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There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm in the desert

Metaphorically speaking, anyway. I just haven't had a lot of luck lately, I get shot down or friend zoned anytime I go on a date, and frankly, it's getting annoying. I mean, it's Mississippi, and I have to be here for the foreseeable future. So the number of people period times the number who aren't religious? Statistically I don't have a lot of options. I imagine if I were in a population center it really wouldn't matter, but it sort of does here.

For the most part, I've dated women younger than me, but it hasn't worked out yet. I'm told older women don't friend zone people so easily, but that's tricky in Mississippi. Seems like everyone my age and older around here has a kid and, I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for the one, just someone. I don't want to be substitute dad.

I'm told you're supposed to rely on friends to fix you up, but I don't have many friends. My closest friends won't. I dunno, everything's starting to really affect my self-efficacy. Which is the thing, I mean, I'm not a normal guy. I'm really weird, and that apparently doesn't work for most people.

I mean, what do you guys do? I'm really starting to get disheartened. I figured by the age of 25, I'd have accomplished something in this field, and I haven't. All I've got's a few first dates and a few friend zones, and frankly, the city council is starting to get on my ass about these zoning problems.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Philip Jackson Armstrong on September 8, 2011 at 5:56pm

Don't give up. I have had a life long serious sleep disorder, made me a little bit psychologically skewed. Skewed in a good way in my judgment. I was 29 when I met my wife. we were married for 26 years and at least 20 of those were pure bliss. Some of us aren't meant for the common herd. Be patient. You'll see.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on September 9, 2011 at 12:34pm

Thing is, I'm not looking for a wife. I can get married when I'm middleaged. I'm looking for something along the lines of a girlfriend. You know, something where there's defnitely some intimacy, but not, you know, picking out baby names and saving up for college funds. Not that I'm opposed to the idea, but it'd be my first real relationship, and I'm pretty certain I'd screw it up.

Permalink Reply by Nader Khouzam on September 8, 2011 at 6:04pm

Hi,

Try to be positive, I am 42 and still single. I had a few dates but nothing serious. I look forward to having an intimate relationship with a woman in the future. It just has not happened yet and I am not going crazy either. I keep myself busy, exercising, working, etc.

For me, religeous women drive me up the wall, so I stay away from them. I hope to meet an intelligent woman someday....lol

Take care and be positive.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on September 8, 2011 at 8:55pm

Dial up isn't allowing me to reply properly.

Sidney: No, nothing like kids! I'll have time for that bullshit when I'm old. I just want to date someone. To have fun while I'm still young with another human being for once. I'm getting really lonely, but I'm not looking for a significant other, just someone else. Well, maybe a companion, but, you know, a romantic interest instead of a fiancée. I don't want to settle down and start a family, I just want that youthful romantic experience so I don't feel like I've wasted my youth, because so far I have.

Permalink Reply by Caleb Cochran on September 9, 2011 at 8:37am

I have the same problem. I was dating a girl online (I know, terrible idea). She played tricks on me over and over and over again, fairly cruel tricks. She blamed me for things that really weren't my fault but i was so desperate (And i guess i still am) that i told myself i could get through it and we could work. She was a Christian, every once in a while it would flare up like a bad case of the Hives but it only came between us once or twice. I finally just said "Fuck it" and told her to go. I did alot for her but because it was a long distance relationship she didn't feel that it was real even though i did.

I was wondering if anyone felt like they had wasted their youth too...I've felt that for years. I feel that I've always played it safe and never made any mistakes. I just turned 18 last month and my last (Good) relationship was in the 6th grade with a girl named Shelby. While i grew up i saw all of the stereotypes on tv and in stories and changed myself so that i wouldn't make those mistakes. I've always been the nice guy, but girls my age (Or even 25 or so) don't want the nice guy, unfortunately i can't change that now.

What i'm trying to get at is that you're not alone Orson, I'm with you and I'm sure there are other guys that feel the same.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 6, 2011 at 9:50pm

Note: Girls do want the nice guy. I've asked out plenty of "nice guys" who turn out to be not so "nice" after all. One called me shallow--several others just outright called me a bitch for asking them out first. Most of them, after I showed interest in them, unfriended me on facebook and stopped talking to me in class. They seemed nice--until I showed any sort of interest in them. So I'd like a nice guy--but not a "nice guy". As I've detailed above. Nice until I "cross the line"! by asking him out.

I've actually never had a good relationship--so count yourself lucky. First boyfriend was long distance and broke up with me by just not talking to me. Second one was also long distance, and he broke up with me after I went out to eat with friends one night. 3rd relationship--lasted 3 years because I thought I actually found someone decent--when really I just kept making excuses for him and putting up with him because I thought he might improve his attitude--when it never did. I finally got rid of him when I graduated from college, and he doesn't have my home address so he's not able to drive here to try to convince me to date him again. Really, I'd rather be single than get in another shitty relationship at the moment. Combine that with how crappy the dating prospects are around here, and it's just not worth the time for me.

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 11:48am

Firstly, I hate to sound like everyone who has ever given me advice on love, but you're rather young to be worried about finding your monogamous long term significant other.

The uh, the other thing is, I really don't think I'm going to change who I am in the hopes that, by being a jerk, I'll be happier. I'd be a jerk! I'd rather be a lonely nice guy than a sexed up asshole.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 9, 2011 at 2:21pm

Strangely, if you put on the asshole facade to draw a girl who's looking for an aggressive, alpha prick, they tend to get bored, after you stop pretending and turn into the nice guy the movies tell them is hiding under the surface, as I mentioned up my post below. At least that's been my experience.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 3:47pm

lol, I'll be happy with a monogamous not for two months at a time monogamous other. Mostly I'd be happy if it's just monogamous at this point. :\ and I'm 22, I'd hope that by this time guys are changing from the "binge drinking every night" to looking to at least have a partner. By senior year of college every friend that wasn't gay was either engaged or married.

Where did I say that you should be a jerk?

Permalink Reply by Orson_Zedd on October 9, 2011 at 4:26pm

"Note: Girls do want the nice guy."

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on October 9, 2011 at 4:36pm

:\ and I'm 22, I'd hope that by this time guys are changing from the "binge drinking every night" to looking to at least have a partner.

Nope. Give it another 5 to 10 years.
There are, of course, always variations within the males of any age grouping. I never went through that phase. I've been drunk fewer than 10 times, although I couldn't give you an exact number.

But if you're waiting for those who are the partying, binge-drinking sort to grow out of it, 22 isn't even close. Just find one of the oddballs who isn't like that. Good luck with that, in Alabama.

Where did I say that you should be a jerk?

You didn't, but it's a way to attract girls, in certain environments, sad as that may be.

Permalink Reply by Jonel Burge on October 9, 2011 at 4:55pm

See, I have found a few oddballs like that, but they usually don't want girls like me, either. It's a conundrum. I don't like bars, or drinking, or smoking, but the guys who are like this just aren't interested in a fat chick. Which I'm fine being--I'm good with myself, it's they who automatically say "eh, you're not good enough" the moment I try to talk to them. Pisses me the fuck off. They don't like it when girls do it to THEM, why do they in turn do it to ladies interested in them? Also, this does qualify them for asshole status. The fact that they can't even consider me on equal footing as a human being clearly says they're not date-worthy material.

I usually just want to deck the jerk in the face and tell him to go be an asshat somewhere else. I have no patience for assholes.