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There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm in the desert

Metaphorically speaking, anyway. I just haven't had a lot of luck lately, I get shot down or friend zoned anytime I go on a date, and frankly, it's getting annoying. I mean, it's Mississippi, and I have to be here for the foreseeable future. So the number of people period times the number who aren't religious? Statistically I don't have a lot of options. I imagine if I were in a population center it really wouldn't matter, but it sort of does here.

For the most part, I've dated women younger than me, but it hasn't worked out yet. I'm told older women don't friend zone people so easily, but that's tricky in Mississippi. Seems like everyone my age and older around here has a kid and, I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for the one, just someone. I don't want to be substitute dad.

I'm told you're supposed to rely on friends to fix you up, but I don't have many friends. My closest friends won't. I dunno, everything's starting to really affect my self-efficacy. Which is the thing, I mean, I'm not a normal guy. I'm really weird, and that apparently doesn't work for most people.

I mean, what do you guys do? I'm really starting to get disheartened. I figured by the age of 25, I'd have accomplished something in this field, and I haven't. All I've got's a few first dates and a few friend zones, and frankly, the city council is starting to get on my ass about these zoning problems.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 4:17pm

Sadly, I am in southwest alabama and cannot drive very far for group meetings.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 4:36pm

Try one of the closer Mississippi groups then.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 9, 2011 at 4:43pm

If you need to go to Mississippi to find sanity, that's saying something about where you live.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 4:56pm

Well, Meridian is the closest city--only 1 hour away, so I might be able to make that if they have a group.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 4:59pm

Meridian... what's that close to?

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 5:06pm

Well, currently I'm in Sweet Water, AL--or closest to it. Middle of nowhere. The next closest town is Thomasville, AL--but Meridian is the closest "city".

Searching meetup.com only shows one meeting in Mobile, AL, within 100 miles, and then the Jackson, MS meetup--neither one of those I can drive to. Mobile is a 3 hour drive away, as is Jackson. <le sigh> and then the one main group in Tuscaloosa I got kicked out of.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 9, 2011 at 5:08pm

The Tuscaloosa group was the one with the rednecks who wanted you back in the kitchen where you belong? I remember you ranting about one of the atheism groups in your area.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 5:16pm

Yeah, the student club at UA--The West Alabama Free Thought group was nice and awesome but I never had the time to go hang out with them, even if most of their meetings took place in Tuscaloosa.

Just because they're students--and mostly younger guys--it doesn't excuse them from being assholes to females and newcomers.

Permalink Reply by Nerdlass on October 9, 2011 at 5:24pm

LOL My Dad would have taken offense at that. He didn't want anyone in his kitchen when he was working on something major! And boy, you did not want to place dishes where they didn't belong. LOL! In the kitchen, indeed. I used to mimic an old insurance commercial to describe my mother's forgetfulness in cooking. "Mom cooks the old fashioned way. She buhhhhhhhns it."

I think my Dad would have just given those boys quite a look. And my parents are/were southern baptists. It's pretty bad when fundies are more along in equal rights than supposed free-thinkers. Hopefully, they'll wisen up and see that cooking is something that is shared and isn't a gender-specific role (not many things are--breast feeding comes to mind, though).

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 5:36pm

Well, Nerdlass,

Goddamit, it just ate my entire comment.

I can only summarize it as best I can: I hate groups that view me as an ugly baby incubator, and a lot of time guys in atheism groups are just as into patriarchy and don't want things to change, they just want religion gone so they can be top dude, so to speak.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 5:57pm

Yeah, assholes like that get kicked out of atheist groups usually, or the group goes nowhere if they're at the core.

Permalink Reply by Chizu_Sando on December 4, 2011 at 9:02pm

First off, I know exactly what you mean by thinking you'd have done more with your life by 25. I'm 28 and am still in that boat. But I've learned that as long as you are trying, it's ok! It sounds stupid but pick a goal (any goal) and try to achieve it. It's amazing what you discover in life you didn't even know you could do by just getting out there and living. For me, it wasn't even the goal I intended. You meet people by doing stuff. Make a club, join a volunteer group, hell join reddit and find some crazy, superspecific forum filled with people who love everything you do.

Next, you say that you are weird, but don't give any examples. Compared to small town Miss. you probably are, but here are in internets you can find people who not only like you for your weird but will out do you by a mile. (hope that was as helpful as I intended XP)