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There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm in the desert

Metaphorically speaking, anyway. I just haven't had a lot of luck lately, I get shot down or friend zoned anytime I go on a date, and frankly, it's getting annoying. I mean, it's Mississippi, and I have to be here for the foreseeable future. So the number of people period times the number who aren't religious? Statistically I don't have a lot of options. I imagine if I were in a population center it really wouldn't matter, but it sort of does here.

For the most part, I've dated women younger than me, but it hasn't worked out yet. I'm told older women don't friend zone people so easily, but that's tricky in Mississippi. Seems like everyone my age and older around here has a kid and, I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for the one, just someone. I don't want to be substitute dad.

I'm told you're supposed to rely on friends to fix you up, but I don't have many friends. My closest friends won't. I dunno, everything's starting to really affect my self-efficacy. Which is the thing, I mean, I'm not a normal guy. I'm really weird, and that apparently doesn't work for most people.

I mean, what do you guys do? I'm really starting to get disheartened. I figured by the age of 25, I'd have accomplished something in this field, and I haven't. All I've got's a few first dates and a few friend zones, and frankly, the city council is starting to get on my ass about these zoning problems.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 9, 2011 at 5:03pm

Well, if they're not interested, then they're not interested. *shrug*

The ones who really earn the asshole label are those who were friends, then chuck you completely the moment you ask them out. Just say, "No, not interested in that sort of relationship," and resume the friendship as it was previously going.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 5:09pm

See I've tried that, but they usually refuse to talk to me afterwards, like they're afraid I'm going to rape them one day.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 9, 2011 at 5:10pm

Which is why they get the label.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 9, 2011 at 2:17pm

Note: Girls do want the nice guy. I've asked out plenty of "nice guys" who turn out to be not so "nice" after all.

Yeah, but a lot of girls want the nice guy who looks like Robert Pattinson. Also, they have the habit of going for the aggressive, possessive type, that the movies tell them will become a sweet, sensitive guy after the drama that throws the two together.

Hollywood has created a fucked-up image of what you look for in a guy to form a loving, stable relationship. It's been particularly bad since the 80's. And don't even get me started on Twilight, again.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 3:41pm

Annnnd now we know why I loathe 99% of chick flicks.

Also, if you're dating girls that use Twilight as a blueprint for future relationships, you're doing it wrong; those girls usually have never dated any guy, and don't understand how a real relationship works yet. Unless you want to be the one she cuts her teeth on, then I suggest you back away and let another dude deal with that.

Re: Chick flicks

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 4:24pm

I know you right. I've basically given up on girls much younger than me. They still have idealism. I don't date idealists.

Permalink Reply by Nerdlass on October 9, 2011 at 4:26pm

Yeah, I never identify with the chicks in chick flicks. Now, if they crossed Fanboys with a chick flick... I might go for that. o.o

...maybe. c.c

I did like that in one of the Shrek movies, the princesses rescued themselves. :D Oh wait, that wasn't a chick flick.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 4:46pm

My movie pitch: Gamer girl, making a pilgrimage to a nerd mecca before it closes down, with her lady friends who are also gamer girls--there will be about 5-6 total ladies, all of them with various nerd things/references, as well as a sprinkling of smartphones and tech talk/laptops while they're on the road.

During it, the car breaks down or one of them gets arrested for kicking a douchebag in the face, etc. Fun hijinks like that.

Add in some atheism and I'd totes watch that. It might actually be my favorite comedy.

Permalink Reply by Tonya Wynn on October 3, 2011 at 6:24pm

You are way too young for me, but I think you are really cute (at least in the photo). Keep looking. And try posting a happier-looking photo!

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 11:54am

Done and doner. But if you need someone to make you feel good about yourself when you're in or around the area, give me a hollar.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 6, 2011 at 9:53pm

Really, what I'm doing right now is investing in my hobbies. I'll be taking up spinning soon, hopefully.

But really, I've dated 3 guys--I've talked to countless more, asked out countless more--but 3 have said yes, and all 3 were horrible and not worth putting up with. There are times when it's honestly best to just make do with yourself and throw yourself into work and hobbies, rather than spending all your energy on something that may or may not work out. I'm in the same boat as you--I'm currently back at My Parent's home in the middle of Rural Alabama, any guy around here is going to be obsessed with football, religion, and girls that aren't me--it's just not worth looking here.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 4:12pm

I had a thought... there are a LOT of secular groups in Alabama. I know of a few near north alabama. You should join them.