This seems to contradict your statement below:
I do not want to be single.
Are you ambivalent about it?
Yep! Same boat; here's a paddle. :)
Online dating is extremely... ... ... at least for me, there's small pickin's. But maybe you'd have better luck! :)
I've heard of some atheists forming groups at UU churches. Not sure how that works, really, but I guess if you're in a community that isn't big enough for an alliance or foundation to be established, it'd be a start...
Kelly, I'm a little puzzled. your statement:
I don't do bars and clubs since I'm not in my 20s anymore...I refuse to do online dating sites, so here I am
- makes it appear as if those are the only possible ways to meet people. Is there some reason you want to avoid any of the other alternatives?
I ask because your statement makes it sound like there's something else going on that you haven't mentioned.
I am single for statistical reasons:
The following are rough estimates.
From 100.000 men in my age group (I am 62):
30 % are neither in a relationship nor entangled in an emotional harem of ex-partners converted into pseudo-friends.
10 % are childfree, with no progeny of any age and no pets
20 % may have at least spent some years at a college or university, with or without a degree
10 % are atheists and skeptics, who are not gullible to irrational claims of any kind, and share basic attitudes and a leaning towards leftist thinking
25% are innately monogamous and non-promiscuous
66% do not have any hazardous habit, like smoking, excessive drinking, overeating or a dangerous hobby like riding a motorcycle.
10% are mature, responsible, sincere, able to commit, egalitarian, capable to make a relationship emotionally beneficial for a woman and they share some interests and tastes with me.
==> 1 suitable and compatible partner.
1.) Bad area. I currently live in a rural area and every guy expects me to either drive 2-3 hours to visit him to see if he "approves of me" to date--on top of there not being any guys close by who are atheist, intelligent, or otherwise.
2.)I am overweight, happy being overweight, happy with the way I look, and not desperate for attention/a guy to date. Most guys don't want a girl confident with her body and how she looks, nor do they want someone as outspoken and confident as I am--it'd be different if I constantly put myself down and was trying a 500 calorie diet to get a size 4--then I might drag in a few dudes, but at this size, and being happy with this size? Most of the time, the only guys interested in me at first look are chubby chasers looking for a one-night partner to fulfill their fetish.
Which leads to:
3.) I want a long-term, monogamous, equal relationship. I don't want a one night stand, I want a best friend who I happen to get nude with sometimes--that's what I want, which, of course, means I'm not just looking for someone who finds me attractive--I'm looking for someone I find mentally attractive, personable, someone to travel with and share an apartment with--I'm also big on conversation, and I tend to have a wide variety of interests---I'd want to share quite a bit of them with anyone I date. Anime, Movies, Tv shows, books--even bookbinding, writing, and knitting would be awesome to share with someone--but many times I don't find guys who go beyond video games and tv shows, when I really like hobbies that produce something tangible.
4.) I'm highly opinionated. If a guy says "I don't like such and such." and I fucking love such and such--I will fucking tell him--I love that shit! What are your reasons for not liking it? I've done this with sushi, tv shows, etc--and I'm also the same for anything that's flipside--if he loves something, and I think it's foolish and mocks me or a group I don't think is joke material(racist, sizist, sexist), I will not only tell him I don't like it, but I'll usually give specific examples as well as ways to make it better. Most guys REALLY don't like this, especially when it comes to things like The Big Bang Theory or Prochoice/Prolife arguments(I have ripped INTO people over misinformed prolife arguments before). Women traditionally do not have the role of argument--at least not about important things(oh no my haaiiir), and when I argue about important things I've had guys get honestly upset because it's -me- that's arguing--when I know if it was a guy arguing it, it'd be okay.
5.) I've got a 'large' personality. I'm loud, opinionated, I stand my ground, and I refuse to agree with someone just to make them happy, I am not a stereotypical female who is quiet and goes along with what her girlfriends want her to do, or what everyone else is doing. I will interrupt people if I think they're saying something stupid(Being gay is a choice becauuuse...), and I will cross my arms and say 'fuck no.' if someone wants an unreasonable favor.
So yeah, I'm just not what people tend to look for when they want to date/have sex with someone. I know my personality doesn't help, but neither does my location(Bible Beeeelt!) or the types of people I keep finding. I'm not specifically looking because I know the odds of finding anyone out in Rural Alabama is....slim, at best. I'd rather put my energy into cultivating hobbies, then look more actively for someone when I move to a real city--Austin, Tx, is on the map, as is New Orleans, LA & Savannah, GA-- All three actually have better chances than here, and I'm lazy--I'd rather put effort into looking when the chances are good.
Most of the time, the only guys interested in me at first look are chubby chasers looking for a one-night partner to fulfill their fetish.
I really don't understand this one. If a guy likes women of that specific attribute, why wouldn't he want a relationship with a girl like that? I'd blame it more on them being assholes in general.
I've had multiple guys stop talking to me when they figured out I wasn't going to drive over and have sex with them that week. It's kind of disheartening, really, because being treated like I'm only "good enough" for one night stands but not a 'real relationship' pisses me off but also makes me lose any sort of trust I have in the opposite gender of my age.
I think it's a status thing. A guy may like fat chicks, but it's 'understandable' for him to have a one-night stand with a fat chick(because he's desperate for sex, riiight?), but if he dates one, he's automatically saying he's not good enough to date a thinner woman who's 'worth more' on the social standard. By insisting that fat chicks were just his one night stand--he's keeping more with the status quo. He likes fat chicks, but he doesn't want to be seen in public with them.
I've actually run into this a lot with any group of guys who claim to be into fat chicks--they like the idea of sex with a fat woman, but a real relationship is out of the question because they value their social standing more.