This question was asked before by another member of Atheist Nexus who, unfortunately, left the site about 6 months ago. When he left, his discussions went with him. (I hate that about Ning.) That is too bad, really, because that topic received more responses than any other discussion thread on A|N that I have ever seen -- well over 400, I believe.

Well, I don't plan on leaving A|N anytime soon, so I'm going to ask that question all over again. We've had a lot of new members since the first time, so this will be a good chance for all the new faces, and some of the old, to vent once again about why they are single.

So, why are you single?

Tags: atheist singles, companionship, dating, lovers, partners, romance, single, singles

Views: 2287

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I'm a white, strong atheist, transplanted Yankee, liberal college English professor employed at a historically black state university at the very buckle of the Bible belt in a very small, very conservative town.  I ride a motorcycle, but it's not a Harley.  I also ride a recumbent bicycle and follow professional hockey and bicycle racing.  I don't have a truck, and I've never been to a NASCAR race.  I don't like football because an average game has about eleven minutes of action punctuated by countless meetings.  (Call them huddles if you want; they're meetings.)  I am one of maybe half a dozen people on my campus who understands and agrees with evolutionary theory.  In short, it would be hard to imagine a worse fit.  My ex-wife, I learned after a decade of trying to keep a marriage together for the sake of the children, has the same mental disorder that Adolf Hitler had.  I am still about half in love with my last girlfriend, who unfortunately turned out to be a bipolar compulsive hoarder.  I'm feeling a little snakebit.
Well, I'm new to this site (less than a week). Right now I am looking for like-minded friends to chat with, no relationships (yet). I am single as of 3 weeks ago tomorrow. My boyfriend and I had been together for two years (exactly, broke up on our anniversary). Met him through a friend who lived in Wisconsin, he moved to Nebraska 6 months into our relationship. Things went bad (financially), I dropped out of college and we moved in with his parents in Wisconsin while we got situated again. Well, things went south relationship-wise and to put it in his words "The feelings are there still, just not the interest." So, we broke up and we're still friends, but it's very hard. Some days he acts like he wants to be with me, others he wants nothing to do with me. Finally got a straight answer out of him and I am on my way to accepting us not being together anymore, I agree with him, it's for the best. I'm an indecisive, stubborn, sometimes workaholic; but I love to have fun including movies, bowling, rockclimbing, etc. Also, I'm bisexual and very opinionated. So, looking for female friends or male friends. Want to know anything else, just ask. :) I love questions and discussions. I could sit for hours talking to someone about life and other random things. Only been in Wisconsin for a year, so I don't have very many friends here, but the more the merrier! (End long winded babble!)
I'm single because I scare Japanese men. :-D
Okay, maybe not that bad... but yeah, I do fine socially in groups, not much of a dater. Most of my previous relationships developed out of friendship.

Hmm. Also, I'm not really into bar or club hopping. My ears thank me for, that, though. It is pretty ironic, though. I live in a very secular nation right now, but because of my shy nature and language barriers, I am as chaste as can be. (And I have to ask, is anyone else here NOT shy in most every other situation? I'm more of an extrovert, otherwise. Boggles the mind...)

This seems to contradict your statement below:

I do not want to be single.

Are you ambivalent about it?


Sounds like it's more a matter of, "I don't want to be single, but anyone I could be dating has more cons than pros, and I'd rather do without."
Hmm, seems that that's what online dating is for.  I don't think you need to be in your 20's to go to bars and clubs, but that's not my idea of a good time, anyway.

Yep! Same boat; here's a paddle. :)


Online dating is extremely... ... ... at least for me, there's small pickin's. But maybe you'd have better luck! :)


I've heard of some atheists forming groups at UU churches. Not sure how that works, really, but I guess if you're in a community that isn't big enough for an alliance or foundation to be established, it'd be a start...

Kelly, I'm a little puzzled.  your statement:

I don't do bars and clubs since I'm not in my 20s anymore...I refuse to do online dating sites, so here I am

 - makes it appear as if those are the only possible ways to meet people. Is there some reason you want to avoid any of the other alternatives?

I ask because your statement makes it sound like there's something else going on that you haven't mentioned.

I am single for statistical reasons:

The following are rough estimates.   

From 100.000 men in my age group (I am 62):
30 % are neither in a relationship nor entangled in an emotional harem of ex-partners converted into pseudo-friends. 
==>    30.000
10 % are childfree, with no progeny of any age and no pets
==>      3.000
20 % may have at least spent some years at a college or university, with or without a degree
==>        600
10 % are atheists and skeptics, who are not gullible to irrational claims of any kind, and share basic attitudes and a leaning towards leftist thinking
==>         60
25% are innately monogamous and non-promiscuous
==>    15
66% do not have any hazardous habit, like smoking, excessive drinking, overeating or a dangerous hobby like riding a motorcycle.  
==>  10
10% are mature, responsible, sincere, able to commit, egalitarian, capable to make a relationship emotionally beneficial for a woman and they share some interests and tastes with me.
==> 1 suitable and compatible partner.

1.) Bad area. I currently live in a rural area and every guy expects me to either drive 2-3 hours to visit him to see if he "approves of me" to date--on top of there not being any guys close by who are atheist, intelligent, or otherwise.


2.)I am overweight, happy being overweight, happy with the way I look, and not desperate for attention/a guy to date. Most guys don't want a girl confident with her body and how she looks, nor do they want someone as outspoken and confident as I am--it'd be different if I constantly put myself down and was trying a 500 calorie diet to get a size 4--then I might drag in a few dudes, but at this size, and being happy with this size? Most of the time, the only guys interested in me at first look are chubby chasers looking for a one-night partner to fulfill their fetish.


Which leads to:

3.) I want a long-term, monogamous, equal relationship. I don't want a one night stand, I want a best friend who I happen to get nude with sometimes--that's what I want, which, of course, means I'm not just looking for someone who finds me attractive--I'm looking for someone I find mentally attractive, personable, someone to travel with and share an apartment with--I'm also big on conversation, and I tend to have a wide variety of interests---I'd want to share quite a bit of them with anyone I date. Anime, Movies, Tv shows, books--even bookbinding, writing, and knitting would be awesome to share with someone--but many times I don't find guys who go beyond video games and tv shows, when I really like hobbies that produce something tangible.


4.) I'm highly opinionated. If a guy says "I don't like such and such." and I fucking love such and such--I will fucking tell him--I love that shit! What are your reasons for not liking it? I've done this with sushi, tv shows, etc--and I'm also the same for anything that's flipside--if he loves something, and I think it's foolish and mocks me or a group I don't think is joke material(racist, sizist, sexist), I will not only tell him I don't like it, but I'll usually give specific examples as well as ways to make it better. Most guys REALLY don't like this, especially when it comes to things like The Big Bang Theory or Prochoice/Prolife arguments(I have ripped INTO people over misinformed prolife arguments before). Women traditionally do not have the role of argument--at least not about important things(oh no my haaiiir), and when I argue about important things I've had guys get honestly upset because it's -me- that's arguing--when I know if it was a guy arguing it, it'd be okay.


5.) I've got a 'large' personality. I'm loud, opinionated, I stand my ground, and I refuse to agree with someone just to make them happy, I am not a stereotypical female who is quiet and goes along with what her girlfriends want her to do, or what everyone else is doing. I will interrupt people if I think they're saying something stupid(Being gay is a choice becauuuse...), and I will cross my arms and say 'fuck no.' if someone wants an unreasonable favor.


So yeah, I'm just not what people tend to look for when they want to date/have sex with someone. I know my personality doesn't help, but neither does my location(Bible Beeeelt!) or the types of people I keep finding. I'm not specifically looking because I know the odds of finding anyone out in Rural Alabama is....slim, at best. I'd rather put my energy into cultivating hobbies, then look more actively for someone when I move to a real city--Austin, Tx, is on the map, as is New Orleans, LA & Savannah, GA-- All three actually have better chances than here, and I'm lazy--I'd rather put effort into looking when the chances are good.

Most of the time, the only guys interested in me at first look are chubby chasers looking for a one-night partner to fulfill their fetish.

I really don't understand this one.  If a guy likes women of that specific attribute, why wouldn't he want a relationship with a girl like that?  I'd blame it more on them being assholes in general.

I've had multiple guys stop talking to me when they figured out I wasn't going to drive over and have sex with them that week. It's kind of disheartening, really, because being treated like I'm only "good enough" for one night stands but not a 'real relationship' pisses me off but also makes me lose any sort of trust I have in the opposite gender of my age.


I think it's a status thing. A guy may like fat chicks, but it's 'understandable' for him to have a one-night stand with a fat chick(because he's desperate for sex, riiight?), but if he dates one, he's automatically saying he's not good enough to date a thinner woman who's 'worth more' on the social standard.  By insisting that fat chicks were just his one night stand--he's keeping more with the status quo. He likes fat chicks, but he doesn't want to be seen in public with them.

I've actually run into this a lot with any group of guys who claim to be into fat chicks--they like the idea of sex with a fat woman, but a real relationship is out of the question because they value their social standing more.


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