Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by coyote on March 17, 2010 at 8:58pm

just be all "JUST KIDDING!" and leave. I did that at a taco bell drive through once after ordering like 10 different things lol

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on March 17, 2010 at 9:02pm

Tell the person that you will contact them through e-mail. If they ask for your phone number, find a way to say that they don't need it, you will contact them through e-mail. then depart in a positive way but soon after, send them a brief message explaining that the relationship is over, and this way you don't have to confront them about it, and then if you accidently meet the person in public, professionally pretend you don't know them, or I don't know what else to do.

Permalink Reply by Scott Macauley on March 17, 2010 at 11:04pm

Yeah, I've done similar things. I usually stand all aloof and don't make eye contact as I say, "see ya around," or something equally generic. They get the picture.

Permalink Reply by Dan Dascalescu on March 17, 2010 at 11:54pm

Magic words: "I didn't feel there was chemistry".

Permalink Reply by Mrina on March 18, 2010 at 8:56am

Agrred. Be honest and tell them there was no chemistry in real, although you were hoping there was after online chatting. It's sad but true, and happens often. I have often ended up in that same predicament and I have found (after much trial and much error) that honesty is the best policy. No reason you can't still be friends online if online chatting was fun!

Permalink Reply by Lois Lane on March 18, 2010 at 9:25am

I think it's really rude not to respond to an email after the meal, but if there is no email at all afterwards, this seems to serve as an indication that neither party is interested enough to follow through.

Otherwise, you can always say, "I didn't feel we were a match for each other" or "I didn't feel there was chemistry" between us, particularly if you think the other person was really interested in you (at least you can put him out of his misery asap.) Interesting some men may still argue with you even if you say that, which is probably why a lot of people resort to saying nothing at all (to avoid dealing with that unpleasantness).

Permalink Reply by Regina M on March 19, 2010 at 12:42pm

Definitely communicate with them-an easy "it was nice to meet you, but I didn't think there was any chemistry, good luck in your search" type message at least lets them know what's going on and doesn't leave them hanging. Think about how it feels on your end if you do end up liking them and hear nothing back. It's very frustrating!

One of the most difficult things for me to deal with in this whole world of online dating is the ease with which people seem to drop out of communication, especially when it seems to be going well. It's quite vexing.

Permalink Reply by J.P.M. on April 2, 2010 at 11:59am

I concur. I just went through something similar. I thought our first date went well enough to at least try one more (I guess I am an eternal optimist - and really bad at reading most women). Apparently, her expectations of me were not met - or they were greater than my expectations of her. So we had a brief IM chat the next day and simply wished each other the best. I felt a bit disappointed/rejected, but I had no choice but to respect her honesty and move on.

Permalink Reply by Tabi on April 7, 2010 at 5:28am

I think that you shold at least email them and let them know you are just looking for friends first, then later down the road a relationship. That will atleast keep them on the friendship level, if they dont get pissed and stop talking to you, which may be in your favor! lol
But if you keep them as a "friend" they cant get frustrated or mad when you dont respond to any emails or phonecalls. Your a "buisy" person and have a lot going on, as far as they know. Eventually they will give up and move on, unless theyre a psycho stalker, with night vision studying your bed room window at 2 in the morning :P lol

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Leip on April 7, 2010 at 9:11pm

Be honest, but kind. There was something about that person that attracted you to them initially and made you want to meet in person. Perhaps it will not go any further than a friendship or acquaintance but you never know when your paths will cross again. Don't be deceptive and say that you'll call when you have no intention. I would say, "it was nice to meet you. I wish you the best."

Permalink Reply by Carolyn R on April 10, 2010 at 8:54am

Definitely, be honest and kind, I think that's important. I try to look at people I meet through "singles" outlets as being comrades in a way, we are all in the same boat, looking for friends, connections, and romance, and it can be frustrating and sometimes painful work. I feel like we owe each other a little kindness and consideration. I just say "I don't think we're a good match" and I also thank them for being kind and respectful, and I wish them well in their search.

It's not too far-fetched to think that if you had enough in common to meet up with someone, if they aren't a good match for you they might *know* a good match for you. That might not ever come to anything, but there's no reason to slam that door.

There's also an opportunity, at the moment you realize you aren't a good match with a person who you've been talking with, to get a little extra helpful data. One guy I had been talking with, we had a friendly rapport, and after we met and decided we were not a match, we talked a little more about how difficult this search was, and he confessed to me that he didn't like it that I have lots of body art, which is fine, I was glad to know that and make sure to mention it now. I was not thrilled about the impression I got of his lifestyle, and put that as tactfully but honestly as I could. This was a little awkward, but rather than feeling disappointed with each other and rejected ourselves, I think we both left a little more hopeful and cheerful. You owe them friendliness, and aloofness hoping they get the hint is not friendly.

Permalink Reply by Cat on April 18, 2010 at 12:59pm

I would just be honest, some people do not like it. They can get upset that you do not feel the same way as them. I have had men upon first meeting them start planning our life together. Even if I had any attraction to them that freaks me out and I tell them I am sorry I just don't feel it so I won't have to deal with them calling me or emailing me again, may sound mean however, I am not about to lead anyone on.

I do tell them that they are cool and someone I could be friends with since we had enough in common that I went to go meet them, sadly out of all the times I had told anyone that, only one became my friend and that ended up being because he thought he could win me over in the long run. Since then I pretty much cut ties right off the bat unless I actually find someone that tells me, I'm sorry lets be friends.

It really sucks... another thing I do is tell them BEFORE meeting them, it's not a date. I do not have them take me to dinner, we meet for coffee and I let them know that it's a meeting to see if we click. I do that hoping they do not build any false romantic ideals. That really hasn't worked either so I have pretty much given up with online dating on! LOL
Good luck

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