturalness means to prefer to look into a book and not into a mirror.   So I am looking for a partner, who shares naturalness.

Maruli: I think the right word you're looking for is "Intellectual"--naturalness would imply that he's not using deodorant, doesn't shave or groom, and doesn't use products that he hasn't made himself--think hippie. Naturalistic would be akin to how a nudist is. Now, body modification--and you seem to be bundling basic hygiene like haircuts and soap use into body modification, which makes no sense to me--in with intellectual and bookishness, which they have nothing to do with one another and are mutually exclusive--you can be intellectual and have body piercings, and you can be completely 'natural' and not even read the label for your hemp shoes. Being 'natural' is completely seperate from what you're looking for, and outward appearance has nothing to do with the mental state of someone.


I'm sorry if I seem a bit harsh, but this is a major pet peeve of mine. I've had a ton of people assume that I'm stupid(IQ of 144), lazy(I actually run the house for my mom, who works full time), and that I go through buckets of frosting each day(I cannot TELL you the last time I had desserts--last night was grilled cheese and fresh apples). This is assumed because that's what they see when they look at me. It's been assumed that I don't read, and that I am basically the representation of fat people on the news---a  headless body with a gaping maw that shovels up everything in sight. It's completely ignorant, arrogant, and belittles me as a human being.

Tying in someone's 'body modifications'(if they cut their hair and use deodorant) with them being intellectual is wrong--naturalness does not apply to mindfulness, intellect, or intelligence--it's tied closer to a fashion statement than a philosophical movement.

So you can say you want a guy without body modifications, who doesn't use deodorant, non-natural clothes, and doesn't eat non-natural foods--but keep that seperate from the proper definition of your second thing:

Intelligence, scholarship, bookishness, philosopher: Reads a lot, thinks a lot, ponders life, it's questions, and it's mysteries.

I've met too many hippies who are empty-headed to assume that all people who don't use deodorant are philosophers. There's plenty of people with tattoos and are 'non-natural' who are deep and intellectual people. You don't get to tie in being a hippie with having a high intellect--those are two separate things.


Ironically definition 34 of "Natural" is "an idiot".


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